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Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage:…
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Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage: America's Love Lab Experts Share…

by John M. Gottman, Joan Declaire (Author), Julie Schwartz Gottman (Author)

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More helpful exercises that can make a Great Dates topic or marriage prep activity ( )
  carka | Jul 25, 2010 |
Good book on communication, but uneven even there. Some notes:
Ask explatory questions, develop curiousity about other people's experiences and learn to listen. "Can you tell me more about this? Explain what you mean."
Present challenges and differences without criticizing.
Express and accept appreciation.
Recognize when you're stressed and take steps to relax.
Say what you're feeling and what you want and need, even if it's difficult.
Listen and respond to another's feelings and wants and needs before reassuring and before trying to solve the problem.
Respond to criticism with the honest question: "What do you want?"
Hear the longing in a complaint.
On messing up: "I feel terrible about this. What can I do to make it up to you? I would also like your understanding and support."
Respond to non-responsiveness: I really want you to understand my feelings here. ( )
  Hanuman2 | Jul 19, 2008 |
Lots of practical suggestions for improving marriage and communication. I liked reading the actual conversations and comparing them to conversations I have with my spouse. Great questions to discuss, useful advice - great handbook. ( )
  tjsjohanna | Oct 27, 2007 |
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Author nameRoleType of authorWork?Status
John M. Gottmanprimary authorall editionsconfirmed
Declaire, JoanAuthormain authorall editionsconfirmed
Gottman, Julie SchwartzAuthormain authorall editionsconfirmed
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Amazon.com Product Description (ISBN 0739332376, Audio CD)

In 1994, Dr. John Gottman and his colleagues at the University of Washingto— made a startling announcement: Through scientific observation and mathematical analysis, they could predict—with more than 90 percent accuracy—whether a marriage would succeed or fail. The only thing they did not yet know was how to turn a failing marriage into a successful one, so Gottman teamed up with his clinical psychologist wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, to develop intervention methods. Now the Gottmans, together with the Love Lab research facility, have put these ideas into practice. In Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, the Gottmans share this vital information so that couples can develop the skills to turn their relationship problems around and create strong, lasting unions.

What emerged from the Gottmans’ collaboration and decades of research is a body of advice that’s based on two surprisingly simple truths: Happily married couples behave like good friends, and they handle their conflicts in gentle, positive ways. The authors offer an intimate look at ten couples who have learned to work through potentially destructive problems—extramarital affairs, workaholism, parenthood adjustments, serious illnesses, lack of intimacy—and examine what they’ve done to improve communication and get their marriages back on track.

Giving an insider’s view of the Love Lab, the Gottmans take the reader step-by-step through the couples’ conversations, before and after they are counseled. The authors also provide an analysis of the couples’ interactions, identifying their core problems and offering suggestions for resolving them. By “listening” to the discussions in this way, you will learn to detect the most common stumbling blocks of a relationship and—most important—how to avoid them.

Hundreds of thousands have seen their relationships improve thanks to the Gottmans’ work. Whether you want to make a strong relationship more fulfilling or rescue one that’s headed for disaster, Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage is essential reading.


From inside the famed Gottman Institute, aka the “Love Lab”: ten scientifically proven, practical ways to strengthen your marriage

“We don’t feel close anymore.”

“You never talk to me.”

“We only have time for the kids.”

“All you do is work.”

“You don’t care about my dreams.”

Do you recognize yourself, or your spouse, in any of these statements? If so, Dr. John Gottman and his wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, say you shouldn’t be surprised. In fact, their decades of scientific research have shown that most couples face these and other serious problems—but what the Gottmans have proven is that such difficulties don’t have to lead to a broken relationship, or even divorce.

In Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, the Gottmans provide vital tools—scientifically based and empirically verified—that you can use to regain affection and romance lost through years of ineffective communication. You’ll strengthen your relationship and make it the most fulfilling it can be.


From the Hardcover edition.

(retrieved from Amazon Mon, 30 Sep 2013 13:36:22 -0400)

In 1994, Dr. Gottman and his colleagues at the University of Washington announced that, through scientific observation and mathematical analysis, they could predict--with more than 90 percent accuracy--whether a marriage would succeed or fail. But they did not yet know how to turn a failing marriage into a successful one, so Gottman teamed up with his clinical psychologist wife to develop intervention methods. Here they share this information so that couples can develop the skills to create strong, lasting unions. What emerged from decades of research is a body of advice based on two simple truths: Happily married couples behave like good friends, and they handle their conflicts in gentle, positive ways. The authors offer an intimate look at ten couples who have learned to work through potentially destructive problems, and examine what they've done to get their marriages back on track.--From publisher description.… (more)

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