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TUNNEL / The Lost Diary by Steven Nedelton
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TUNNEL / The Lost Diary

by Steven Nedelton

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DISCLAIMER: The following was written with tongue planted firmly in cheek after reading every third word of the reviewed book, which is as much to say that more attention was given to it than the book's author, Steven Nedelton, ever gave to those unfortunate Goodreaders he has spammed with friend requests in order to promote his work, barreling through challenge questions and ignoring the liklihood of his victims even enjoying his chosen genre. Beyond these particular shortcomings, for an artist desperate to promote his work, he is exceptionally rude. Although he has removed some of his original comments, presumably to cast himself in a more favorable light, you can see his reaction to another beleaguered Goodreader, who was merely expressing his frustration with Mr. Nedelton's callousness, here.

Perhaps you, too, have been solicited by Mr. Nedelton or his ilk. Fear not, you are not alone. My point with this exercise is not to discourage independent writers, but rather to encourage them to be more discerning. They stand to garner more fans and goodwill if they would simply be vaguely cognizant of the types of readers likely to enjoy their work, instead of carelessly blanketing the Goodreads community willy nilly with thoughtless advertisements masquerading as friend requests and then becoming belligerent in the face of the resulting blowback.


***

I used to be one of those people that never understood other people that would slow down to look at auto accidents. "Are your lives so pathetic that you can only invest them with meaning by witnessing the suffering of others?" I would think to myself like the morally indignant protagonist of my very own novel that I am.

Oh, how little I understood back then.

You see, this novel book freak show, TUNNEL: The Last Ovary won't let you look away from it. Believe me, I tried, but I was hypnotized into a slackjawed stupor by the abject horror. Now, I know that I'm not an "accredited author" like the tome's architect, snedelton, but I've been around the block a few times and if this is the form civilization's fiction is to take, well...let's just say that I want out.

And you should too.

Lacking even the most basic of narrative structures, the first third of this thing is just some sort of laundry list of people that some, unbeknownst to the reader, third party fantasizes about ass raping. Is this third party the author? An amorphous creature from another planet without any discernable penis that has been intercepting Earth's radio and television-signaled detritus for the last decade as it bounces around outer space, devoid of any larger context? Half of a shampoo commercial here, the whole of a Christian Death track there? Your neighbor? We don't know. All we know is that from pop cultural figures like Megatron as we have come to know him through the Michael Bay Transformers franchise to religious icons like Jesus of Nazareth, some twisted fuck out there has a detailed scenario by which each is devastatingly ass raped.

The next third of the book is written from the perspective of a squirrel. A squirrel that doesn't understand the significance of the school girl dress and pigtails that have been hot glued to it, nor why it is trapped in a blender, nor why there is a fat, hairy, naked shut-in of a biped masturbating to it as it suffers these incomprehensible indignities. But we do. Does the blender ever get turned on? I won't say, all I know is that the sick fuck that wrote this did.

The last third details the layout of the children's sections of Barnes and Noble stores from every state in America. Floor plans are laid out with a hobbyist's enthusiasm, with advice on where to best hide things like chloroform and used cum rags. There's also an afterword that's like some pedophile's miniature version of the Anarchist Cookbook where you can learn things like gasoline dissolves fingerprints and most children prefer watermelon flavored hard candy over the cherry flavored.

In all, this is some sick shit. It's like a reverse enema into your brain. Please, please, PLEASE don't read it. Once you start, you can't put it down. But not in a good way. You might think that you're too smart for it, that it won't fuck you in your brain like it did me. But it will. Because I speak three languages and graduated at the top of my classes and it fucked my brain. ( )
  KidSisyphus | Apr 5, 2013 |
Tunnel - Lost Diary Tunnel – Review by Martha A. Cheves, Author of Stir, Laugh, Repeat and Think With Your Taste Buds – Desserts

“He stopped walking for a moment, beginning to wonder what the officer had brought in and where he had hidden it. Whatever it was, it was not so small that he could have missed it on his way in. He recalled that the wagon the three men were pushing was on the incoming rail, on the right hand side of the tunnel. He also figured the wagon could not have been driven any further than the next stationary wagon he could barely see in the distance. That meant the officer might have hidden his treasure somewhere near it, the contents being too heavy to carry by hand. He began running toward the next wagon…he was getting close to it when he noticed a grey iron door on right wall. He stopped running and walked over. It was fairly rusted, flush with the wall, and shaped like the opening of a dog house, three to four feet height and equally wide. There was a handle on the door and he tried to turn it, but it wouldn’t budge, going neither up nor down. He looked around the floor and found a half of a brick next to the wall…
“What are we doing here, boy? Hunting for State property?” a man’s voice boomed from behind him.

Ben Kalninsh was just a kid when he watched the Soviet soldiers hide their stash in the tunnel that had not been used for several years. He just knew it had to be guns and he sure wanted one for himself. What he didn’t expect was to be caught by one of the soldiers who had decided to steal the stash for himself and go AWOL. And with the help of Ben’s father, he had a plan that would keep him safe while getting himself and his stash of gold out of the country and into America.

Ben had virtually forgotten about his encounter in the tunnel as well as the man he knew as Andris. Everyone seemed to have forgotten Andris, or so it appeared. But he was brought to light when Ben’s father and their friend and neighbor were both brutally murdered for what seemed like no apparent reason. It seems that there was more than gold hidden in the tunnel that day and the Soviets wanted that extra little find which turned out to be a diary. It also appeared they wouldn’t stop searching and killing until they had their hands on it. Why was that diary more important than gold?

The Lost Diary Tunnel takes you into the world of espionage, betrayal, lies and a lot of agents working both sides of the fence. What these people will do just to keep the Americans from knowing what’s really in the diary will scare the hell out of you. At least it did me.

Review Stir, Laugh, Repeat at Amazon.com Stir, Laugh, Repeat ( )
  marthacheves | Jan 6, 2012 |
Interesting story but, frequent geographical and temporal switches between the last year of WWII in Latvia and modern days USA without any lead-in made for slow and confusing reading. Further, the book was full of typographical errors, (i.e. words run together, wrong small word used, etc.) which also reduced reading speed and understanding. Sections were added that I never understood the significances of. For instance, Ben's early Pugilistic successes. Why was so much detail given to this aspect of Ben's life and how did it add to the story? Certainly, the immigrant story and the necessity of hiding the shared source of their wealth, contributed to the social value of the story. The contrasts between two separate families adaption in their new environment was also instructional. I was most disappointed in the ending. Who shot or struck FBI agent John Holt in the head? Was he killed? Why was the Blue Diary never decoded? What was in the diary that demanded the death of so many players? Is the high placement of a traitor in the FBI administration willing to disrupt the Blue Diary investigation believable? I felt the ending left too many questions for the reader to answer and would have preferred for the loose ends to be tied up neatly with an author supplied conclusion. Definitely not one of those books where a reader may anticipate where the story is going. You would be unlikely to fully understand where the story travel even after reading it. ( )
  JosephLYoung | Jul 13, 2011 |
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