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Patron Saints Index

Happy Heathens

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1jseger9000
Mar 19, 2008, 6:12pm Top

I was listening to an old Jean Shepherd show via podcast and he was saying that some day soon there would be a patron saint of telephones (this was in 1960).

I was curious, so I googled and found this treasure: PATRON SAINTS PATRONAGE INDEX

The patron saint of telephones is Clare of Assisi. I wish I could tell Jean he was right.

(BTW: The patron saint of the Internet's' is Isidore of Seville)

2DaynaRT
Mar 19, 2008, 6:13pm Top

I need a patron saint of lost socks.

3jseger9000
Mar 19, 2008, 6:16pm Top

Saint Hubbins? He was the patron saint of quality footwear.

4littlegeek
Mar 19, 2008, 7:10pm Top

How does one get elected to be the "patron saint" of something? Is there a special college of cardinals that decides or something?

Catholicism is so buerocratic! (how the hell do you spell that!)

5jjwilson61
Mar 19, 2008, 7:13pm Top

Bureaucratic. You can thank the French.

6littlegeek
Mar 19, 2008, 7:45pm Top

thanks! or merci, I guess.

7Choreocrat
Mar 19, 2008, 9:23pm Top

2 - Anthony for lost things, if I remember rightly, but I don't know of one specifically for socks. Can we elect you, flee? We'll give you superpowers...

8DaynaRT
Mar 19, 2008, 9:30pm Top

I would be the saint of lost virtue.

9VenusofUrbino
Mar 20, 2008, 8:31am Top

Patron saint of abdominal pains is Erasmus. I see he died by disembowelment. No wonder....

I'll have to remember that next time I am on the can.

10amancine
Mar 20, 2008, 8:34am Top

I highly recommend Saints Preserve Us: Everything You Need to Know About Every Saint You'll Ever Need by Sean Kelly. It is just invaluable when you don't want to waste your time praying to the wrong saint.

11DaynaRT
Mar 20, 2008, 8:52am Top

waste your time praying

yep :)

12amancine
Mar 20, 2008, 9:17am Top

When my husband was growing up, he and his siblings always knew who was in the doghouse with their dad by checking to see whose school photo was under the statue of St. Jude - the patron saint of desparate/lost causes.

Nice guy, my father-in-law.

13Amtep
Mar 20, 2008, 9:19am Top

Some of these saints seem like they would be very busy. Do they have helpers to lighten the load?

14MrAndrew
Mar 20, 2008, 10:21am Top

>#11: so, if for some reason i was praying to fleela, the patron saint of lost virtue, for, say, some kind of intervention... that would be time wasted?

damn.

15modalursine
Edited: Apr 6, 2008, 8:53pm Top

There's always been a special place at our house for St Lucy Goosey, the patron saint of flojera (looseness,
laxness, "slack" )

Never could find a statue of her, though. Anybody know what she looks like? I imagine her as a good looking young woman (quick sniggering back there!)
maybe a leeeetle bit on the zoftig side, hair not quite perfectly coiffed, some buttons not quite buttoned,
looking a bit frazzled.

16Arctic-Stranger
Apr 6, 2008, 9:01pm Top

I want to be the patron saint of confusion. St. Arctic the Stranger, patron saint of WTF.

17Arctic-Stranger
Apr 6, 2008, 9:01pm Top

I want to be the patron saint of confusion. St. Arctic the Stranger, patron saint of WTF.

18Choreocrat
Apr 6, 2008, 9:07pm Top

Do you bring confusion or cure it? I can think of good uses for both.

I have a soft spot for Phil, Prince of Insufficient Light.

19clamairy
Edited: Apr 6, 2008, 9:27pm Top

#1 - Hey, that's my name. I was going to say, 'What? She's the patron saint of TV!' But I looked it up and Clare has a list a mile long:
embroiderers;
eye disease;
eyes;
gilders;
goldsmiths;
gold workers;
good weather;
laundry workers;
needle workers;
Santa Clara Indian Pueblo;
telegraphs;
telephones;
television;
television writers

What the heck is a gilder? Someone who puts gold on things? LOLOL

20Arctic-Stranger
Apr 6, 2008, 9:38pm Top

#18
yes.

