What have you caught yourself saying to/of your cat?
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What strange or funny things have you caught yourself saying to or about your kitties? What do you say to them that no one else would remotely tolerate?
A few that I've said:
"Ooh, she's killing her mouse again!" Within about a week, our sweetie had amputated the tail of her little mouse toy. Now it's no more than a piece of fake fur.
"Eat your wet food or I'll take away your kibble." The wet food was medicated; the kibble was not.
"Hey! Get out of the bubble wrap! I suppose she wanted to ship herself somewhere. Just which somewhere is up for debate.
Years ago, I had just finished dialing the phone when I saw my male cat doing something inappropriate to my female kitten. So I told him, "Get your tongue out of her ***!" Then I realized the phone wasn't ringing anymore . . . Luckily it was my brother who I was calling, but he heard every word and will never let me live it down. LOL.
I've had friends staying at my house who've been thoroughly amused to hear "no bum sniffing at the dinner table" come from the kitchen.
"Eat your dinner* not mine!"
"You and your snake . . ." sung to the tune of the old jazz standard, "You and your smile hold a strange invitation . . ." (she loudly hunts her toy snake in the middle of the night)
"I can't see through you" (when she's lying on the paper as I'm trying to do the Sunday crossword)
"Quit licking my armpit". (Yes, she does; no, I don't know why.)
*(or breakfast, or lunch, as the case might be)
"Hey! Get out of the bubble wrap!"
This is everyone at my house. :) Cats and humans.
would you use the outdoor bathroom, please?
Get your filthy butt off the table!
Well, you just ruined two hours worth of work...
Usually when the cat walks across the keybaord and gets the right key combo to erase a story I'd just finished.
We are especially nuts in our house because we give the cats voices and act out their responses. For example, if I see Hobgoblin is about to pull at the window shade and say, "Hobby, what are you doing?" One of my kids will pipe up (in his voice) "Nothing....yet!"
We also spend a lot of time lately saying "Find another place to sleep! Get off the stove!"
The bubble wrap line was a fairly recent one, too. I said it last night, realized how silly it sounds, and started this thread.
I do this with not only my cats, but my dog as well.
When I tell my dog to sit, and she doesn't respond immediately, I look at her and say "Excuse me? Did you forget something?" and then she sits.
Other comments to dog:
"Kitty doesn't like being chewed, quit that!"
"Do not put your nose there!"
"Please don't drool on my clean skirt!"
"Is there some reason you are sitting on my feet?"
"This is a walk, not an excuse to sniff kitty butts"
Comments to cat(s):
"No, you're too fat, I'm not giving you treats no matter how much you beg!" (yes, that's for the cat!)
"Mommy is not in the mood to pet you..."
"Must you do that?"
"Please stop kneading me, it hurts..."
"That is NOT a litter box!"
(answering a meow) "What? You want attention 'nee-oww'?" or "You want to be fed 'nee-oww?" :D
>9 fuzzi:/talking back
Sometimes, I'll answer our cat's meows with a "meow?" just to see if she'll try to clarify.
I say "get off the table!" to mine so often I'm sure they think it's their name. They sure don't recognize it as a command :)
""Quit licking my armpit". (Yes, she does; no, I don't know why.)"
We had a cat who would wait for my dad to throw his dirty clothes on the bathroom floor after roadmarches so she could roll in the sweat stains. We were told, but never confirmed, that there's just something in human sweat that attracts cats.
In less than 24 hours, I expect to be saying to my cat, "I missed you so much, come snuggle, NODON'TBITEarrrrrgggghhhh!" because I am headed to the airport in just a few short hours. :D
Unfortunately, I often say to Tiger Lilly: "I would greatly appreciate it if you wouldn't put your butt in my face, especially when you're going to fart!"
The other thing I say to her everyday is: "move. Move! MOVE! MOVE, DAMN IT!" Because she loves getting in front of me, and slowing down to almost non-moving status. This is problematic for me, because once I get my knees and legs moving, it's hard for me to stop, and I don't want to step on her.
What is it with cats and the need to stop dead in front of a moving person? Mine will absolutely fly for the kitchen at breakfast time only to come to a grinding halt as soon as they are directly in my path. Dulcie then looks up at me and meows as if to say "who told you to stop moving?".
"Bloody hell cat, I can't work the can opener if my neck is broken."
5> A variation on your dinner comment. "This is Momma food, not cat food. This is MOMMA FOOD, NOT CAT FOOD!!" (They never listen.)
