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I Suck at Girls by Justin Halpern
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I Suck at Girls (2012)

by Justin Halpern

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When Mr. Halpern decides to propose to his current girlfriend he asks the opinion of his dad. The old man says “Just take a day to think about it”:

“I took a day and I sat and thought about all the things I had learned about myself, and about women, up to that point in my life. Just sat and thought. I may have smoked marijuana as well. Anyway, at the end of the day, I took stock of everything I’d gone through in my head, and I asked myself if I still wanted to propose to your mother. And I did. So that’s what I humbly suggest you do, unless you think you’re somehow smarter than I am, which considering you share my genetics, is unlikely”

And so he does. He takes a day and think about the wonder years and tells us all about it in a witty and funny way.

Complete review at http://littlesbooks.com/suck-girls-justin-halpern/ ( )
  johasz | Jun 21, 2014 |
I received this book as a birthday gift from a friend that has the same sense of humor as I do. She nailed it. This read was funny, witty, made liberal use of cuss words and was also heart-warming and insightful. Basically, an all around great humor book. I've heard some jokes or parts thereof from this writer before, but never read this much at one time. Reminds me of David Sedaris. ( )
  Bricker | May 21, 2014 |
Well written, funny, fun but short book. I would easily recommend this to others. I don't know how much of it is real, but I hope a lot.

I loved his stories, and gives an anxiety based person like me a lot of hope for the future. ( )
  halkeye | Feb 4, 2014 |
Justin Halpern has had one of those meteoric rises to fame akin only to the legendary Phoenix's rise from the ashes. After breaking up with his girlfriend he moved back into his parents and from there started the Twitter account 'Shit My Dad Says' which became an overnight sensation and lead to a book deal and a TV show...all because his dad (like mine seemingly) is a belligerent who says the most random shite you ever heard.

I hadn't realised he had written the first book (titled on the Twitter account) but after reading this one I will definitely hunt it down soon - unfortunately Waimakariri's District Council's Libraries haven't got it, so if anyone has a copy I can borrow?

This tale follows Justin's life sometime after the makeup of before-mentioned ex-girlfriend when Justin tells his dad he is going to marry her...and doesn't quite get the rapturous reception that such an announcement would, or should bring. Simply, his dad told him to 'relive those moments through life in which girls were involved and then if you still feel the same, then go for it...'

Or something like that.

So as Justin takes us on a journey through his female interactions from aged 8 through his mid-20s, the lanes flip with alarming regularity and raucous laughter as this absolute dunce with the ladies struggles through impressing a girl (with drawings of dogs defecating on her head), to robbing homeless men of their porn, to gropes in the car, to attempting to lose his virginity, and all that normal American stuff in between; college, sports, working in burger joints and the such.

While his failure in love is central to the plot, the undoubted star of the show is his dad who steps into frame like jumper leads attached to the testicles, only harsher. How Justin never ended up a babbling psychotic with murderous tendencies is anyone's guess, but one cannot help but love the bloke, and at times I understood that being like him and me is not such a bad thing after all...we might die lonely, but people will always understand why.

A top notch read for guys and gals alike, beware the cantankerous bastard behind you! ( )
  scuzzy | Jul 22, 2013 |
This follow-up to Sh*t My Dad Says lacks the end-of-chapter lists of quotes, but never fear—Dad is ever-present, dispensing his trademark brusque advice and wearing his “action sweatpants,” the ones with the racing stripes. On the verge of proposing marriage to his girlfriend (the same one who had dumped him at the beginning of the last book), Justin reflects on his history, such as it is, with girls and sex. His misadventures included stealing porn from hobos, meeting a guy called “Vietnam Sam” on his way to Ibitza, and dating a Hooters waitress with a cancer-stricken pet rabbit whose painkillers she steals. Dad has something to say about all of it, of course. Hilarious. ( )
  jholcomb | Feb 9, 2013 |
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Amazon.com Amazon.com Review (ISBN 0062113372, Hardcover)

Amazon Best Books of the Month, May 2012: Sh*t My Dad Says was a runaway bestseller and in his sophomore effort, I Suck at Girls, Justin Halpern proves he’s not just a one hit wonder. Halpern’s sarcastic, utterly lovable dad once again shares his pearls of wisdom--including the best advice I’ve seen on the subject of getting married--but it’s Justin himself who takes center stage this time. Relationships provide great comedic material and Halpern makes the most of his experiences coming of age amidst the opposite sex. From his first crush (yes, he made her cry) to searching for his wild side on a booze-fueled trip to Ibiza, to meeting the girl of his dreams and asking her to stand guard at the bathroom door (no drugs, just a bad BK chicken griller)--Halpern puts it all out there and, as his dad might say, I laughed my ass off. --Seira Wilson

Childhood Photos of Justin Halpern, author of I Suck at Girls


My mom pulled me out of line to take this, by saying "Justy, you're so cute, lemme see your little face."
My little league all-stars jersey. That is the pose of a confident young man.
Senior year of high school. Finally put on some weight. Just starting to get a receding hairline. Well played, God.



(retrieved from Amazon Mon, 30 Sep 2013 13:39:35 -0400)

(see all 3 descriptions)

Presents a humorous collection of stories about the author's relationships with the opposite sex told chronologically, from his first kiss to getting engaged.

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