Suzanne Venker

I want to start by stating that I am, in fact, conservative.

There are a few good points here, and I agreed with some of the conclusions. (Namely, that young children are better off at home than spending time in group daycare, men and women are already equal - but different, and that marriage can be a good thing.) The arguments in reaching those points, however, were seriously flawed and unconvincing.

Plus, those few nuggets of truth will be difficult for most people to find amidst all the lies.

The first thing that struck me when I began the book was Venker's tone (she writes the introduction - the rest of the book has the same tone, despite the co-author) - she seems to harbor a lot of hatred toward "feminists" or anyone who is more liberal than she is, and she is exceedingly harsh - even to the point of being immature. For example, she states, "Feminists have no sense of humor, you know. They're too busy being angry, which uses up most of their energy." (p. 134-135) Why? In mocking her opposition, she only loses her own credibility.

I was expecting a gracious "speaking the truth in love" approach, and was sorely disappointed. This is not a pro-conservative book, it is anti-feminist/anti-liberal.

The next thing I noticed was the broad assertions about "most" women, "most" feminists, "most" Americans, and on and on. These types of statements, of course, lacked references and statistics because they are opinions, not facts.

The authors also showed their true colors in a few other areas - where they appear to be "conservative," but the values they're supporting are simply pseudo-conservative. For instance, on p. 86 they say, "...it is marriage - not the single life - that allows people to discover who they are. By being accountable to another person, a spouse learns what he or she is capable of. Only by making sacrifices can we grow as individuals." They fail to recognize that an individual can be accountable to others, make sacrifices, grow in maturity, and discover who they are as a single person.

They also state, "...mothers at home work harder than anyone..." (p. 97) While this is an attempt to encourage mothers who often, unfairly, get flak, this general statement is degrading to everyone else and is, again, untruthful. There are many mothers at home who work very hard. There are also mothers who work outside the home who work very hard. There are childless individuals who work very hard. And there are many, many people - stay-at-home moms included - who struggle with laziness. Let's not overlook that fact and give credit where it's not due.

Another comment that bothered me: "In the past, Americans viewed marriage as the beginning of their lives, not the end." (p. 87) Regardless of how Americans viewed it in the past or view it now, she states it as if our ideas matter at all on this issue. The truth is, marriage is not the beginning or the end of any life.

The authors also seem to have some contradictory views - they rail against feminists for being anti-men, but they don't seem to have a very high opinion of men themselves. Throughout the whole book, comments are made that boil down to a view of men being worthless and sinful without women to reign them in and put them to work.

I would not recommend this book to anyone - liberal, conservative, or anywhere in-between.… (more)

Choosing a husband is a slightly disingenuous title since the book is more about choosing a sperm donor than about choosing a life partner. How To Choose a Husband was a lot more about how not to have any goals or identity outside of childrearing than about making peace with marriage. Feel dissatisfaction at work? It’s totally NOT because you’d be happier in another field, your boss is a jerk, or women make 74 cents to a man’s dollar. It’s because women are only fulfilled by submitting to their husbands and having babies. Any happiness women take from professional success or work satisfaction is a result of feminist trickery, convincing women that they want to be men.

Most of the book states and restates that any desire felt for babies and home life is woman’s inner nature asserting its proper place, and any desire for any other kind of life, or any conflict about motherhood and other goals, it’s all due to feminist trickery.

Then Venker describes how to act on this wisdom. Don’t spend time with your single friends. Ignore all presentation of relationships in the media — except for the book, of course! Don’t focus so much on a career, and definitely don’t inconvenience your husband for your career, since you’ll be giving that up soon to have babies. Make sure your husband feels like a Man, by agreeing with what he says, deferring to him, and by having sex when he tells you to. (Because all men want sex all the time, and women aren’t particularly interested, apparently.) Parts of the book infuriated me, but overall it was just such a terribly dull and depressing view of womanhood. Subservience to a decision-making husband instead of having a friendship between equals, and devaluing any career or artistic success as a time-filler until motherhood is just too depressing to contemplate.

(Via On Advice)

Overall, WHAT DID I JUST READ?… (more)