#5 & #15 - my version is "This is mine not yours - No Human food for kitties!"
#11 - I've often wondered if my cats think their names are "Bench cat" because of how often I'm yelling "Get off the bench cat!"
#9 & #10 - I often have conversations in meowish with my guys & even more so with the shelter cats, I have had some funny looks from people walking in & I can just hear them thinking "crazy cat lady alert - meowing back at the cats!"
I often wonder what my neighbours must think when I'm trying to get Taj & Tilly in from the enclosure at night & I sing out the back window "where are my bubbas, my bubbas want cuddles, cuddles for bubbas - inside now"
Conversation this morning"
"If you don't get off that pile of books, there's going to be a catalanche!".
(Huge avalanch occurs......)
ETA: ask the cat about the missing e in the above post!
Get off the keyboard. Off. Off the keyboard. Get. Off. The....Damn.
"Leave the damn paperclips alone! Nooooo!"
This is said as Kitcat is knocking my neatly paperclipped students' work all over the place trying to steal the paperclips.
"Stop biting the comics! they're worth more than you are!" because Rory has a thing about paper and I'm trying to catalogue my comic collection for eventual sale. One cat toothmark is the difference between "near mint" and "very fine" or worse.
Paper is one of his favourite things and despite my best efforts, I have returned a few library books with small dents in the covers or pages. Fortunately he hasn't done serious damage to anything... yet.
Both my cats chase their tails (and each other's tails) all the time. Hilarious to watch. They're still young (approx 9 months) and I hope they don't grow out of it for a long, long time (if ever).
The paper chewing is new to me, though. Rory will gnaw on almost anything - rings, watches and glasses (all while being worn), my hair, the edge of the computer screen, etc. The good thing is he seems to have mostly grown out of gnawing on fingers.
My daily outburst is, "GET SOMEWHERE!" because my cats like to muddle up my household plans (cleaning, cooking, etc). It's something my grandmother would tell the grandkids when we got in her way. I don't have kids or grandkids, so the cats get a bit of the "Doris treatment."
When Tiger Lilly is doing something I think is funny, or something she shouldn't be doing, I sometimes holler, "Hey, you with the face!" I dont' know where that comes from, or why I say it, but Tiger Lilly loves it, and will immediately come love on me when I holler that at her.
#22 - My Breagha is rising 14, and still chases her tail.
Squabbling cats get to hear, "I don't care which of you started it - both of you quit it!" (there's my mother coming out of my mouth. . . )
Like #2 ,I've been caught saying something like "get your butt out of my face" while on the phone usually my mother who also owns cats so understands luckily!
This is usually from my cat trying to get between me and my book because I'm obviously not paying enough attention to her, she would have better luck if she pointed the other way!
26> My little girl does that to me all the time when I'm in bed - walks up to sniff my face then turns around and stands there. I usually give her a little shove and say, "That's not your best side!"
So...um...my signature should really be, if one was allowed signatures here, 'one divorce short of being a crazy cat lady.'
The alpha cat in our household is peculiar in that he often brings home other little kitty friends. But god help the neighbouring cats if he decides he doesn't like 'em.
Our immediate neighbours have a lovely little cat that is a frequent target of Charley's ire. One day, I was hanging out the window observing a tiff. Charley finally left the other cat alone and I actually yelled out the window:
'Good boy, did you win that one? Well done!'
The mortified 'hon! Omg, stop!' from my husband brought me back to the fact that I was leaning out a window talking to my bloody cat as if he was a child...
I have to say...I do this a lot....
My husband has been known to say 'Mmmmmmmmmmm bum!' when butt-sniffing is occurring.
My God. We're mad.
I thought everone had conversations with their cats.
Of course not about Quantum Mechanics, although...
Schroendinger did have a famous Cat. I did not approve of the Cyanide in the experiment, "Gedunken " though it may be.
An ongoing debate I have with Max, concerns conservation and the fragility of our 'native fauna'.
Around dusk (if he is inside) I close the door. The ensuing debate consists of...
MEAAOOU repeated several times in a loud voice.
"No Max, you know it's your curfew, NO"
Several repetitions of Meaouw, getting softer with each stern NO and an explanation of why NOT follow, until I finally hear a last soft "half silent" "meaoo" and then
silence, a final squat by the door, until the next night rituals
After almost 3 years I suspect he has heard all my arguements before and is probably bored with them, since now, the debate only lasts a few minutes, as opposed to the half hour when I first started to explain ecology to him.
