The Haunted Soda, Part III: Chapter 15
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May 15, 2010, 12:10pm
'Pops' sat alone in his
May 16, 2010, 4:59am
cell, waiting for his lawyer
May 17, 2010, 10:03am
to arrive. Mary and Lola
May 17, 2010, 1:14pm
were also quiet, trying to
May 18, 2010, 10:42am
each watch the other for
May 19, 2010, 8:41am
their reaction to this turn
May 19, 2010, 11:33am
events. Lola believed Mary would
Edited: May 19, 2010, 12:23pm
do something stupid or desperate.
May 19, 2010, 9:32pm
The sheriff wasn't much happier
than Pops, Mary & Lola.
evidence against Pops, Mary, Lola.
Edited: Nov 4, 2010, 1:12pm
Islamic Country is Framing them.
May 21, 2010, 11:40am
Holding them was a gamble
May 21, 2010, 12:01pm
maybe Ted and Oswald would
Edited: May 21, 2010, 3:00pm
be able to help clear
could then be released. Maybe.
They were accessories, if not
before the fact, then after.
They might even be accomplices.
family bond might be wearing
thin or, maybe, the investigation
is going nowhere real fast.
If one would squeal, that
May 24, 2010, 11:33am
sew it up, but they
too frightened of the consequences
to actually tell us anything
that might be useful. Then
again, the prosecutor was eager
May 27, 2010, 12:28pm
for the publicity that he
would get if he won.
But the sheriff couldn't dismiss
the notion that darker forces
out there are against her.
With night falling, the jail
quietened and Mary finally fell
into uneasy sleep. Lola remained
somewhat alert, hoping that she
Edited: Jun 11, 2010, 11:05am
prove to Deputy Hott Dawg
that passing a simple message
between us is a conspiracy.
Meanwhile, the guys, even Elvis
was tired of waiting around
Edited: Jun 17, 2010, 1:27pm
, but Oswald was uncertain how
to move forward without jeopardizing
their Promise not to leave
the county. He was willing
to try a desperate escape
Jun 18, 2010, 12:16pm
but only if there was
a chance it would succeed.
about his escape plan. Then
he would ditch Smithers, Ted
mused over this a moment,
then turned to Oswald and
winked. Yawning, he said "I'm
ride home. Nice meeting you."
Have a nice life. Afterwards
Oswald and Smithers started walking
towards the 19641/2 Ford Mustang,
bent to tie his shoelace.
Smithers kept walking and Oswald
catch back up with Smithers.
really paying attention until Elvis
disappeared under a pick-up, making
Jun 26, 2010, 12:58pm
a screeching yowl as the
headlights flashed on. Smithers cackled
Elvis. Hissing, scratching and biting,
the cat eluded capture. Failing
, he watched as Elvis ran
up an old oak tree.
Oswald slipped away unnoticed by
the others. He thought that
and get the 19641/2 Mustang,
Edited: Jul 2, 2010, 2:11pm
Video Crew to show their
side of the shocking story.
he could accomplish if only
he had the proper reinforcements.
Smithers and Elvis, having come to
headed towards the cabin by
devious routes. In the shadows
various shapes appeared. They now
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trailed discreetly behind Smithers
whistling to himself with secret
plans for his conquest of
Mary. Everything was going brilliantly
on the dark side -- nothing
tangible worked out for him:
lifelong failures, not, by now
an unfamiliar or unexpected outcome.
Still, this time it might
be reversed. His current plan
he could almost taste it,
but a sudden sight, ahead
distracted him from his musings.
There was Elvis, prancing down
forehead --no doubt for opening
the door that had remained
locked, though unforbidding-looking, next to
the kitchen. Though a cat
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had somehow gotten in. He
didn't like other cats unless
they were into sharing food
. Smithers recognized the key as
for entering and leaving the
back stairs to the jailhouse.
Then, if a jailbreak became
possible he would seize the
other entrances and exits. Plots
against Deputy Hott Dawg and
his coterie seldom succeed: Deputy
Sunny Sunshine and Rainny Dayz,
were easier to hornswoggle. Smithers
tried to charm the women,
before she started freakin' out.
