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Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No,…
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Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No, To Take Control of Your Life (1992)

by Henry Cloud, John Sims Townsend

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English (27)  German (1)  All languages (28)
Showing 1-5 of 27 (next | show all)
A good friend of mine read this book and recommended it to me. Then coincidentally my son started reading it. So I thought I'd pick it up, not expecting it to be as good as it is! This is probably one of the best books I've read this year. The authors are Christian and come from that orientation, but anyone could read this book and be transformed by its truths. The chapters cover boundary setting in different spheres of life- work, marriage, with children, aging parents, and with oneself. They talk about guilt, and for me one of the most important concepts- owning one's problems. So ( and this is an oversimplification) if you are annoyed by someone's being consistently late- just let him/her know that next time you hope she'll be on time but if not you'll leave w/o her. Whoa! It's so simple, but so few people actually do this! They, including me, will cajole, remind, nag, family members to get ready, hurry up, c'mon, we're going to be late, etc.. Instead of setting a boundary... So.. I tried it with my daughter. And lo and behold.. now she knows I'll leave for the gym w/o her if she's not ready. And guess what? She's prompt now! So... not that this is a magic cure.. but just one simple example of taking control of yourself and letting consequences happen naturally . Love it. I plan to re-read this from time to time. Highly recommend. ( )
  homeschoolmimzi | Dec 5, 2017 |
I first read this book in the 1990s, at about the same time I read The Joshua Factor. Cloud and Townsend integrate their psychological and theological understandings in a refreshing manner. It is unashamedly Christian in focus, but that need not deter the non-Christian from taking note of the lessons, and adapting the spiritual aspects to their own faith or spirituality. What I like about the book is the applicability of boundary lessons, especially to areas of one's life that are deeply familial and personal. This is the book's strength, and when combined with the psychological foundations and research, the messages are powerful. I am pleased to have re-read this book, and the timing was perfect. The quote I wrote down over and over again while reading this was "Own the problem" (p. 207). And Proverbs 19:3 kept coming back to me: "The foolishness of man twists his way, and his heart frets against the Lord" (NKJV). If the non-Christian reader can identify with the philosophical and spiritual bases drawn upon in the book, there is much wisdom to be gained. A work well worth reading as part of one's end-of-year reflection. ( )
  madepercy | Nov 7, 2017 |
Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not. Boundaries impact all areas of our lives: Physical boundaries help us determine who may touch us and under what circumstances -- Mental boundaries give us the freedom to have our own thoughts and opinions -- Emotional boundaries help us to deal with our own emotions and disengage from the harmful, manipulative emotions of others -- Spiritual boundaries help us to distinguish God's will from our own and give us renewed awe for our Creator -- Often, Christians focus so much on being loving and unselfish that they forget their own limits and limitations. When confronted with their lack of boundaries, they ask: - Can I set limits and still be a loving person? - What are legitimate boundaries? - What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries? - How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money? - Aren't boundaries selfish? - Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries? Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend offer biblically-based answers to these and other tough questions, showing us how to set healthy boundaries with our parents, spouses, children, friends, co-workers, and even ourselves. ( )
  cdiemert | Jul 30, 2017 |
Essential for those of us who work with people. ( )
  ladybethikerd | Apr 8, 2017 |
This is harder to read than [b:Safe People|65325|Safe People How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't|Henry Cloud|http://photo.goodreads.com/books/1170632810s/65325.jpg|344411]. [a:Henry Cloud|1114699|Henry Cloud|http://www.goodreads.com/images/nophoto/nophoto-U-50x66.jpg] and [a:John Townsend|1330854|John Townsend|http://www.goodreads.com/images/nophoto/nophoto-U-50x66.jpg] wrote several books based on the central concept of personal boundaries. I have only read two.

Understanding personal boundaries is essential to emotional safety in close relationships.

I recommend this book to BDSM scene people because we have nothing quite like it that addresses the same issues but comes from within any kink subculture. Red Flag lists don't convey this concept. The "war stories" we hear only go so far to advance our understanding. We need more, and better, help.

  Ponygroom | Dec 17, 2016 |
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Henry Cloudprimary authorall editionscalculated
Townsend, John Simsmain authorall editionsconfirmed
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Amazon.com Amazon.com Review (ISBN 0310247454, Paperback)

In order to call themselves good Christians, many people have drawn overly flexible boundaries (unwilling to say no, always accommodating others' needs) or overly rigid boundaries (to the point of being righteous and judgmental). Psychologists and inspirational speakers Cloud and Townsend show readers how to set reasonable boundaries in order to follow the true path of Christianity. This book has become immensely popular, most likely because it makes personal boundaries easier to define and is filled with spiritual purpose. Some cautions: the format can be overly self-helpish for such a complex discussion and the authors at one point imply that judicious spankings may be an acceptable form of setting boundaries with children. However, many Christians will probably find themselves grateful for this biblical context of boundaries. --Gail Hudson

(retrieved from Amazon Thu, 12 Mar 2015 18:10:05 -0400)

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When to say yes, when to say no to take control of your life.

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Zondervan

2 editions of this book were published by Zondervan.

Editions: 0310247454, 0310585902

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