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Works by Ellen S. Heller Korin

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I liked certain aspects of this book. Some of the tips employed in this book are things I have already started utilizing as a result of my experience of what constitutes good life aids for people on the spectrum. One such thing is making lists - I constantly make shopping lists and task lists to write in my agenda. I have also started using scripts in order to help me make phone calls. The organizational advice in this book is generally pretty good, although I would also add that perhaps pictures can be used along with text to help remind one as to what they need to accomplish. Schedules can be a good tool to use when your day-to-day life is relatively homogeneous. However, the functionality of a schedule starts to break down once you begin having more and more random appointments throughout the day, which often begins to happen once you become more independent.

I also like the way the author broke down the steps to how to do some things, such as going about getting a job. I wish she went into more detail when it comes to jobs and disclosure because these are the two really important topics I hear people on the spectrum talk about over and over again.

Knowing how to dress is also important, although I was disappointed at the fact that there was no advice given as to how to cope with sensory issues and unhelpful staff when you go shopping. I wish I could get some kind of aide to help me shop as I've already spent hundreds of dollars getting wrong sizes when shopping due to overstimulation and disorientation that happens to me when I'm there, as well as the store staff's unawareness that I need more help with shopping than the regular customer (and I don't disclose when I go shopping, but perhaps I should).
There is a sort of ideology that threads this book, that many Asperger's traits are negative and should be corrected. For example, she called special interests "obsessions". I really don't see them that way. To me, there is something amazing about taking one subject you're immersed in and reaching out to every possible piece of information you can find about the topic. It is not an add-on to the person, not a symptom of psychological dysfunction, but is a way of life. People on the spectrum work from details to the big picture; we need to grasp the sensory, raw roots of everything before we go to the more abstract, symbolic items. A lot of the social and relationship advice seemed too clinical, too watered-down, too "putting people in a box". For example, while I've seen the circles of closeness visual through and through, it is too simplistic. I have often met people and instantly delved into deep, intellectual matters with them, which then led to an instantly personal connection. On the other hand, I am very distant and uncomfortable with my family, almost on the level of strangers. She advises not to speak one's mind, but my ability to be blunt and spontaneous is the reason why I have formed a lot of my friendships in the first place.

While there is truth to the idea that some peripheral aspects of you can be changed without changing your core identity, I believe that once you change too much, there becomes too much conflict between your external self and your core identity. Even people on the spectrum can't turn themselves into robots who obey the society's rules and scripts; we all need to be able to connect genuinely with others without any facades in order to establish and reinforce our true identities. And the more emotionally connected one becomes to the world, the more one begins to feel that need. A lot of people on the spectrum that I've met feel that they are able to genuinely connect with people on the spectrum more than with anyone else. I feel the same way, and I feel that the people on the spectrum I've enjoyed connecting with the most are those who have employed the least amount of these cultural scripts/rules and those who do not see their Asperger's entirely as a deficiency. I'm appalled that there was surprisingly little said in this book about how to connect with fellow autistics, compared to how much was said about blending into the mainstream, NT culture.

I feel like I want to write a book of my own, which covers similar topics but offers slightly different advice on each of the topics. And perhaps I should in the future. Making such a guide is an amazing idea, but this one is just a start, from an NT perspective. I've found Rudy Simone's books much more helpful than this one, but they're not as interactive as this one. I think there needs to be something to fill in that gap.
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Kamile | Apr 23, 2012 |

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