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Confessions of an Alli Cat (The Cougar…

Confessions of an Alli Cat (The Cougar Chronicles, #1) (edition 2012)

by Courtney Cole

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205515,329 (4.29)None
Title:Confessions of an Alli Cat (The Cougar Chronicles, #1)
Authors:Courtney Cole
Info:Lakehouse Press (2012), Kindle Edition, 201 pages
Collections:Blog Review, Romance, Your library

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Confessions of an Alli Cat by Courtney Cole



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Funny and very sexy! I like this author's style. Things really got awkward towards the end and I was surprised by the way everything turned out (some of which I'm not sure that I buy) but overall a good and "educational" read! Shade is yummy! ( )
  GwendolynGrace | Jul 15, 2015 |
Absolutely Hilarious !!!!!

Honestly I laughed my butt off with this book .... and this would be a major part of the book , that I laughed so hard I thought I was going to pee my pants honestly ....

Twenty minutes later, I am terrified. I am naked from the waist down, flat on my back with a tiny towel covering up my female parts. A tiny little chick with an eyebrow ring is getting the wax ready and
I’m panting again. Did I mention that the wax will be hot? And that it is going on my private, tender female parts? I pant harder.
“Calm down,” Sara instructs, sitting next to me.
They don’t usually allow spectators in, but Sara convinced them that I would need my hand held. At the moment, I think I would rather hold hands with the devil himself, considering how it is Sara’s fault
that I am in this predicament in the first place.
“Your vagina will thank you,” she announces to me. “So suck it up and put your big girl panties on. You’re going to
be fine.” “I can’t put my big girl panties on,” I
hiss. “Because I’m getting the hair on my vagina ripped out by the roots. So, obviously, I can’t pull up any panties, biggirl
or otherwise.” Sara rolls her eyes.
“Why do you have to be so melodramatic?” she asks, peering at me
over the top of her fashion magazine. “This is for your own good. Do you really want to walk around with something
that needs a weed-wacker?” The Waxer-Girl (because I have no
idea what her true title is) giggles as she
turns around, a wooden spatula thingie in
her hand. I gulp and I know my eyes are
wild as I assess the room for an escape
hatch. Without even looking up, Sara puts
a hand on my arm. “Don’t even think about it,” she says,
while still reading her article. “I’m going to throw up,” I try.
“No, you’re not,” she answers. “I have cramps,” I attempt.
“Doesn’t matter,” she replies. “I think I’m pregnant,” I hedge, as a last attempt. “Impossible,” she says heartlessly.
“And irrelevant. Preggos need bald vajayjays too. Now, let’s get on with it, shall we?”She’s looking at me now, with one
thinly sculpted brow practically raised into her red hairline. I gulp and nod, squeezing my eyes shut. I do not want to
watch this. At all.“For the record,” I tell Sara while
keeping my eyes tightly closed, “I do not need a weed-wacker.”
“Irrelevant,” she says again, her attention once again absorbed by her
magazine. I sigh. Waxer-Girl clatters around a little bit
by my elbow and then examines my vag. “Okay, Ms. Lancaster,” she says. “I’m just going to first spread the wax, then…”
I interrupt her. “I don’t want to know,”
I say firmly. “Just do it. I’m not looking.”
“Okay, m’am,” she says. I can tell she's smiling, but I don’t care.
Considering the circumstances, I also
overlook the fact that she called me the
dreaded m’am. I feel the wax, hotter than I would have
imagined, getting spread on the part of me
that should never be exposed in a salon or
anywhere else with fluorescent lighting.
Ever. Except in a doctor’s office which
can’t be helped. She puts something thin on top of the
wax. Then she pats it down. And pats
some more. And since I have had my
eyebrows waxed faithfully every six
weeks like clockwork since I was a
teenager, I know what comes next. I brace
for it. And brace for it. And hold my
breath and brace for it again.
And then it comes.
The room literally blurs for a second. I
think I might actually be having an
aneurysm from the white-hot pain. I can
barely even see straight.
“Holy shit!” I yelp. I grab ahold of
Sara’s arm now and sink my fingernails into it.
“Oh, so now you want to hold my
hand?” Sara says with interest. And a
little bit of snark. “No,” I snarl. “Now I would like to rip
your hand off. Just like you just had my
pubic hairs ripped off. It’s only fitting,
don’t you think?” She shakes her head. “Oh, Alli. You
truly are a drama queen. Now I know
where Sophie gets it. You’re going to “I might,” I tell her confidently. “But I doubt you will.”
Sara rolls her eyes as the second round
of wax gets applied. Pat, pat, pat.
I cringe, getting ready.
I yelp again. And dig my nails deeper
into Sara’s arm. If possible, that was
worse than the first time.
“Oh, holy pygmy monkeys,” I moan,
wanting desperately to cradle my vagina
and sing to it. I’m sorry, my pet, I tell it silently. I
know I promised that I wouldn’t hurt
you. It was her idea. Not mine.
“Alli, you’re going to be fine,” Sara
says impatiently. “Beauty comes with a
price.” I can hear a tiny bit of sympathy in
survive, trust me.”
her voice now, though. Because of that, I
wonder if I’m bleeding down there.
“Not now, Sara,” I say through gritted
teeth. “I’m apologizing to my vagina.”
Waxer-Girl laughs aloud now, and I
glare at her. She averts her gaze instantly
and applies more wax.

