Hide this

Results from Google Books

Click on a thumbnail to go to Google Books.

You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation by Deborah Tannen
Loading...

You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation

by Deborah Tannen

MembersReviewsPopularityAverage ratingConversations
1,144143,301 (3.78)32
Info:

Harper Paperbacks (2001), Paperback, 352 pages

Member:jbushnell
Collections:Your libraryRating:****
Tags:None
Recently added byGordonGT, LewCipher, meredk, private library, RDP, iphigenie, bmaisano, saotwilight, linzhou, tuliene
Loading...
won't like will probably not like will probably like will like will love

Sign up for LibraryThing to find out whether you'll like this book.

Showing 1-5 of 14 (next | show all)
Have you ever had a conversation with someone of the opposite sex that seemed like you were operating on different wavelengths, or that the conversation you thought you were having was interpreted completely differently by the other party? Dr. Tannen argues that it's not in your head: women and men in conversation is much closer to cross-cultural communication than we might imagine. She then goes on to enumerate the many ways that miscommunication arises based on the different ways we tend to speak and interpret conversations: through the lens of status (men) or connection (women).

Dr. Tannen's research, including transcripts of conversations from studies of boys, girls, men, and women of various ages and anecdotal evidence from real conversations persuasively makes the case for the status and connection at work in every conversation. I appreciated that the author never makes a moral judgment about the way one or the other interprets the conversation. She merely explains what's going on from each point of view, giving each party the language to express what they're trying to do or say. I recognized many conversations as ones I have had with my brother, my father, and male friends. Some of the topics she touches on, such as high-involvement/high-considerate and direct/indirect ways of speaking are beneficial even in conversations with people of the same sex (for example, as a "high-involvement speaker" I can now explain to my family that I really do end a sentence with "and" waiting for someone to overlap my speech). Because she ties everything back to the original ideas of status and connection, her comments on conversations do become a bit repetitive after awhile. But her conversational style and clear presentation of a persuasive argument make this book worth reading. ( )
4 vote bell7 | Sep 15, 2009 |
Do you have any interactions with people of the opposite sex? Read this book.

Do you ever wonder why even your own gender acts in such a particular why? Read this book.

Seriously, I thought this book would be a very dull, dry, read. Gender and linguistics aren't the most exciting of subjects, usually - but in Tannen's expert hands this becomes a fascinating and balanced read. It's not anti-woman or anti-man, but tries to study the reasons - cultural or otherwise - why we communicate the way we do. It gets to the very root of gender differences. Most women seek commonalities with other women (one complains of an ailment, the other sympathizes with a similar tale of woe) while men tend to one-up the other in a hierarchcal scramble for dominance (a guy has an ailment, so the other guy ignores it, dismisses it, or elevates his own standing). The book cites studies of children and shows how they show many of the same communicative patterns of adults. The author also refers to a variety of literature and personal anecdotes to illustrate situations.

My husband even picked up this book and flipped through and said he was impressed by it. My husband rarely reads books.

As a writer, I think this book will be an excellent source for honing dialog and creating conflict. This is a keeper. ( )
1 vote ladycato | Aug 10, 2009 |
A solid book on an interesting topic. ( )
  Katya0133 | Jul 23, 2009 |
A great introduction for me into considering how genders, like cultures, have different ways of communicating. (My premise is that genders, like cultures, are socially-constructed to some extent.) ( )
  iceT | May 18, 2009 |
This book came out at the same time as the more popular Men are From Mars, Women from Venus. I like this one best. The author has credentials to write this stuff. More importantly, it has been a great use in understanding how to communicate more effectively with the opposite sex. ( )
  stunik | Apr 2, 2009 |
Showing 1-5 of 14 (next | show all)
no reviews | add a review
You must log in to edit Common Knowledge data.
For more help see the Common Knowledge help page.
Series (with order)
Canonical Title
Original publication date
People/Characters
Important places
Important events
Awards and honors
Epigraph
Dedication
First words
Many years ago I was married to a man who shouted at me, "I do not give you the right to raise your voice to me, because you are a woman and I am a man."
Quotations
Last words
Disambiguation notice
Publisher's editors
Blurbers

References to this work on external resources.

Wikipedia in English (3)

Complimentary language and gender

Deborah Tannen

Gender differences in spoken Japanese

Book description

Amazon.com Book Description (ISBN 0345372050, Paperback)

"A chatty, earnest and endearing book that promises here-and-now rewards for taking the trouble to listen more carefully to what others are saying--and to be more sensitive to what others are hearing."
LOS ANGELES TIMES
Discover how men and women can interpret the same conversation differently, even when there is no apparent misunderstanding. Discover why sinscere attempts to communicate are so often confounded, and how we can prevent or relieve some of the frustration. This fascinating, helpful, and controversial book--on the NEW YORK TIMES Bestseller list for two years!--explores, in depth the differing style men and women articulate, and how to work through it and get to the heart of the matter.

(retrieved from Amazon Fri, 24 Apr 2009 07:57:51 -0400)

(see all 3 descriptions)

The first test round has been closed. Visit the Open Shelves Classification group for details.

Quick Links

Ebooks Audio Swap
1 pay255+/5

Popular covers

 

Help/FAQs | About | Privacy/Terms | Blog | Contact | LibraryThing.com | APIs | WikiThing | Common Knowledge | 45,952,244 books!