21Choreocrat
Edited: Apr 7, 2008, 1:09am Top

*brain explodes*

Dear Saint Arctic Stranger, I beg of you in your benificence to relieve my confusion or confound me beyond recognition of reality.

Dear Saint Arctic Stranger, I beg of you in your benificence to relieve my confusion or confound me beyond recognition of reality.

Dear Saint Arctic Stranger, I beg of you in your benificence to relieve my confusion or confound me beyond recognition of reality.

Is three times enough? I don't want RSI from too much Ctrl-V-ing.

22Arctic-Stranger
Apr 7, 2008, 12:53pm Top

Where you talking to me? Would that I could believe that thou shalt will that which thou will will, but if thou will that which thou shalt not will, and can't not will, then what thou will wilt, will wilt.

23WholeHouseLibrary
Edited: Apr 7, 2008, 3:02pm Top

Fish! Fish have a patron saint!!! Unbelievable!

I'll bet that PS of conquistadors has a lot of free time on his hands....

ETA: Couldn't help but notice the gap - there's no PS of atheism. Apparently, aquatic sole has more 'pearly gate' appeal than a lost soul.

24Choreocrat
Edited: Apr 7, 2008, 10:19pm Top

Where you talking to me? Would that I could believe that thou shalt will that which thou will will, but if thou will that which thou shalt not will, and can't not will, then what thou will wilt, will wilt.

Verbal confusion is harder on me - I've done quite some syntax and a bit of Early Modern English

Were you talking to me? Would that I could believe that thou shalt will that which thou willst will, but if thou willst that which thou shalt not will, and can't not will, then what thou willst wilt, will wilt. Fixed for pronominal agreement. No criticism, just for fun and easier interpretation (and not necessarily completely correct).

25LostMuse
Apr 7, 2008, 10:19pm Top

23>
No reason to have saint acting as message-relay to a divinity if your flock doesn't believe in him. Burn, atheists, burn (yeah, I'm one of 'em).

26Arctic-Stranger
Apr 7, 2008, 10:47pm Top

It is not supposed to to be easy to interpret.

Where was intentional. I did not mean were, I meant where. You figure it out. Dont correct a saint.

Infidel....

27MrAndrew
Apr 8, 2008, 12:32am Top

I finally took a look at this site. Today (8 April here), is the feast day of:

Maximus
African martyr whose name appears on ancient lists, but about whom nothing is known.

*marvels at the sheer uselessness of this information, while waiting for the inevitable Russell Crowe gags*

28LydiaHD
Apr 8, 2008, 1:02am Top

I propose we atheists hijack Maximus for our patron saint.

29Amtep
Apr 8, 2008, 5:20am Top

I'm not sure atheists exist, from the saintly perspective. We might be able to find a saint for those who doubt their faith :)

30WholeHouseLibrary
Apr 8, 2008, 5:25am Top

That would be Thomas ....

31jseger9000
Edited: Apr 8, 2008, 9:50am Top

Couldn't help but notice the gap - there's no PS of atheism.

I'm at work and can't check the site right now, but isn't there a patron siant of lost causes?

32Arctic-Stranger
Apr 8, 2008, 12:14pm Top

That would be St. Jude.

33LydiaHD
Apr 8, 2008, 12:41pm Top

Oh, gosh, poor St. Jude, already he's got a crushing workload, and along comes God and says, "I'm assigning the atheists to you!"

34NobodysGirl
Apr 8, 2008, 1:33pm Top

Wow. there's too many saints in that stupid religion
I never knew there was a saint of atheists. how wierd

35jseger9000
Edited: Apr 8, 2008, 4:41pm Top

Catholicism is no stupider than Wicca or Hinduism or Islam or any of the rest.