NOW you see why I was ......

Ok now that I got that outta the way lol ...

This book is about a 35 yr old woman Alli , her best friend decides that after getting divorced from a 15 yr marriage where her husband cheated on her it is time for Alli to get back into the dating scene . SOOO the Good BFF that Sara is gets her to go out with her to meet with a Male Gigilo ... She has the time of her life and from then it is one funny thing after another ... and add in a little bit of interesting happenings and you will surely enjoy this book .

I don't want to give to much away in the book because Then there is no point in reading it , but I will say this If you Loved Wallbanger , you will surely LOVE this one ...

I can not wait to see what Courtney Cole has in store for us with the next book in this series ( )
  Chris.BlogEmporium | May 6, 2014 |
Hilarious meets Hot!
This book is so funny I was giggling out loud while reading it.
But it was also hot hot hot!
I never wanted this book to end.
It's one fumble after another and I found myself cringing when Alli found herself in situations that I could see coming a mile away but there was no stopping it. Alli makes the best of every one of those situations and it turns out to be hilarious.


"Her kind of crazy is like the avocado kind of crazy- the good kind."

"Welcome to Crazy Town. I hope you enjoy your stay."

"Today starts the liberation of Allison. Or at least her too-hah."

"I laugh at the thought that a beaver is going to stimulate my beaver."

"Yep, I'm gonna ride him like a runaway bull tonight, No two ways about it."

"Oh, you flatter! If either of us swung that way, we'd be perfect together. But, alas, I'm a sausage lover, as are you. No tacos for us."

"I'm in love with his grin. I want to find a luxury apartment in SoHo or some equally cool neighborhood and co-habitate with it and have its little grin babies. That's how much I love it."

" "Not now, Sara." I say through gritted teeth. "I'm apologizing to my vagina." "
Read more reviews on my blog iloveladyporn.com ( )
  iloveladyporn | Dec 6, 2013 |
What's a woman to do when she finds herself a recently divorced single mother of a fifteen year old daughter, who hasn't been in the dating world in ages? She relies on the over-the-top suggestions of her best friend of course!

Thirty-five year old Allison "Alli" Lancaster recently got divorced from her cheating ex-husband, "Rick the Dick," a no good SOB who cheated on her with every female within a twenty mile radius who was willing and had a heartbeat! Turning to her crazy best friend Sara for suggestions, she goes a good kind of crazy and embarks on a journey that will teach her things about herself, and how to embrace her inner cougar! So come along and take a ride on the crazy train into a crazy town that is Alli's world!

