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Guards! Guards! by Terry Pratchett

Guards! Guards! (1989)

by Terry Pratchett

Other authors: See the other authors section.

Series: Discworld (8), Discworld: City Watch (1)

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English (105)  Spanish (3)  Polish (2)  Danish (1)  Italian (1)  French (1)  All languages (113)
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The scene where they heat the kettle might well be the funniest thing I've ever read. ( )
  Lukerik | Oct 8, 2015 |
How To Read Terry Pratchett's Discworld Novels

1. Skip the first two books in the series. This is crucial. If you read these first, you will be rightly annoyed by their just-barely-okayness, and spend the rest of your life muttering about how overrated he is.

Terry Pratchett wrote these two books. Then all of a sudden he started writing really, really well. I don't know what happened. Maybe he sold his soul. My own theory is that his long-suffering wife waited as patiently as she could for him to pull himself together as a writer; and then, after she proofread his second novel, something in her snapped and she thwapped him in the head with the book in question. "You're better than this, damn it!" she shouted. "Now get in there and write something good!" And he did.

2. Start with the first book in one of the subseries'. The Discworld books all take place on the same planet, but they involve different groups of people:

The witches (my favorites)
The Night Watch (my also-favorites)
Death (granted, he's not a group, but he does have a family)
The wizards

Okay, there are standalones, like Small Gods. And in a way, all the Discworld books are standalones. (Except for the first two, because the first one ends on a cliffhanger. Like I said, skip them until you've read some of the really good ones, and then brace yourself and read them purely for continuity purposes.) I started with the 23rd book in the series, Carpe Jugulum, and was perfectly fine, other than a tendency to preach the gospel of Discworld Is Flippin' Amazing And You Have To Read These Books, which I'm trying to get under control.

But it's a lot of fun to follow the threads. To start, for instance, with Equal Rites, which introduces you to both the witches and the wizards. (This isn't Hogwarts, and those most definitely are not the same thing in Discworld.) Then you can go on to Wyrd Sisters and Witches Abroad, and fall absolutely in love with Granny Weatherwax and Nanny Ogg. (I fully intend to be Granny Weatherwax when I grow up, right down to the goat farm and the ability to terrify people just by saying "Good morning." Watch this space.)

Or you can start with Guards! Guards!, and be introduced to the men of the Night Watch. Just bear in mind that I'm first in line if Captain Vimes becomes available, so keep your inevitable crush on him to yourself.

I posted approximately 17,000 updates while I reread this book, all quotable quotes. That's not even all the bits I wanted to post, but Goodreads has a strict word-count limit on updates because Goodreads h̶a̶t̶e̶s̶ ̶m̶e̶ knows how I get.

You can get a perfectly good sense of whether or not you'll enjoy Guards! Guards! by perusing said updates. You will enjoy it if you already enjoy fantasy; you will very likely enjoy it even if you don't generally enjoy fantasy, because the humor, characterization, and dialogue are ridiculously good.

Have a good time. And remember – hands off Vimes. He's mine.
( )
1 vote Deborah_Markus | Aug 8, 2015 |
This is what I get for reading the stream of the Discworld out-of-sequence. I finally got to learn how Captain Vimes met Dame Sybil and how Carrot came to Ankh-Morpork and joined the Night Watch. I suspect this may also have been the first appearance of Lord Vetinari, the city's Patrician. ( )
  dickmanikowski | May 15, 2015 |
This was the third Discworld novel I read. First being Wyrd Sisters, second being The Colour of Magic. Don't ask, I like a bit of non-order. From the first pages mentioning the night watch I fell in love with vimes and his world, from a few more pages in, I fell in love with the watch. Thus starting my secret love affair with every watch novel that i came into contact with! What a great start for the gang. You get vimes, nobby nobbs, colon, carrot the last lost king, dragons, lots of dragons, fat, jolly, strong women and the patrician... So maybe i'm biased but did i mention Vimes? THIS BOOK WILL NOT DISAPPOINT!! Any fantasy lover will love these books, all of them, every last one. Not one creature goes unnoticed by Terry Pratchett. He writes like words were made for his use alone. If it was a crime to be as intelligently funny as this writer is/was, he would of been hung a long time a go, because as we all know time is a funny thing with loopholes. I now (after reading his full works) consider these the standards by which i judge all books. READ THEM ALL, ALL OF YOU, RIGHT AWAY............. THE END ( )
  darceypaige | Apr 25, 2015 |
I have a love/hate r'ship with the Discworld books.
I enjoy every encounter I have with Rincewind, the Luggage, and the Librarian.
Carrot is mildly interesting
Bits of concepts throughout the series are clever.
Pretty much the rest of the characters, and books, annoy and/or frustrate me. ( )
  Cheryl_in_CC_NV | Apr 14, 2015 |
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» Add other authors (25 possible)