36weener
Apr 8, 2008, 3:56pm Top

My favorite saint is San Martin de Porres. I have a candle with a picture of him on it.

He is the patron saint of black people, hair stylists, and Peruvian Naval Aviators.

37DaynaRT
Jul 31, 2008, 8:54am Top

The 8 Most Bizarre Patron Saints

(link goes to Cracked.com so there is always the possibility of NSFW material)

38yapete
Jul 31, 2008, 9:49am Top

Sorry, as a former Catholic, I must point out (#2) that the patron saint of all lost things (including socks) is St. Anthony of Padua. Just to make sure, I don't want you pray to the wrong one, especially of you liked your socks...

However, if you have pretty much given up on the socks, may I suggest to pray to St. Jude, the patron saint of 'lost causes'?

#35 "Catholicism is no stupider than Wicca or Hinduism or Islam or any of the rest."

Agree. May I add fundamentalist protestant Christianity. Believing the world was made 6000 years ago, dinosaur bones and all, is in my book even stupider than believing in some quaint 'saints'.

39jseger9000
Jul 31, 2008, 9:55am Top

#38 - Yapete,

Sorry, as a former Catholic, I must point out (#2) that the patron saint of all lost things (including socks) is St. Anthony of Padua.

My suggestion of praying to Saint Hubbins, the patron saint of quality footwear was a joke. Nobody ever seemed to catch it though. Guess I'm the only one who saw This is Spinal Tap?

40yapete
Jul 31, 2008, 11:34am Top

No, that one has been on my list for a long time, but I haven't seen it yet. I will now ;-)

41Scratch
Jul 31, 2008, 9:51pm Top

I notice a marked lack of matron saints.

42DaynaRT
Jul 31, 2008, 11:22pm Top

I have a new favorite, St. Priapus.

Ok, so he's not a saint, but the Greeks sure knew how to pick gods!

43jseger9000
Aug 1, 2008, 3:51pm Top

#42, If Priapus was a saint, just think of how much more interesting Catholicism would be!

44weener
Aug 1, 2008, 4:30pm Top

On the contrary, I think that Catholicism's staunch denial of boners makes it very interesting indeed.

45DaynaRT
Aug 1, 2008, 6:42pm Top

denial of boners

That is one of the best phrases I've read all day.

46Essa
Aug 1, 2008, 6:46pm Top

It sounds like a great name for a band. :D

47DaynaRT
Edited: Aug 1, 2008, 6:50pm Top

dOb - brought to you by Viagra

48BTRIPP
Aug 1, 2008, 10:37pm Top

Re. #47: "brought to you by Viagra"

NSFW "ad" image

heh ...

 

49walk2work
Edited: Aug 2, 2008, 10:59pm Top

I was born on St. Bartholomew's day, and I think I must have been something of a proto-Goth Chick in high school, because I knew he was the PS of leatherworkers, having been flayed alive.

Now I find out that he is also the PS of, among other things, bookbinders (!) and shoemakers, against nervous diseases and twitching, and whiteners.

Does that mean he can help folks become more Caucasian? He was martyred in Armenia. Isn't that in the Caucasus?

Edited because I wasn't done . . . grrrr these tabbed browsers when I'm tired

50jseger9000
Aug 2, 2008, 11:03pm Top

#49 - Walk2work,

Now I find out that he is also the PS of, among other things... whiteners.

Does that mean he can help folks become more Caucasian?


If I weren't so above board and respectable, I'd make some sort of Michael Jackson joke at this point.

51modalursine
Aug 3, 2008, 12:32am Top

My favorite saint (I invented her myself) is St Lucy Goosey, patron saint of "flojera" (spanish for laziness
and "slack")

She has longish disheveled hair. Various bits of her costume show er "wardrobe malfunction". There may be what looks like a personal vibrator not quite tucked away in a pocket or purse; its hard to tell.

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