Oh my frigging god! Confessions Of An Alli Cat is one hell of a hilarious, laugh-out-loud, pee-your-pants, raunchy kind of tale that is sure to make you blush and tickle your funny bone! This is not your typical innocent little chick lit story or for the faint of heart, this book is for mature audiences only, you've been warned! This is the first book in the Cougar Chronicle series.

Author Courtney Cole weaves an entertaining tale written in the first person narrative told by Alli Lancaster, who takes the reader along for the ride as she embarks on a journey of self-discovery, and along the way she learns to add a little bit of spice to her life. This outrageously humorous, hot, sexy and romantic story will keep you in stitches as Alli and Sara's adventures unfold with some crazy antics and situations that they get themselves into. From Brazilian waxes to Botox; to buying and using a vibrator for the first time; to dating a hot young gigolo named Shade; to having the hots for her new boss Alex, Alli eyes are opened to a whole new world full of fun and surprises that she could never have dreamed of having. Alli makes going crazy in a good kind of way so much fun!

Alli is such a fun character, she is sassy and hilarious, I could relate to her and commiserate with her, most of all I simply adored her! Alli certainly doesn't have a problem saying what she thinks, this woman keeps it real! She has an over-the-top best friend in Sara, who is hilarious in her own right, and helps Alli come out of her shell and add some much needed spice to her life. The crazy situations that they get themselves into was so funny, I couldn't help but have a case of the giggles as I turned the pages. And I would be remiss if I didn't mention the sexy young stud Shade or Alli's hot boss Alex. I had no problem visualizing what these two fine specimens of a male would look like, thank you to the author for providing some fun fantasy visualizations. *wink wink*

I can't say enough how much I enjoyed reading this story. It is one of the most entertaining books that I have recently read. With a quirky cast of characters; hysterical dialogue and sassy provocative interactions; a richly descriptive setting that is the one and only Sin City called Las Vegas; and a storyline that holds you captive, Confessions Of An Alli Cat is a non-stop entertaining story that gets two thumbs up and a sexy cougar growl! I am so looking forward to reading the next book in the Cougar Chronicles series.

Disclaimer: I received a copy of the book from the author in exchange for my honest review and participation in a virtual book tour event hosted by Chick Lit Plus Blog Tours.

http://jerseygirlbookreviews.blogspot.com/2013/02/confessions-of-alli-cat-by-cou... ( )
  JerseyGirlBookReview | Feb 6, 2013 |
I had high hopes for Confessions because the synopsis looked interesting, and it sounded like a funny read. Thirty-five-year-old Allison Lancaster is divorced and in a dating funk. Well, actually not a funk as she’s not dating anyone. Her best friend Sara buys her a night with a gigolo, and encourages to her to try new things such as sex toys and a Brazilian. What ensues is supposed to be a hilarious account of a woman getting her groove back; however, the book falls flat for me. While it’s a fast-paced read, I had several issues with the plot and its execution.

First of all, the language used in several places seemed forced and unnatural. I felt the author was trying too hard to be funny, and it just failed. Sure, there are a few funny moments but none that were really memorable. The constant referral to Alli’s ex-husband as “Rick the Dick,” got old really fast. A few times here and there would have been okay, but it’s overused. The language ultimately felt very juvenile to me. I couldn’t quite place why it felt this way. The only times it felt natural was when Alli’s 15-year-old daughter and Alli’s assistant were talking.

Second, with the exception of Alli’s daughter and Alex, everyone else seemed to be a caricature. I found myself asking what mature, 35-year-old woman acts the way Alli’s best friend does? I’m not saying the “Sara’s of the world” don’t exist because I’m sure they do, but the entire dynamic between Alli and Sara felt fake. Alli asking if the Brazilian was THE Brazilian just felt off. Also, Alli complains how everything is Sara’s idea and doesn’t want to go along with them, such as the Brazilian experience. She’s a grown woman and can put her foot down and say no, but does she? Nope. Yes, we see Alli grow from this shy, sexual woman to a woman confident in her sexuality; but I believe the experience could have been achieved without the exaggeration used.