I am sure he will eventually accept all my points and not try it on late at night, when he sometimes forgets some finer point of our debate.
Your cat debator,
Ah Ha! Now I know why I couldn't us "Guido" as a member-id when I first joined!
Although THAT Guido isn't very LT'ish.
Just had a horrid thought...Could it have been ME?
In those days you just had to enter a Username and P/W to join.
In those days you just had to enter a Username and P/W to join.
See also, timspadling. The non-typoed Tim owned up to creating an alter ego by mistake.
(32) Ack! I didn't mean to link to guido, but to you, guido47!
I'm just a newbie here...less than a year I think? :)
You are NOT a "newbie.
You must by now realise that it's ALL your fault!
BUT, more Cat stories and Photoes, might get you a "gold"
Err. What was the main point of this thread?
Guido. AKA as Guido47.
Hmmm. I frequently miaow back at my cats (and I bark at dogs, too), but my most frequent Remarks to Cats are:
"All right, already, I promise I won't forget the cat food!" (Mungo and Midge tend to insist on following me halfway down the street when I'm off to the shops. V. embarrassing.)
"Stop rolling about in the middle of the road, you gormless moggy!" (Also v. embarrassing.)
"Play nice, you two ..." (when they start squabbling with each other).
"Cats don't like raw onion!" (when they get excitable just because kitchen activity is occurring).
"If you lose another collar, I'm taking it out of your pocket money!"
And the old favourites - "How's life in catland?" and "What's new, pussycat?"
I usually greet Gato with "¿Qué sopá?" (the Panamanian Spanish equivalent of "What's up?"), and Gatina with "¡Hola!"
They just give me weird looks. *sigh* If cats could talk back...
Don't know whether I already posted this, but when I come home in the evenings, I always ask Tiger Lilly one of the following questions:
"How was your day?"
"How's it hangin'?"
"Did you have a good day today?"
Depending upon her response, verbal or physical, out conversation progresses from there.
(when they get excitable just because kitchen activity is occurring).
OMG! I'm at the counter, just trying to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich:
"Peanut butter doesn't come out of fur very well, Alex, so QUIT clawing my LEGS!"
At one point last December, our kitty came into the kitchen the instant she realized I was there. And, when I left it, she looked downright offended that I hadn't made her a hot cocoa too.
When I have the fridge door open, Tiger Lilly trys to crawl inside. Since I prevent that from happening, she has to smell everything within her little nose's reach.
I blush to disclose that I open candy wrappers under the blankets to muffle the sound. Doesn't work.
Neither does an innocent look and a "What? What are you looking for? Nothing here for kitties."
I open candy wrappers under the blankets to muffle the sound
I gave up on that some time ago. Tiger Lilly can be in the living room, ignoring me, no matter how nicely I call to her. All I have to do is unwrap a candy, cough drop, or simply make a paper-rustling sound, and she's on top of me like a shot, trying to see if there's any thing she can get a bite of.
All I have to do is stay in the kitchen longer than it takes to throw something out.
Almost every morning I find myself saying something like "Kitties don't drink coffee!"
She's always up on the coffee table getting her cute little nose on my breakfast...
Reasoning and logic don't work. I've tried.
"Kitties don't eat chocolate."
"You do not want this package of needles."
"Kitties are not Jello eaters."
"I am not sharing my diabetic meds with you."
After the jello and chocolate, maybe she thinks she needs the diabetic meds?
New one: "I am not a stepstool!"
I've been trying on and off to get our kitty to accept being brushed, as she does seem to shed a fair amount. Tonight she got the brush between both front paws and tried to double rabbit-kick it -- only she missed by a few inches. (Fortunately, her claws were in her paws, not my wrist.)
When they get a lil rough playing with me (usually my fault for instigating a wrestling session) I often say "Hey no fair, your skin is thicker than mine!"
And Robert, they just look at you and say, with great disdain, nothing...
My cat goes out of his way not to look at me. He came uncommonly near me this evening and looked at me when I looked at him. I asked, "What would you like?" He said nothing.
"Don't bite the hand that feeds you, furball!"
Yeah, so unpleasant of a day, to get bit while trying to give my cuddle ball medicine.
My favorites include, "What are you destroying now?" and
"I said don't eat what you find on the floor."