Author nameRoleType of authorWork?Status
Pratchett, Terryprimary authorall editionsconfirmed
Andersen, DougCover artistsecondary authorsome editionsconfirmed
Kirby, JoshCover artistsecondary authorsome editionsconfirmed
Pieretti, AntonellaTranslatorsecondary authorsome editionsconfirmed
Sweet, Darrell K.Cover artistsecondary authorsome editionsconfirmed
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They may be called the Palace Guard, the City Guard, or the Patrol. Whatever the name, their purpose in any work of heroic fantasy is identical: it is, round about Chapter Three (or ten minutes into the film) to rush into the room, attack the hero one at a time, and be slaughtered. No-one ever asks them if they wanted to.

This book is dedicated to those fine men.
And also to Mike Harrison, Mary Gentle, Neil Gaiman and all the others who assisted with and laughed at the idea of L-space; too bad we never used Schrodinger's Paperback . . .
First words
This is where the dragons went.
"Have another drink, not-Corporal Nobby?" said Sergeant Colon unsteadily. "I do not mind if I do, not-Sgt Colon," said Nobby.

-- The joys of working undercover (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)

This audio book has been produced under the auspices of the Ulverscroft Foundation, a registered UK charity which helps visually impaired people.

For more information, or if you wish to make a donation or a legacy, please contact: Ulverscroft Foundation, The Green, Bradgate Road, Anstey, Leicestershire LE7 7FU Tel: 0116 236 1595 email: foundation@ulverscroft.co.uk Website: www.foundation.ulverscroft.com
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(Click to show. Warning: May contain spoilers.)
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Copies of this work with the ISBNs 0575063025, 0575070714 and 3442545331 may be Graphic Novel versions. Changing the Title of your copy to reflect this may facilitate correct combination with other Graphic Novel versions of the work.
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Book description
This is where the dragons went. They lie…not dead, not asleep, but…dormant. And although the space they occupy isn't like normal space, nevertheless they are packed in tightly. They could put you in mind of a can of sardines, if you thought sardines were huge and scaly. And presumably, somewhere, there's a key...
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Amazon.com Product Description (ISBN 0061020648, Mass Market Paperback)

Here there be dragons...and the denizens of Ankh-Morpork wish one huge firebreather would return from whence it came. Long believed extinct, a superb specimen of draco nobilis ("noble dragon" for those who don't understand italics) has appeared in Discworld's greatest city. Not only does this unwelcome visitor have a nasty habit of charbroiling everything in its path, in rather short order it is crowned King (it is a noble dragon, after all...).

(retrieved from Amazon Thu, 12 Mar 2015 18:07:14 -0400)

(see all 7 descriptions)

Here there be dragons . . . and the denizens of Ankh-Morpork wish one huge firebreather would return from whence it came. Long believed extinct, a superb specimen of draco nobilis ("noble dragon" for those who don't understand italics) has appeared in Discworld's greatest city. Not only does this unwelcome visitor have a nasty habit of charbroiling everything in its path, in rather short order it is crowned King (it is a noble dragon, after all . . .). Meanwhile, back at Unseen University, an ancient and long-forgotten volume -- The Summoning of Dragons -- is missing from the Library's shelves. To the rescue come Captain Vimes, Constable Carrot, and the rest of the Night Watch who, along with other brave citizens, risk everything, including a good roasting, to dethrone the flying monarch and restore order to Ankh-Morpork (before it's burned to a crisp). A rare tale, well done as only Terry Pratchett can.… (more)

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