Best Happy Heathens Map Ever

Oh my...

I think I'll spend some time in America Land, then sit on God's lap, and then retire to the Marital-coitus castle!

It's the Arena of Answers for me - I've got a lot of questions for The Big Guy in the Sky.

Am I the only one who thinks it's odd that the marital-coitus castle and the Family Land are so close together? I just wouldn't want my dearly departed to hear that...

Strangemaps is a great place :-)

LOL! I like the message over the entrance : YOU DID IT

"Arbeit macht Frei"

Sorry, I couldn't stop it.

#4: The marital-coitus castle only contains informative documentaries. Once you are in heaven there is of course no longer a need to procreate.

But why then the Nu-body machine immediately after the entrance?
And - sex is not only for procreation, you know ;-)

It's a trap. Notice that there are hundreds waiting for new bodies but none at all waiting to enter the marital-coitus castle. The new bodies don't have genitals!!!

See how many people are standing around the damned viewer! I always felt that schadenfreude was a major part of Christianity.
Nothing makes you feel better about your religion than imagining people you disagree with burning in hell forever and ever. (But of course, "God loves us" - sorry, borrowed that from George Carlin)

The castle must be a recent innovation. According to Mark Twain the one item left out of the christian heaven seems to be
those earthly pleasures we never stop thinking about. Rather hard on those who are not married, I should think.

The moslem heaven seems a much better deal, at least for males.

#12 -- Women who are ever-renewably virgin don't sound all that great to me. I mean, how good could they be in bed.

I think that's one of the reasons I left Islam: women don't get laid in heaven unless their husbands call them to join the harem of virgins.

#13 -- ever-renewably virgin? so much congitive dissonance...If you had to be a virgin again all the time, why would you bother? Are you sure that wasn't hell?

Deflowering virgins is messy and unpleasant. They belong in the other place.

So in the word according to darrow, virgins go to hell?
I hope the "true love waits" movement is aware of this.
I guess they're screwed either way :)

Thanks so much for posting the map -- it's terrific. Has anyone read Robert A. Heinlein's JOB: A Comedy of Justice? His description of the Christian heaven and the experiences of the devout Christian who ends up there is terrific.

And there's a terrific story in the collection The Golden Argosy about an old-timey country doctor who dies and ends up in heaven, only to find himself bored out of his wits -- he's spent his whole life healing folks, but everyone in heaven is healthy, of course. So he requests reassignment to the other place, and spends eternity happily treating the poor devils (literally). It's a gem of a story. Sorry I can't remember the title or author.

#16 I was merely supporting anneh's view.

#18 I was thinking of it from the female's point of view, however.
No judgement upon actual virgins,
I just thought being one forever sounded rather unpleasant.

Clarification for the sake of accuracy: The virgins are not human, but heavenly.

The Arena of Answers looks like just my cup of tea given that I have a question mark for a brain. Besides, it's right next to the Throne of Mary and that's one woman I'd really like to talk with.

I have one major problem with the map and I'm astounded no one else has noticed it: Shouldn't the throne of God be in Americaland, rather than simply next to it? Sadly I do not believe this is a true map of Heaven...

Good point, jseger. I now think this is a fake.

I showed the map to a religious friend of mine and he came back with this:

1 Corinthians 2:9
However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"