Err #54, gilroy,
That's why we hire Vets. Someone else to hate other than ourselves. My HIH still wouln't allow me to clip her nails 'cos
of a clumsy attempt by a "friend?" some 7 years ago.
She (human) drew blood and Lizzy didn't even complain,
BUT I have found it almost impossible to clip her nails ever since. Now it is a VET job :-(
My vet and her technicians tried to pill the late, lamented Snowflake. They gave up in frustration and pain and had me do it.
I'm not interested in paying for an office visit every day just so my cat can have her athsma pill.
I'd rather have the war wounds.
"What are you two into now?" usually followed by "Don't make me come in there!"
"You two have already broken one lamp; be reasonable and leave that one alone."
But we don't know if 6Kastru63 is plural. We don't even know if 6Kastru63 is even female.
My most common thing to say is "Finish what's in the bowl!" as one of my cats will use his "Oh my Bast, I'm going to starve to death in the next 15 seconds" yowl to get me to go into the kitchen. The rule is no new food until the old food is gone (he has to eat canned food or he gets urinary tract problems, so it's not a matter of just topping up the bowl).
My roommate laughs out loud when I start one of my very common conversations with a cat by saying "We've discussed this before, and I know you were listening . . . "
To a new cat who arrived with a name that doesn't quite fit. We've talked about possibilities, but haven't hit it quite right, yet.
"I wish you'd just tell us your name so we can get on with it!"
"But above and beyond there's still one name left over,
And that is the name that you never will guess;
The name that no human research can discover--
But THE CAT HIMSELF KNOWS, and will never confess.
When you notice a cat in profound meditation,
The reason, I tell you, is always the same:
His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation
Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name:
His ineffable effable
Deep and inscrutable singular Name."
--From "The Naming of Cats" T.S. Eliot
But if she wants something interesting, she needs to get her Feline-ESP working.
>72 streamsong: I don't know about your cat, but I charge extra for ESP.
I turned around last night and found my tomcat sitting on the kitchen table as if he's been there a great many times before, which of course he hasn't because the cats aren't allowed on the kitchen table. Right? So I, being so surprised (and I was because they aren't allowed on the table), said "What are you doing up there?" and then I stood there waiting for him to answer until I realized what I was doing. And then he got down.
I have a lot of conversations with my cats to suit their mood, especially with the old lady who can growl statements and spit comments better than any other cat I've known.
And my cats will never understand why I drink tea and coffee, but they keep trying to figure it out.
ETA Oh yes, and if it wasn't for ESP, I wouldn't be able to have any of those conversations. I talk to animals all the time. I think my husband now believes I really can ;)
My female Bombay kitten has a huge vocal range which is increasing all the time. I just wish that I had an interpreter.
There are the common words which are the chatter when they see a bird and the flutter/blink for 'I love you' and my last pair of Burmese had a particular word for food but Poppy has already gone way, way beyond the common words. Mostly, I suspect that she is asking me to find her favourite toy, which she hides in places from which she can't retrieve them.
And she always lets me know when I have shut her brother in a cupboard, which happens all too often.
My family loves the way my Bombay, Edgar, will answer me when called. He sounds like he is saying "yes?". He has specific "words" he uses when told to come, eat, stop and go to bed along with many others. My sister's 2 cats rarely speak and mostly meow when hungry. But then I talk to my cat more then she talks to hers.
Have you ever seen a Lassie movie, where the dog runs up to someone, darts away, comes back, darts away, looks over the shoulder to see if anyone is following, and then leads the way to the problem?
Yup. KittyMonster gets under my feet and complains until I ask her what's wrong. Then she "Lassie-s" me to the low water dish, the food dish where you can see the bottom, or whatever is upsetting her little Kitty World. I am well trained.
We had a cat named Shadow who used to stand on his hind legs and bite my knee if it was raining outside both doors of the house. I kept telling him it wasn't my fault. And these days, C's arm is all scratched because Sandy wants his breakfast and C is still in bed, and I get poked by Pip if my computer is on my lap instead of her.
Well, after Illyria spilled water on the page that I write my passwords on, she then thought she could eat it, and I found myself saying:
DO NOT EAT MOMMY'S PASSWORDS!
79> LOL. Maybe you should have said, "Stop putting my words in your mouth!"
Dear MM, #77,
I was hoping that "KM", as did Lassie many times , also tell you that "Timmy is down the Well". Since a Cat is a more astute reader of character, I hope that KM also said "...drown Timmy, drown...".
