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My Favorite Fangs: The Story of the Von…

My Favorite Fangs: The Story of the Von Trapp Family Vampires (edition 2012)

by Alan Goldsher (Author)

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233459,532 (3.33)1
Title:My Favorite Fangs: The Story of the Von Trapp Family Vampires
Authors:Alan Goldsher (Author)
Info:St. Martin's Griffin (2012), 304 pages
Collections:Your library

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My Favorite Fangs: The Story of the Von Trapp Family Vampires by Alan Goldsher



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This book was VERY amusing to me. While some may not appreciate the humor of it, I found it highly entertaining. I will say that having seen the Sound of Music and several of the other musicals and cultural references throughout the book helped to add to the appeal. It's hard to get into a humorous book if you don't "get" the references. This author kept me smiling, giggling, even out right laughing throughout the novel. Good work. ( )
  MynTop | Apr 8, 2016 |
Original post here: http://offbeatvagabond.blogspot.com/2012/10/something-wicked-comes-blog-hop-book...

My Favorite Fangs is The Sound Of Music with vampires, zombies, John Coltrane's ghost and Nazis. Yup, that should tell you all plenty. This is a crazy and fun read. Given that The Sound of Music is a childhood favorite, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to read this.

Maria is a very interesting lead. She is a vampire and she loves that she is a vampire. She wears tight black catsuits and kills anything in sight. But she is quite the bad seed. She lives in the Abbey of the Dead. It is fill of zombies and one zombie in particular Mother Zombie (aka Mother Superior. Love it!). So Mother Superior kicks Maria out and tells Maria to become a governess for the Von Trapps. Maria, of course, is not happy about looking after children that may actually burn her alive, but Maria has other plans up her sleeve for the Von Trapp children.

Maria is a very quirky character as I have mentioned. But she is nothing compared to the Von Trapp children. They are spoiled as hell and quite frankly, homicidal. Maria doesn't take this lying down. So in order to control them, she turns them all into vampires. And surprisingly, things start to look up. We then meet Captain Georg von Trapp and his lover, Lady Baroness. The Captain is either too stupid or drunk (most likely both) to notice that something is off with the Baroness. But Maria knows and they both have a feud. The Baroness and Maria were a lot alike. More than I think they would admit. I loved the rivalry that took place between them. They are both witty characters and are very shameless, especially Maria. She has no filter whatsoever.

Goldsher definitely knows his musicals and he did wonderful job showcasing that. The characters personalities aren't quite like how they are in the movie. Well not at all actually, this is not safe for children or people with a full stomach. It is gross. For example, when we first meet the Captain. Oh boy, I won't be eating oatmeal for a while. Maria is also quite the wild one. Like I said, she has no filter. She has absolutely no respect for life period. She kills at will and is so joyous about it. Definitely not the way I would imagine Julie Andrews, that is for sure.

Now as much fun as I had with this, there were quite a bit of problems. But what is more interesting about that is that Goldsher actually points out the problems in the book. It reads like a story that is actually talking to you. It is very interesting. But some problems I had is that I didn't necessarily connect with the characters. I would never want to know any of them. They are too much. Another problem I had was the actual romance between Maria and Georg. I don't know, it seemed to have come out of nowhere because there was no chemistry between them. Hell, Georg can't even remember her name. I believe he only got it right once. He is drunk 99% of the time we see him in this book, so that could be the reason for his lack of a personality (and memory). Another issue is that the plot can get a bit confusing which Goldsher points out in the book. It seems to bounce to one thing to the other. We have Maria turning the kids, the money-hungry talent agent that wants to get rich off the kids, the rivalry between Maria and the Baroness fighting over the Captain, Nazis wanting the Captain to join their ranks and more. Like I said, this books is crazy.

I love the amount of pop culture Goldsher throws in this book. We have the maid in the house that is “mistakenly” called Alice and the butler “mistakenly” called Albert. I love how Goldsher mixes up the decades in this book. For instance, the book is set during World War II, but John Coltrane's ghost makes an appearance. But Coltrane was still alive at that time. But this was a favorite scene for me. I loved when Maria nicknamed him “Chocolate Thunder”. I couldn't stop laughing. There was also a mention of an iPhone when the Baroness wanted to give the Captain's kids away to a Nazi general. I love where the story goes when it came to that general. Boy, what a bloodbath those kids can make.

