Alexander Levy

This is an excellent book about growing older and accepting the deaths of our parents as we age.

I began to read this book last winter while traveling. I read through the chapters on grief. I decided to save the rest of the book at a later time, when I was in the right frame of mind to absorb it.

That turned out to be last summer. I went through a month of grief at the conclusion of my inheritance, remembering my kind parents and how giving they were to support me in adulthood.

The book made me reflect on the last few years of my life, which were frought with financial hardships, health problems, and changes, sometimes, not of my own making. As the elder generation passed in my small town, real estate signs appeared. People died or moved to nursing homes. A new set of neighbors moved in within a decade. With strangers all around, the neighborhood changed and became unsafe.

Now, I had adult responsibilities. For the first time, I owned a home--the one my parents gave to me upon their deaths. As a homeowner, I had many expenses. I had to hire contractors, pay taxes and insurance, and keep my landscaping fresh. When the money ran out, I panicked. What will I do in the absence of cash flow? Without a full-time job, my bank explained, I could not obtain a home equity loan. A lawyer explained that, without debt, I could not file for bankruptcy. I faced the strange situation of being house rich, but financially poor.

The book explained that I was not crazy if I went into a room associated with my mother and talked to her as if she was still there. It helped me to ask her what to do and imagine her giving me a list of options.

The book makes the comparison of a set of train cars lumbering along the tracks toward a destination. In middle age, that destination is death. When our parents die, we move to the front car on the train and wait in anticipation of death's arrival.

The book deals with other topics, such as how to relate to our relatives after parents die, and how to properly grieve and move on with life. All in all, it's a great book, one that will leave you thinking carefully about your own present life and how you can move toward your train destination with self-respect and dignity.

Buy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Orphaned-Adult-Understanding-Coping-Parents/dp/0738203610… (more)