Finally, the big plot twist ended up more of a “yuck fest” than anything at all. I’m not a prude; but when the big reveal came, all I could do was put my e-reader down and walk away. It took a few days to get back into it. I know a lot of reviewers don’t have an issue with this; and that’s okay, but I do. Part of the issue is that nothing is said to Alex, and all I can imagine is the future when he does find out. I know it’s fiction, but I don’t need a Maury Povich moment in my books, even if I imagine what the future could be. Judging from the reviews, no one has a problem with it, and that’s fine. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I couldn’t move past it. Even trying to think of Shade as Shade, etc. I just couldn’t.

A lot of reviewers have focused on the sex and saying they are scorchers, etc. I found myself skimming them. One scene in particular involving Shade and a masseuse had me rolling my eyes and skimming the rest of the scene. I don’t have a problem reading a love triangle; but in most, the third wheel isn’t expanded, and it’s easy to cheer on the underdog or the one giving lessons in seduction. In Confessions, we don’t have that. A large chunk is devoted to Shade and Alli’s relationship and I kept wondering if it was Shade she was going to wind up with and what the heck Alex had to with the book.

I’d also like to bring up the concept of gigolos. The gigolo genre isn’t very popular, and there’s a reason for it. I’m not sure how the author got the idea, but I think she must have been watching Nightline’s story on “Secrets of Gigolos” or Showtime’s Gigolos, that focuses on the Cowboys4Angels website. Here is where the author failed the legal aspect of it. While paying for an escort is perfectly legal in several states because you are paying for companionship, paying for sexual services is illegal. The novel takes places in Clark County, which includes Las Vegas, so paying for sex is therefore illegal. While the author, does state that Shade is an escort, the fact remains Alli and her friend pay to have sex and it’s illegal in Nevada to exchange money for sex the way the author describes the scenarios. In fact, in Nevada legalized brothels outside metro cities is acceptable with the rest being prostitution. Shade even admits he got into the business because he likes to have sex. I can suspend disbelief in fiction, however; in this case I can’t separate fact from fiction.

The story had potential, but quickly fell flat. I debated over the rating. I gave it a three for the moments with Alex because I truly believe those are the best scenes in the book. ( )
  winterlillies | Dec 21, 2012 |
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Amazon.com Product Description (ISBN 0615722210, Paperback)

Fifty Shades of Grey meets hilarious Contemporary Romance in this witty and sexy novel by Courtney Cole. Caution! Only read this book if you want to laugh and are not offended at adult themes and language. This is not a Young Adult book. ******** “You know what they say…a happy vagina is a happy woman. Well, they might not say that, but they should.” –Alli Thirty-five year-old Allison “Alli” Lancaster has it all—a fabulous job, a beautiful 15 year-old daughter, a hilarious BFF and a gorgeous house with a pool and Jacuzzi in an exclusive Las Vegas neighborhood. What she doesn’t have is a husband, because she kicked her lousy, cheating ex to the curb nine months ago. Since then, Alli has paid her dues with seemingly endless self-improvement and seemingly endless mourning. Now she’s ready to move on and try new things. Alli’s idea of “trying new things” is nothing like that devil-of-a-best-friend of hers. Somehow, Sara, the devil of a best friend, talks Alli into trying out a sex toy, sleeping with a younger man and letting a stranger in a lab jacket put hot wax on a place that should never, ever, ever see wax. And that’s only the beginning. Alli never saw her life going quite like this. She also never thought she’d meet someone else who had the very real potential to change her life forever. But she did. Enter the new guy. He’s gorgeous, refined and mature. He’s also marriage material. But that poses a problem for Alli, who renounced the institution of marriage when she renounced her ex. What’s a girl to do? They say that what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. But what the heck happens when you can’t leave Vegas? Well, you spin the wheel, of course. You play the game and let the chips fall where they may. Alli just hopes she can find them all.

(retrieved from Amazon Thu, 12 Mar 2015 18:16:50 -0400)

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