Could he assume Oswald had
already given Mary her Medications?
Who, for that matter, was
to take on Oswaldʻs duties?
Lola was the logical choice,
being Possessed with multiple personalities
, but, as Sarah told her,
the spells don't last long,
one besides Pops who knew,
exactly, where to find the
written spells and antidotes. What
Smithers wanted was Mary's love,
the Senator's doilies/treasure map
and weapons. Smithers, consequently,
was crushed when Mary scorned
Smithers real intentions towards Lola,
and found his intentions toward
any romance positively laughable. He
simply couldn't understand why everyone
failed to see his genius.
He, therefore, decided to cope
by "rescuing" Mary from a
dire predicament. It seemed a
that his intentions, overall,
the latter: indubitable, he
he concocted a foolproof scheme
with principles based on well-established
stereotypes. But he forgot one
fact about himself-- Smithers: He
is a Pathological Liar unable,
to distinguish facts from fantasy.
You can't believe anything Smithers,
mentally classified his insights. Meanwhile,
sherrif was inquiring into the
where abouts of the Deputies,
who had been missing from
their posts ever since the
Metropolitan Police, to the effect
of a Search Party looking,
for drugs found the Senator's
Personal Diaries and treasure map,
clutched in the dead hands
of an unidentified woman. Reports
from other jurisdictions were also
pin-pointing the locations of Smithers,
Oswald, Elvis and the Deputies,
were confused. Too little time
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viable strategy and too much
conflicting information. Smithers slipped under
cell holding Lola and Mary.
"Psst! Mary! Are you OK?"
No answer at first. Then:
Mary started floating several feet,
before replying, "Why wouldnʻt I
Smithers help up the
victim, still wondering why she
was talking Ancient dead languages,
notably Hittite, Pelasgian, and -- if
he was not mistaken, Klingon.
Which was strange, because Klingon
wasn't dead. Smithers unlocked the
victimʻs improvised armor. throwing all
the pieces into a corner.
(The cornerlessness of the place
being an optical illusion soon
dispelled.) Lola sat up on
a knoll, giving herself some
privacy under a shady tree,
unnoticed by their pursuers. "Why
said. Looking around, she noticed
that the pursuers had re-appeared.
They hadn't noticed her yet
brief respite, for Smithers was
Streaking towards them Man boobs,
(Strangely, because Smithers himself was
well endowed with 60 EEE,
and was a "pursued", rather
than pursuer) and would notice
whether or not anyone else
could enhance the escape plan.
Meanwhile the others slipped away,
to another one somewhere else.
The "even playing field", then,
was somewhat restored. From his
particular point of view. Then,
The pursuers took advantage of
a surprise raid on the,
stragglers, ending in a reversal
direction for our gang. But,
on evaluating the raidʻs results,
not much food, water, medicine,
ammunition, or reserves, but a
supply of Pot, Beer, PB,
and other necessaries. They re-organized
everything by a colour-coded,
formula, and urged their followers
to learn how-to-use,
instant-skills, do-it-yourself, and other
long standing traditons Ages ago.
To summarize, their defense now
stealth is what is needed.
(Stealth in its original meaning,
secret, furtive, artfully sly action,
so that all resources would
be kept under lock and
key, regardless of the dearth
to everyone involved. Paranoia ran,
Rampant. Some even defected
The Others to our side.
picture of rationing supplies, food,
and all necessaries. Our new
direction and our new aim
entailed a policy of resolute
preparedness for anything and everything,
including further attacks, truces, or
even any unforeseen Medical Emergencies,
not to mention alliances, or
whatever was thrown at them!
(And the throws might include
Spears, Molotov Cocktails, Rocks, Cocoanuts,
et various cetera. New plans
and weapons were needed quickly,
hostile actions, warnings, and threats,
killing zone was immediately cleared,
in readiness for an assault
, the only question being: "By
which direction will they attack?
This made the waiting unbearable,
who relished the conflict to
soothe their otherwise frayed nerves
by smoking Pot, drinking Beer,
Oct 4, 2010, 12:06pm
and dancing like it was
2099. All they lacked was
Sympathy for the Devil playing,
hovering over head weapons ready,
send The Others to Hell.
