Kelli Gotthardt

Kelli Gotthardt is vulnerable and forthright in this thoughtful and engaging memoir. Her journey is not uncommon to many women who have grown up in the church or who are heavily involved in church ministry. The push to always be doing, to be the “good girl,” and to constantly live under the voice of shame and shoulds are common problems. In opening up her story to be examined by her readers, Gotthardt gives voice to the struggle of many women. She is not shy to share her own mistakes and struggles, but invites the reader to join her in her process of learning to “rebel” against false expectations in order to more rightly walk with Jesus in a healthy way.

As a recovering “good girl” myself, I was incredibly encouraged and challenged by Kelli’s story. Many of her experiences resonated with my own and I felt she gave voice to many fears and wrong thinking patterns I have dealt with. I also appreciated the evidence of her continued engagement in the process of growth and change. She has no illusions she has life all figured out. But through examples from her life, she shares her victories and struggles and ongoing need for refinement in the Lord. Hers is a story worth reading, if only because it is the story of so many others.

I received this book from bookfun.org in exchange for an honest review.

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I loved the transparency that the author displays throughout the book. After marrying her husband Richard, it seemed like she was propelled into every ministry possible. She said, "Every Sunday our worth was measured by how many people showed up at our meetings. Every event was a gauge of our leadership and spiritual effectiveness, and other churches were viewed as competition." I can relate to that statement very well . It seems like churches are competing against each other and sometimes the congregations are told not to speak to other churches because it would show disloyalty to the pastor.

Like many of us, the author found it hard to say no to ministries and soon found herself overwhelmed and spiraling out of control. Her willingness to share about her depression was very helpful. Many people think that a pastor's wife has it all together. You are held almost on a pedestal and constantly being watched . There are people just waiting for you to stumble. As she describes the incident on the beach, I laid the book down for a minute. For any of us who have been sexually abused, we are always quick to blame ourselves. We learn to not trust and continue to find approval from others. I felt like I was reading my own story and all the pain and hurt surfaced to the top. Then I read this ," The scars of my past were quickly loosening their grip on my life."

As soon as I saw this book being offered to review, I knew this book was for me. I grew up as a pastor's kid and later I became extremely involved in church. I wanted people to like me and help everywhere I could. I soon became the Children's pastor and then my downfall came. I was so overwhelmed with everything, I couldn't find my way . This book has been an inspiration to me and has encouraged me to continue to say no and feel ok about it.

Thank you for writing a book that has opened my eyes to lies that I have been told, and to empower me to seek God, love myself and know that I don't need anyone's approval. The only approval I seek is God. You have given me a new beginning and I feel free to let go of the past and move forward where God wants me to be.

"Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story." Psalm 107:2

I received a copy of this book from The BookClub Network for an honest review.… (more)

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The book is about rebelling from the comforts of trying to do everything to leading a life full of freedom and love from God. I know I try to do everything alone and I hate to ask for help from anyone.

My favorite passage was on p. 14, which said: " The challenge with breaking the rules, however, discerning, which rules to break and when." I thought of times, when I could have or was a rebel, whether for the good side or the dark side. I chose celibacy, which went against the promiscuous life I used to lead. I said no to moving in with a friend, who wants a relationship. I switched majors and schools when I realized I could not afford to continue in a doctorate program

Chapter 6 focuses on letting go of having it all together. I don't always admit I don't have it all together to people. My life is a mess

I may have it together on the main pages of social media, but I cry a lot because this is not the life I want, right now. In church, a few weeks ago, the pastor's wife discussed how people say they are ok or fine, when they are not. I am guilty of this. I am not ok. I get depressed. I get lonely. I wish my kids was not special needs sometimes. I am sick of cleaning up the same things over and over and over again, multiple times a day because one of my kids knocked it over time and time and time again.

Gotthardt also discussed letting go of the approval of others; letting go of being nice; letting go of being a perfect parent (which I am not); and letting go of the past (which I struggle with). This is a good book.

The author discussed how she had to say no to taking on too many ministries at church, even though her husband was the pastor. She could no longer handle the mental strain of doing too much.

There were also times, I should have rebelled against something which did not feel right in my soul and now I regret… (more)