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Etiquette for the End of the World by Jeanne…
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Etiquette for the End of the World (edition 2012)

by Jeanne Martinet

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214723,956 (3.25)None
Member:BookConfessions
Title:Etiquette for the End of the World
Authors:Jeanne Martinet
Info:Jeanne Martinet (2012), Paperback, 278 pages
Collections:Your library
Rating:***
Tags:Etiquette for the End of the World, Jeanne Martinet, Women's Fiction, Romantic Comedy, Romance, Contemporary

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Etiquette for the End of the World by Jeanne Martinet

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With a Mayan prophecy predicting the demise of the world, SOMEONE needs to write an end times book of etiquette so there isn’t panic and bad behavior when civilization collapses, and Tess is determined that the someone will be her. Not that she actually believes the doomsday prophecy, but her wealthy potential employer is almost looking forward its fulfillment, and since Tess’s own life is already pretty much of a disaster she needs the job. Plus she’ll be conferring with a movie star handsome co-worker so it’s all good. Good, that is, until the end-of-life-as-Tess-knows-it prediction starts seeming all too plausible. Heartwarming hilarity ensues. This entertaining romantic thriller is packed with quirky characters and fun galore.

I bought this as an inexpensive Kindle book, and then was able to purchase an even less expensive Audible version which kept me smiling during my commute. ( )
  Jaylia3 | Dec 4, 2014 |
Read This Review & More Like It At Ageless Pages Reviews

Original Review: What the fuck did I just read?

After a couple of days:

Dear Tess Knows Best Eliot,

I’m going through a really difficult time right now. I have to write a review of Etiquette for the End of the World, but even though it was really boring, offensive, and schizophrenic, I can’t come up with anything to say! How do you even start reviewing a book that calls itself a romantic comedy, but is more All About Steve than Annie Hall? The romantic “twist” is so badly telegraphed it hardly counts, and is offensive as hell to boot! Plus, halfway through, the author completely forgot she was writing a romantic comedy and turned it into a conspiracy thriller/supernatural/travel fiction! No, I don’t know how it’s all supposed to work, either. As a famous columnist, and one time chapter header writer on an etiquette guide, can you get me out of this?

Sincerely,
Bored of Everlasting Stupid Tropes, Reading Even Very Irritatingly Exasperating Works for Enthusiastic Review, Even Veritably Enraging Romances

Dear BEST REVIEWER EVER,

When my boyfriend Matt dumped me for my feng-shui expert neighbor, I didn’t sit at home and moan. I went to the bar and ordered laundry-themed drinks from my hot, gay BFF. And when I lost my job writing this column, (sorry this won’t get published in some big-shot NYC newspaper, by the way,) I didn’t wallow in self pity. I went to the bar and ordered laundry-themed drinks from my hot, gay BFF! BEST REVIEWER EVER, what I’m saying is you need to get out of your slump. Fly to Mexico or London or the beach, even if you’re flat broke like yours truly. The change of scenery, and all the gin, will do you good.

If that still doesn’t help BEST REVIEWER EVER, we’re going to have to get drastic. First, steal mail from your 84 year old ex-boss. Then go visit some end of the world loonies and take a massively profitable writing job, even if it will embroil you in an international cult trying to bring about the apocalypse. There, BEST REVIEWER EVER, you’ll meet a smoking hot, mysterious Hollywood exec. who will sweep you off your feet in a whirlwind romance unlike any you have ever know. It’s only a shame he’s also a pathological liar who will tell you his ex-girlfriend stabbed all of his suits, when it was really the cult members, keeping you from getting out while you still can. When he stands you up on New Years, causing you to panic and reveal the detective work you’ve been doing on the side to one of the sketchiest cult members of all, don’t drown your sorrows at the bar…oh no wait, yes do that.

BEST REVIEWER EVER, now’s the part where it gets really tricky. Remember that detective work I mentioned? Well you are going to research a new idea for the end of the world. It will lead you to a librarian who will tell you she found secret plans for a nanobot that could bring down all technology as we know it. Being afraid of these plans falling into wrong hands, she won’t destroy them. She will hide them in an obscure book about beetles. The psycho you’re working for will be obsessed with beetles. His lackey, the one cutting up suits and the one you’re going to have to reveal all these plans to, will steal the book for his boss, inadvertently stealing the apocalypse plans too. I know this is a lot to take in, so pause for a stiff drink.