The situationʻd become so theological
, Wicker Man Sacrifices to Goddess,
were introduced, along with other
Pagan Ceremonies, Rites, Deities, Symbols,
so that the reporters covering
the WIcker Man Sacrifices LIVE,
were confused as to whether
, or not Selling Souvenirs, DVD's,
Oct 18, 2010, 6:52pm
edible underwear, lighters, and incense
would attract sponsors. Their efforts
were not in vain. Sponsors,
thronged, and shoved other sponsors
and cheapest sponsees. After all,
Edited: Oct 25, 2010, 10:00am
Sony's realistic PS3 Video Games,
Could comprise a high percentage
of the total Gross Profits,
("Gross" not to be confued
with Net Profits are totally,
--well--"comprised", although "netted" and
This message has been deleted by its author.
left over after all deductions,
none of which seemed validly
pertinent to Wicker Man Profits,
"Profiteers", so to speak, judged
for charging sky high prices,
much more affordable pricing rates,
thus inciting a plethora of
affordable Souvenirs by the Sponsors.
of the big name Sponsors,
like Kraft, Tea Party, and
Red Rose, Maxwell House, Folgers,
and Tasterʻs Choice, aka Nestleʻs
Coffee Mate, Starbucks, Victoria's Secret,
Roswell New Mexico Aliens logo,
(Having now summed up sufficient
evidence about Roswell Cover-up.
To no avail, Smithers argued
he believed Weather-Balloon story,
his government could not lie
to entire world 63 years,
even though they might stretch
the Weather- Balloon hoax further,
believe the Weather-Balloon hoax?
The easy alternative was to
believe the Roswell Crash evidence,
easier than thinking that it
was derived from some routine
hoax made by the Military.
The dispute didnʻt end there:
Edited: Dec 4, 2010, 4:30am
the New World freaks had,
devised "irrefutable" arguments that tended
to be fascinating despite their
vituperations, illogic, and all-around wrong-headed
. Using tampered evidence as facts,
ignoring real facts, and fabricating
rumors, leaks, disinformation as facts,
hence they stand rejected. New
evidence from Area 51 proves,
Dec 11, 2010, 7:53pm
although the aliens may disagree,
shore up the "conventional wisdom".
By believing any outlandish theories
,the "weather balloons" theory among
the most outlandish of them
. "Outlandish", by derivation, "foreign", or
totally unimaginable, idiotic cover story,
which, if believed, indicates that
Jul 1, 2011, 7:10pm
time travel is a fact.
that Time Travel is possible
Aug 11, 2011, 7:14pm
, although, lacking a TARDIS or
Wellsian "Time-Machine", our progress has
Aug 12, 2011, 8:21am
been less than encouraging in
actually reaching Past or Future
Aug 13, 2011, 12:03am
and uncover how Smithers had
(remember him?) delved into the
Aug 13, 2011, 9:17am
dark side of transvestite lifestyle.
It also had its bright side,
he bought Victoria's Secret Lingerie,
Aug 17, 2011, 2:09pm
and the cutest pair of
High Heels on Sale 75%
Aug 17, 2011, 8:19pm
off. If only the hallucinogens
he thinks he's Queen Nefertiti.
They donʻt always affect him
the same way two times
in sequence. Sometimes, for example,
Aug 19, 2011, 11:17pm
he'd think Mary was Lola,
Lola was Helene, and Helene
was Smithers and Smithers was,
Mary's brother-in-law, her husband being
Aug 25, 2011, 8:30pm
no relation to Pops ... thankfully.
one's family of in-laws.
) As it was, however, Smithers
secrety despised his In-Laws,
,they being the unlikely combination
Apr 16, 2012, 5:01pm
of amphibians and showgirls (mostly).
And Smithers'd always liked the
idea of having Sex with,
Apr 18, 2012, 1:49pm
the most unlikely collections of
Amphibians, Show Girls in Leather,
Apr 19, 2012, 9:02am
"whiplash girlchild in the dark",
Edited: Apr 19, 2012, 10:05am
Peanut Butter with Whip Cream,
,or with carrots(!), a rare
Sexual smorgasbord of sensual delights,
Apr 20, 2012, 8:49am
unimagined by most of humanity.