Err. I was just thinking of an episode of "Buffy" where 'Spike'
discusses a "surreal" episode of some "soapy".
Lizzy discusses the level of water, the amount and freshness of the dry food, the quality of the wet food etc. etc. each and every morning after she has woken me up at 6am. But this is all done in pantomine. I have had one "tiny" meaow, in the last 9 years.
Max as a "MALE PUSSY CAT" expects everyting to be laid out . And Talks and talks and...
When he wakes up at about 4pm.
So, getting back to the main topic of this thread,
I am often flabbergasted...
What is with all the spam our cat threads have been getting lately?
I think I have told this story before but 77 made me think of it... when I was a girl, and lived in the country, we had a mama kitty and three kittens who were all tuxes. The mama was the only one who survived long term. Her name was always "Mother Kitty" even after the kittens were but a memory. She once knocked a can of catfood off the pantry shelf, rolled it into the kitchen with her nose to where the human was standing, and stopped and looked up at the human (my mom). It was so amazing. You could practically hear her say, "OK I did all the hard work, now all you have to do is open it and give me my food."
That is amazing! I don't think any of my cats were that clever, but they have always come running when they hear the can opener, even though I have never fed them anything but dry food!
i did have one little girl learn to open bi-fold closet doors by pulling with her paw in the middle where the hinges are. I was fairly impressed.
My current tabby, Belle, can open closets and can open our back door if it is not locked, because it does not latch properly. Then she can escape. However she can't open the screen door to get back in, for some reason. So once she is out, she sits there waiting for someone to let her back in. I don't know if this is smarts, or a form of idiocy.
Our cats can open doors if they aren't latched. They come running at the sound of the cabinet door opening. (I've been told to not oil the hinges. *sigh*) They opened our folding basement doors, such that I just took them off the tracks.
They haven't done the roll the can trick yet... Maybe I can teach our maugie that...
Every morning, and every evening, Tiger Lilly and I go through her tricks (6 of them) for which she gets a Greenie every time she does one right--she never misses!
The past few weeks, we've been having a discussion for the morning sessions. The alarm goes off. I roll over. There is Tiger Lilly, nose to nose with me. It scares the crap out of me.
I tell her very sternly, "Don't do that! Wait at the foot of the bed, or by my purse, where you used to wait. What's gotten in to you anyway?"
She sits there quietly for a few seconds, then pats me on the head with her paw, and does that meow/squeak thing to let me know she isn't impressed. *sigh*
I saw this on facebook, and thought I would post it here as it may be of interest to some of our cat lovers.
Also 88, that is so funny. My cats usually join us on the bed in the a.m. - all three of them, even though it's my son who sleeps downstairs who feeds them. Evidently it's not about food. Just waking up together and companionship.
>87 gilroy: and previous
My last cat, Jaques, used to sit in the kitchen at night and open the cupboard doors and then let them bang shut - bam! pause bam! pause bam! It took me quite a while to learn to sleep through it. As far as I can tell, he just did it because it was fun.
>88 millhold: & 90 Gustav does exactly the same thing in the mornings. The face patting and squeaking only stops when I get up. He doesn't necessarily want to be fed or let out, it's just "I'm up and about, you should be too".
94> Wow, I'm amazed you can say all that. I usually only manage to say, "OW, OW, OW, OWWWWW!"
@95 - the springboarder in question is quite a little cat so the effect is less painful than what it could be I suspect...
I'm sure this is common, but as it gets colder, I had to tell my cats "My feet aren't mice!"
The other day, Max (Male, Boof head) snuck a 'ratling' into the house.
Usually he presents it to me for approval. I call it his rent.
This time I almost stepped on a "half eaten ratling" in the hallway and shouted out "Finish eating your Rat, you bugger".
That did sound strange, even to me.
"No scratching allowed". "No sneezing allowed". "No kicking allowed". I still believe she will learn rules if I repeat them often enough.
99: LOL! My cats generally don't get much vermin as they are completely indoor, but when I lived in an apartment we did find a half eaten mouse one day. What was left were basically the hind legs and tail.
Whoops sorry for the double post. Don't know how that happened.
102: Inorite! I am so over the cats coming in to the bathroom with me, it's so nuts.
Yeah, I actually tell my cat I'm going to the bathroom, would he like to watch? He always follows, invitation or no.
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