You may need to take time out for a side plot about your brother stealing your inheritance, I know mine did. This will probably result in baby rabies and a psychic salad-dressing obsessed aunt. You will also start having prophetic dreams about Mexico and earthquakes, just like one of the nutters at the cult. This is totally normal and not mass hysteria, but a tiny bit of the supernatural. Just to spice life up.

Anyway BEST REVIEWER EVER, don’t bother going to the police, because they think you’re nuts. Gather up Gay BFF and fly to London to meet with the cult leader in person. He’ll turn out to be even more mad scientist-y than feared, but you’ll be able to talk your way out of him killing you. You may even get gifts! Make sure to steal a vial of his nanobot solution, because you’re going to need that to prove you haven’t had too many Spin Cycles. On the way home, you’ll meet that same librarian, who’s now a stewardess, and she’ll be able to smuggle the vial through customs for you. This will leave you free to confess to Gay BFF that you’re in love with him. He’ll confess that he’s not really gay; his “boyfriend” is actually his son! (This is a very advanced maneuver, BEST REVIEWER EVER, don’t try this unless you’re sure you’re in a terrible book.) You may now advance to your HEA.

In the end, the Hollywood Exec. will show back up for you to realize he was just a rebound. The government will totally let you go incite hysteria while they quietly deal with the wacko cult leader, whose serum didn’t even work anyway. You’ll settle down to being the stepmother of not-Gay BFF’s kid, while you both make hilarious gay jokes about how could you ever think he was a queen, giiiiirlfriend? And then you’ll get a book deal out of the whole thing! If that’s not enough to break through writer’s block, BEST REVIEWER EVER, I don’t know what is. Maybe you’ll have to write a parody of something.

Now dear, I’m off to Mexico to play poker with some colorful stereotypes. There’s nothing like spending those book advances on expensive, spur-of-the-moment plane tickets!


Tess "Etiquette for the End of the World" Eliot
Totally Awesome Relatable Character.
Super Not Racist/Homophobic. Pinkie Swear. ( )
  golden_lily | Mar 29, 2013 |
This book is a case of cover love for me. That is, I loved the cover so much that it enticed me to read this book (the book summary didn't hurt either). Look at it! If the end of the world is happening why not put on a fancy dress and pearls? I totally would do that!
Tess Elliot has had a run of bad luck -- from losing her job to losing her boyfriend. Because she doesn't have anything left to lose, including money, she takes on a job writing a 'survival manual' for the end of the world from a doomsday cult of sorts. Tess is skeptical about the group, but her skepticism turns into paranoia when she uncovers a plot for the destruction of life as we know it.
If Tess's book Etiquette for the End of the World were actually a book, I would read it. Throughout this book are excerpts from the 'guide', and it was hilarious! I had some laugh out loud moments throughout this book. Martinet does a great job with mixing humor and mystery in Etiquette For The End Of The World. I especially liked the main character, Tess Eliot. At the beginning of the book she doubts herself and her abilities. Her character changes throughout the book due to the events that surround her. She grows more confident, and self assured. While this book definitely had some great moments, I wasn't overly wowed by the plot. It was good, just not great.Even though the book was a little predictable, I still enjoyed reading it.
Overall, this is a fun book to read. I would recommend it to anyone who likes quirky, but an enjoyable book.
Read more at http://www.2readornot2read.com/2013/01/dont-panic-it-will-only-attract-sharks.ht... ( )
  mt256 | Jan 19, 2013 |
Review: http://lifeasabookaddict.blogspot.com/2012/09/etiquette-for-end-of-world-by-jean...

What would you do if you thought the world was going to end on December 21, 2012? Would it be safe to go out in public if you were one of the lucky people that survived?
That is the issue that writer, Tess Eliot is tasked with when she is asked to write a guide regarding the preparation for the end of the world by a company called W.H.O.O.S.H: The World Organization for Omniscient Solstice Harbingers. Now that is a mouthful right?