Overall, this was a fun parody. It is campy, crazy, shameless, nasty, and gory as hell. A perfect choice for Halloween. Some parts of the book may make you a little uncomfortable, like I said, not for kids although teenage boys would have a blast with this. It is definitely the kind of read you just have to accept it for what it is. This is meant to be a fun and quirky read for us horror fans that love a laugh while still getting blood. I liked this book and I hope you do too. ( )
  harleyquinn0887 | Oct 17, 2012 |
Review courtesy of Dark Faerie Tales

Quick & Dirty: A quirky twist on The Sound of Music, but wished it was a little more tame.

Opening Sentence: Housed on what the majority of Austrians agreed was the most rancid corner in Salzburg, the nameless Abbey was an eyesore, so painful to look at that nobody looked at it.

The Review:

My Favorite Fangs is a quirky twist of The Sound of Music, by Alan Goldsher. I was really curious about the story behind the cover, only because The Sound of Music is a childhood staple of mine. The concept of vampire Von Trapps? Count me in!

Maria has lived a long life in Austria, living in the Abbey of the Dead, with her fellow sisters. Unfortunately, Mother Zombie (Superior) has had enough of Maria’s crazy quirks and antics and has wanted to banish her from the abbey. Well, I wouldn’t just call them crazy quirks, she is oversexed and clearly does not behave as the other immortals. Mother Zombie has sent out Maria to become a governess. To match Maria’s personality, she will govern the Von Trapp family, who have their own interesting set of personalities.

The Von Trapps are wealthy, spoiled, and unruly, and I think those were their best qualities. Things get out of hand and Maria turns one of the Von Trapp children into a vampire, and the fun begins. Lady Barroness makes an appearance, and has quickly become enemies with Maria. Goldsher added a lot of his own individuality into My Favorite Fangs, and this version is definitely for the more adult crowd.

Maria the vampire version is a little different from the pop culture Maria that I grew up with. Unfortunately, I was constantly comparing the two. This Maria was blunt and without shame, overly sexed and nothing like a saint. She was witty and someone you do not want to get on their bad side. Her arguments, well that’s a tame word for it, with Lady Baroness was hilarious.

I wasn’t connected to a lot of the characters and I felt that I should have been. I didn’t connect to the Baron, first of all. He wasn’t charming or even someone that I would pretend to like. I didn’t understand the attraction that Maria and the Lady Baroness had for him. The children were amusing, but I didn’t care for them as much as I should have. Which is too bad. I felt that they were too spoiled, but I think that was the point.

Goldsher definitely put his own spin into this ever so popular culture story. He creates this world that is so different from its former self, yet he makes sure to include the familiar and important pieces. Unfortunately, while some scenes were amazing and exciting, I felt that others were not and fell short. There were scenes that I found myself skimming through. I wasn’t connected to a lot of the characters and I felt that I should have been.

Goldsher spared no expense when it came to the dialogue. I felt that Maria and the characters had a more adult vocabulary, and while at times I felt that it was a little too much, other times it was perfect and entertaining. There are so many jokes within the story, many referencing its story counterpart.

Notable Scene:

After the Captain was out of earshot, Maria – aware she had to gain control of these brats right away – snarled, “Alright, children, there’s a new sheriff in town, and her name is Maria.”

Louisa asked, “What’s a sheriff, Governess?”

“Crack a dictionary, blondie. Now here is the deal: My word is law. When I saw frog, you jump. If I tell you to eat mud, you’ll ask for seconds. Is that clear?”

The brats belted with a barrage of schiesses and ficks.

FTC Advisory: St. Martin’s Griffin/Macmillan provided me with a copy of My Favorite Fangs. No goody bags, sponsorships, “material connections,” or bribes were exchanged for my review. ( )
  DarkFaerieTales | Sep 6, 2012 |
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Amazon.com Product Description (ISBN 031264020X, Paperback)


Maria von Trapp is sweet, innocent, and can sing like an a ngel. Oh, and she's also a bloodthirsty vampire.

When Maria is kicked out of the zombie-infested Abbey where she's been residing for the past 612 years, she's forced to take care of the family von Trapp, a rowdy clan in need of some serious discipline...or vampirification. After Maria turns the von Trapp children into children of the night and marries the von Trapp patriarch, the family seems destined for eternal (really, really eternal) bliss. But the Nazi Undeath Squads are on the march, intent on ridding Europe of bloodsuckers. And Maria will have to do everything in her power -- supernatural or otherwise -- to save her vampire brood.

(retrieved from Amazon Thu, 12 Mar 2015 18:23:15 -0400)

Vampire singer Maria von Trapp, after being kicked out of the Abbey where she has resided for centuries, becomes a member of a rowdy family that she transforms and protects from Hitler's nefarious Undeath Squads.

(summary from another edition)

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