Edited: Apr 20, 2012, 11:06am
Role Playing, BDSM, Partying, Oral,
--you get the drift -- all
Apr 21, 2012, 3:33pm
echoing gin, Fanta, and saxophones.
Since the latterʻs music carries
such melodious and dreamy notes,
Apr 23, 2012, 2:34pm
the concerns of consciousness lost,
and one murmurs, "Who wants
Apr 25, 2012, 10:04am
seconds?", while regretting the "firsts".
the "Firstsʻ , above all, having
the adults only Beltane Bacchanalia,
(That Bacchanalia's best known as
Edited: Apr 30, 2012, 10:30am
Mayday. Celebrating sexuality, purification, fertility.
Apr 30, 2012, 12:17pm
Oh, and also: parading ICBMs.)
reflect the erect Phallic symbolism,
(Calling US "literati" -- Hah!)
Scoffs roland perkins to Beatles1964,
May 9, 2012, 9:58am
who was busy perfecting his
explanation of the nuances of
May 11, 2012, 2:43pm
Coleman, Coltrane and Parker's styles
,much as those might tend
May 21, 2012, 5:36pm
to fade with the gin.
May 30, 2012, 9:34am
held sacred to Lethe, etc.).
Those old river-deities knew what
mortal man needed and feared
.gin being one such. Soon
Jun 5, 2012, 9:27am
the sax faded, and Smithers
took up the current problem
Jun 6, 2012, 5:40pm
conscience ever since Pops had
announced "Today is Escape-Day! All
Jun 6, 2012, 11:41pm
Reality seemed to be the
last resort of sanity that
few can deduce. Obviously, new
research had thrown up many
factors previously unconsidered, like the
Jun 16, 2012, 7:35pm
how those amphibious genes got
Onto land-creatures, and, specifically, onto
dinosaurs, crocodiles, alligators, komodo dragons,
Jun 18, 2012, 8:49am
and, most specifically, into Smithers.
Smithers coped with them by
having his DNA Gene Spliced,
(and gene-splicingʻs become, traditionally, known
in 1970s, recombinant DNA technology.
Though forgetful of Crichtonʻs "Dinosaurs",
Jurassic Park/The Lost World,
people who rarely had any
other corporeal gyrations operant upon
Jun 21, 2012, 11:17am
those particular aspects of the
terrestial body. All things considered,
Jun 22, 2012, 2:38pm
it was remarkable how the
it all together when others
Virtually fell apart! How, then
could they unite the fragments.
Jun 24, 2012, 12:10pm
, and would that even be
an improvement? After all, one
Dinosaur Species is different from,
Another. In fact, scientists have
long known Birds & Dinosaurs,
to be related. Elsewhere, species
took a different evolutionary road,
Jul 16, 2012, 10:01am
but then there was Smithers.
turning into the ferocius Smithersasaurus,
anywhere Dinosaur Fossills are found,
or elsewhere! Be the first
Jul 27, 2012, 2:40pm
one on your block
to be a "Dinosaur-Fossil Discoverer"
like Lara Croft/Indiana Jones,
Aug 8, 2012, 4:31pm
but not so good looking.
Smithersasauri, whether former Smitherses or
Aug 20, 2012, 6:57pm
some odd amalgamation of that
kind. Smithersasauri usually attract many
Mates and Predators because of,
--well, because of -- attraction. They
emit certain mate/prey pheromones,
and whatʻs crucial is whether
the mate or prey pheromone,
is predominant. Nearing a solution,
"take" on the whole question
which couldn't be answered by
a mere description of pheromone
or any other description that
either defines or "talks AROUND"
any answer other than the
one Smithers gives, (assuming Smithers
relief from the thoughts in
such pllights as these. Next,
thoughts must evolve into action.
And, action into peaceful community.
Nonpursuers, non-pursued, and such. (Assuming
guts to make a full-fledged
peace (what daring!) and community
any settlement. Whatʻs more, the
from serious negotiation. All of
the chapters to be written.
That said, we should continue
,since a chapterʻs "iron" is
a test of Roland's mettle
,and he usually provides characteristic
traits that leave a trace
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