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You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in…
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You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation (original 1990; edition 1991)

by Deborah Tannen

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1,983183,405 (3.75)36
Member:an_eternalstudent
Title:You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation
Authors:Deborah Tannen
Info:Ballantine Books (1991), Paperback, 336 pages
Collections:Your library
Rating:***
Tags:sociology, human relationships, language

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You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation by Deborah Tannen (1990)

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» See also 36 mentions

English (17)  Dutch (1)  All (18)
Showing 1-5 of 17 (next | show all)
I registered a book at BookCrossing.com!
http://www.BookCrossing.com/journal/13409167
  Lunapilot | Jul 19, 2016 |
Read during Fall 2001

My original copy went missing years ago, I bought a new copy and it is just as good now as it was then.
  amyem58 | Jul 11, 2014 |
Can be applied immediately to improve the seemingly inexplicable communication difference most of us have with the opposite sex. Continues to be relevant in long-term relationships. ( )
  Diane-bpcb | Mar 27, 2013 |
It took me about a year to get through this, just because I kept putting it down and forgetting it. It was an easy read, though. More detailed than I really needed, but not at all too dense. Just many, many examples. The book covers gender communication in general, with plenty of attention given to children, so it's definitely more textbook than self-help. ( )
  kristenn | Jan 10, 2010 |
Have you ever had a conversation with someone of the opposite sex that seemed like you were operating on different wavelengths, or that the conversation you thought you were having was interpreted completely differently by the other party? Dr. Tannen argues that it's not in your head: women and men in conversation is much closer to cross-cultural communication than we might imagine. She then goes on to enumerate the many ways that miscommunication arises based on the different ways we tend to speak and interpret conversations: through the lens of status (men) or connection (women).

Dr. Tannen's research, including transcripts of conversations from studies of boys, girls, men, and women of various ages and anecdotal evidence from real conversations persuasively makes the case for the status and connection at work in every conversation. I appreciated that the author never makes a moral judgment about the way one or the other interprets the conversation. She merely explains what's going on from each point of view, giving each party the language to express what they're trying to do or say. I recognized many conversations as ones I have had with my brother, my father, and male friends. Some of the topics she touches on, such as high-involvement/high-considerate and direct/indirect ways of speaking are beneficial even in conversations with people of the same sex (for example, as a "high-involvement speaker" I can now explain to my family that I really do end a sentence with "and" waiting for someone to overlap my speech). Because she ties everything back to the original ideas of status and connection, her comments on conversations do become a bit repetitive after awhile. But her conversational style and clear presentation of a persuasive argument make this book worth reading. ( )
4 vote bell7 | Sep 15, 2009 |
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To my father and mother source and sustenance
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Many years ago I was married to a man who shouted at me, "I do not give you the right to raise your voice to me, because you are a woman and I am a man."
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Amazon.com Product Description (ISBN 0345372050, Paperback)

"A chatty, earnest and endearing book that promises here-and-now rewards for taking the trouble to listen more carefully to what others are saying--and to be more sensitive to what others are hearing."
LOS ANGELES TIMES
Discover how men and women can interpret the same conversation differently, even when there is no apparent misunderstanding. Discover why sinscere attempts to communicate are so often confounded, and how we can prevent or relieve some of the frustration. This fascinating, helpful, and controversial book--on the NEW YORK TIMES Bestseller list for two years!--explores, in depth the differing style men and women articulate, and how to work through it and get to the heart of the matter.

(retrieved from Amazon Thu, 12 Mar 2015 18:15:26 -0400)

(see all 3 descriptions)

"A chatty, earnest and endearing book that promises here-and-now rewards for taking the trouble to listen more carefully to what others are saying--and to be more sensitive to what others are hearing." LOS ANGELES TIMES Discover how men and women can interpret the same conversation differently, even when there is no apparent misunderstanding. Discover why sinscere attempts to communicate are so often confounded, and how we can prevent or relieve some of the frustration. This fascinating, helpful, and controversial book--on the NEW YORK TIMES Bestseller list for two years!--explores, in depth the differing style men and women articulate, and how to work through it and get to the heart of the matter. Includes information on African Americans, arguing, authority, body language, childrenŽs interaction, conversational styles (Antiguan, Greek, Italian, Jewish, Malgasy, New England, New York Jewish, Norwegian, Russian, Spanish, Swedish, Tenejapa, Thai), cross cultural communication, fighting, framing, friendship, gossip, Greece, indirectness, interruption, stereotypes of Jews, jokes, metamessages, professors, public speaking, rapport talk, report talk, secrets, silence, storytelling, etc.… (more)

(summary from another edition)

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