When Tess meets these people, she finds out that they actually believe the world will end and are quite serious about this project. She however thinks they sound more like a cult and does not take the whole world ending thing very seriously at all. Since Tess recently lost her “Tess Knows Best” newspaper column, she is in desperate need of a job, so she agrees to write the book. With her personality and quick-wit, this writing assignment is perfect for Tess. And even though the end of the world is a heavy and serious topic to write about, she gives it a light and upbeat tone that readers will find engaging.

While she is working for W.O.O.S.H, she meets Peter Barrett, who is head of Donor Relations for the company. Peter becomes enamored with Tess and they start spending some time together outside of work. Peter is handsome, charming, and seemingly perfect. A little too perfect possibly…

The premise might sound a bit out there, but don’t let that fool you. Etiquette for the End of the World is a witty and light hearted weekend read that will take you on a crazy journey filled with memorable and funny characters, and a woman who will question W.O.O.S.H’s real motives and begin to wonder if there is some truth behind their belief after all.

The author, Jeanne Martinet adds just the right amount of humor to this story. I laughed numerous times while reading. It wasn’t one of those books that I couldn’t put down, but it was entertaining and fun nonetheless.

I would give this book a 3/12 out of 5 rating.

**Thank you to NetGalley and the Author, who I received this ARC from in exchange for my honest review.** ( )
  BookConfessions | Sep 24, 2012 |
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Amazon.com Product Description (ISBN 061568341X, Paperback)

RULE #1: DON’T PANIC—IT ONLY ATTRACTS THE SHARKS

It’s not the end of the world. That’s what 39-year-old Tess Eliot has to remind herself after losing her newspaper column (“Tess Knows Best”) and being dumped by her boyfriend for a younger woman (a feng shui expert? Really?). Then Tess is hired to write an etiquette guide preparing readers for the Ancient Mayan doomsday of December 21, 2012, and she has to ask herself: Could the world really be coming to an end? At first, Tess fakes her way through chapters like “Boundaries in the Bunker” and “Cannibalism: Yes or No?” But after uncovering a secret plot for world destruction, she is forced to embark on a life-changing odyssey of her own—involving all-too-close encounters with touchy-feely survivalists, conspiracy theorists and one handsome guy who seems way too perfect.

“Jeanne Martinet has written a wise and witty novel, full of surprises and lovable characters. Perfect reading as the end of the world approaches.”

--Richard Marek, author of Works of Genius and co-author of A Godsend

"Warmhearted and deliciously sly...Read it, laugh out loud, and be prepared for anything!"

--Laura Moore, author of Trouble Me and In Your Eyes

“When the world comes to an end, I want Jeanne Martinet at my side, giving me dating protocol and telling me how to carry my weapons. Etiquette for the End of the World is brilliant, page-turning fun.”

--Debra Galant, author of Rattled and Cars from a Marriage

“Etiquette for the End of the World is a funny, charming and knowing look at post-2012 romance.”

--Dalma Heyn, author of Marriage Shock: The Transformation of Women into Wives

"Smart and funny"

--Randy Cohen, author of Be Good: How to Navigate the Ethics of Everything

(retrieved from Amazon Thu, 12 Mar 2015 18:13:48 -0400)

From the author of The Art of Mingling comes a witty romantic comedy about endings...and new beginnings RULE #1: DON'T PANIC-IT ONLY ATTRACTS SHARKS It's not the end of the world. That's what depressed, 39-year-old Tess Eliot has to remind herself after losing her newspaper column and being dumped by her boyfriend for a younger woman (a feng shui expert? Really?) But when Tess gets hired by a wacky cult to write an etiquette guide to prepare for what the cult believes is imminent global catastrophe, she begins to ask herself: "Wait-could the world actually be coming to an end?" At first, Tess fakes her way through chapters like "Boundaries in the Bunker" and "Cannibalism: Yes or No?" Then she uncovers what appears to be a bona fide plot for world destruction, and she embarks on a life-changing odyssey-involving all-too-close encounters with touchy-feely survivalists and conspiracy theorists, and one handsome guy who seems way too perfect. Filled with wit and insight (including the "Twelve Rules to Live and Die By"), Etiquette for the End of the World is laugh-out-loud fun, with surprising life lessons along the way.… (more)

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