Same Sex in the City: (So Your Prince Charming Is Really a Cinderella)

This book wasn't what I was expecting it to be. I saw it in a bookstore, and the title caught my eye. It was definitely an impulse purchase.

The only two things I have in common with most of the women in this book are that I am a woman attracted to women, and I am a Jewish-American lesbian. Other than that, there are no commonalities at all. I knew I was in trouble when they started rattling off designer brands (of shoes? clothes? I have no idea).

Basically, this book is all about upper class uber-femmes. It's obvious that the two authors have only a limited experience with lesbians; nearly all of the stories feature Jewish-American women who live in New York City. The one South American woman whose story is featured here admits that she grew up in an exceptionally wealthy neighborhood. Yeah, I can't relate to that at all.

I also disliked the not-so-subtle digs at those who identify as "butch." I don't like labels, and I don't fall handily on the femme-butch spectrum. I love football, ball caps, and flannel shirts (hey, they're warm and comfy!). But I also like doing my hair, wearing heels (although not $1000 pairs), and donning dresses. But, with the exception of my first girlfriend, I am attracted to butches, and I felt like my attraction to that subset was being denigrated.

This book doesn't offer much for advice, either. Each chapter has a page or two of "advice," which is shallow at best, and then is followed by groupings of stories that are supposed to illustrate...something. Let's put it this way: one of the longest chapters in the book is titled "Hooking Up With Straight Girls."

I think that says it all. ( )

I was pleased to find this book, but didn't examine the back cover closely. This is a femme manifesto, celebrating high heels and makeup, and all the trappings of what the authors consider a liberated life. I encourage them to live their "liberated" life where I don't have to read about it. ( )

A nice book, extremely well-intentioned, with a very slight daffy undercurrent. Many of the girls writing in the book are self-admitted JAPs/WASPs with a lot of disposable money and a penchant for shopping, alcohol, and gettin' pretty. The absurd side of the book is when they start talking about the family cruise they came out on, the heart-to-heart they had with a parent on an exotic beach, or how they "popped a Valium to calm down before approaching a hottie."

All this noted, there's a real strength to the idea of a book written by gay women who do not outwardly appear to be gay women - something I definitely relate to, despite not being of the ultra-femme, Jimmy Choos-wearing set. I enjoyed reading the personal recollections of girls who had to work that bit harder to be respected by the friends and family who thought they were going through a phase and the gay culture that thought they were experimenting. Not every story is dripping in wisdom, but there's a lot of honesty here - even with the occasional shallow aside about perfume and cute little skirts.

Definitely a book to enjoy if not outright treasure, and a nice one to lend to friends who are just coming out but may not be interested in leaping headfirst into the cropped cut and plaid flannel stereotype. ( )

"So you're a femme lesbian! here's some advice! and experiences!"