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Why Can't I Change? How to Conquer Your…

Why Can't I Change? How to Conquer Your Self-Destructive Patterns (original 2012; edition 2012)

by Shirley Impellizzeri

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1913537,190 (3.77)2
Title:Why Can't I Change? How to Conquer Your Self-Destructive Patterns
Authors:Shirley Impellizzeri
Info:Sunrise River Press (2012), Paperback, 240 pages
Collections:Your library, Nonfiction, Read but unowned
Tags:Self-Help; given away

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Why Can't I Change? How to Conquer Your Self-Destructive Patterns by Shirley Impellizzeri (2012)



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This review was written for LibraryThing Early Reviewers.
In the 1980s, when I was in college and trying to understand myself, I was introduced to a book that changed my life--The Drama of the Gifted Child, by Alice Miller. Reading Why Can't I Change?, byShirley Impellizzeri, left me with a wistful sense of nostalgia. If you are not familiar with attachment theory (and even if you are), this book may be very enlightening. For someone who has done a lot of reading in the field of personal growth/psychology/self help, the information won't be new, but I like the way she presents it, it's accessible and engaging, and the exercises are thoughtful provoking and doable.
  mochap | Jun 18, 2013 |
This review was written for LibraryThing Early Reviewers.
I felt the book to concentrate on two main points - what kind of a parent you are and how to improve your relationship with your significant other. Although there are complete books on both these, this one gives a new perspective on the topics, especially the one for parenting. The exercises that the author gives were pretty interesting. I really liked the "validate your child's concern/fear" point. I am going to remember that for years to come.

The chapter on the functioning of the brain was a good primer, again there are people who spend decades of their lives to understand how the brain does, what it does. I'm now sure to keep track of my sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems in order to better my understanding of myself.

The author talks about defense mechanisms that our body uses for various purposes. I could relate to most of them (as to when I do such things myself). The discussion about 'listen to your body' were thought-provoking. Point noted miss Impellizzeri.

All in all an enjoyable book to read. ( )
  nmarun | Apr 7, 2013 |
This review was written for LibraryThing Early Reviewers.
With the myriad of self-help books in circulation, it rests on every author to find some way to stand apart from the crowd. Most self-help books have the same components: anecdotes, explanations, assessments and inventories, and suggestions. In that sense, this book is no different. What this book contributes is an explanation of relationship problems based on an underutilized theory in pop psychology literature -- attachment theory. It also integrates and updates this theory by a discussion of the latest in neuropsychology and brain research.

That said, the sheer amount of information in this book means it's not a quick read. The exercises ("take aways") at the end of each chapter do connect the theory and research to personal behavior and relationship issues. Likewise, the exercises do help the reader answer the question posed in the title, assuming that (as Oprah Winfrey said often), "When you know better, you do better." Unfortunately, insight often isn't sufficient for change, and the few behavior changes that are suggested, such as communication skills and self-soothing, have been detailed extensively in other self-help books. Insight may not be enough for those readers who are currently experiencing intense relationship problems or who have survived trauma/abuse or those who have been diagnosed with a severe mental illness. But for the average self-help book reader, the insight and information provided may be enough. ( )
1 vote marshavaughn | Jan 25, 2013 |
This review was written for LibraryThing Early Reviewers.
This book provided a lot of insights, and yes, I did recognize myself in many of the author's examples. I'm less sure that the strategies for overcoming one's learned reactions are helpful; sixty-plus years of avoidance and shutting down emotions won't easily be overcome. Nonetheless, I would recommend this book to anyone struggling to understand why they have such difficulty forming healthy relationships. ( )
  Cariola | Dec 23, 2012 |
This review was written for LibraryThing Early Reviewers.
This is a very carefully written book with helpful exercises at the end of each chapter. The author explains current behaviors by using attachment theory. The path forward seem to be a combination of Emotional Intelligence and Mindfulness.

This book would be very interesting to anyone trying to understand their current behaviors in terms of attachment theory. ( )
  varroa | Oct 28, 2012 |
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To my sweet little Sydney
Thank you for choosing me as your mom in this lifetime
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Why can't I change? This is one of the most fundamental questions people ask themselves at some point in their lives, and it can also be one of the hardest to answer.
Why do people make the same mistakes over and over again?
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A leading psychologist explains how you get stuck in ruts, gives you scientific proof that you can change, and shows you how to make that change. She applies the latest research on brain science to explain how your earliest attachments help shape your brain and greatly influence the beliefs, patterns, and behaviors that can cause you to "sleepwalk" through life as an adult.… (more)

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