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You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation by Deborah Tannen
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You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation

by Deborah Tannen

MembersReviewsPopularityAverage ratingConversations
1,056123,245 (3.79)18
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Harper Paperbacks (2001), Paperback, 352 pages

Member:jbushnell
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A great introduction for me into considering how genders, like cultures, have different ways of communicating. (My premise is that genders, like cultures, are socially-constructed to some extent.) ( )
iceT | May 18, 2009 |  
This book came out at the same time as the more popular Men are From Mars, Women from Venus. I like this one best. The author has credentials to write this stuff. More importantly, it has been a great use in understanding how to communicate more effectively with the opposite sex. ( )
stunik | Apr 2, 2009 |  
I worked at a Bookstop in the early '90s. This book was (and still is) vastly popular. Secertly, I made fun of the book and readers. "No MAN would confuse MY intentions and meanings." Granted, I am as subtle as a sledge hammer and have NO problem expressing myself.

Fast forward to Nov 2006, my wedding. By 2007, I was hounding my mother for her copy. I still haven't finished it (old prejudicies die HARD), but just knowing that I am not the only one that experiences the gap in communication with their partner. ( )
izze.t | May 15, 2008 |  
Very well done. Scientific and intelligent without being dry or pedantic. I can see why this has so thoroughly been absorbed as a cultural meme on understanding inter-gender communication. The concept of report talk verses rapport talk was eye-opening for me.

Finally, I understood all the little dissensions between my significant other when he'd say that I always make the topics "about me" when I'd chime in with a similar experience. What works for feminine 'we're alike' and thus relational conversations doesn't feel the same way to a man who has a paradigm more hierarchical and masculine.

While not every man always speaks in masculine ways nor does every woman only use rapport-talk, it is enlightening to see why and how we speak, and be able to choose our style to fit a situation, and understand some of the reasons that may take it 'off-track' when speaking across the gender gap. ( )
cckelly | Apr 3, 2008 |  
The book is more like a story-telling than a linguistic book. With lots of cases, it makes readers desperately realize that "they" just don't understand.
lesliebai | Dec 13, 2007 |  
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Epigraph
Dedication
First words
Many years ago I was married to a man who shouted at me, "I do not give you the right to raise your voice to me, because you are a woman and I am a man."
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Book description

Amazon.com Book Description (ISBN 0345372050, Paperback)

"A chatty, earnest and endearing book that promises here-and-now rewards for taking the trouble to listen more carefully to what others are saying--and to be more sensitive to what others are hearing."
LOS ANGELES TIMES
Discover how men and women can interpret the same conversation differently, even when there is no apparent misunderstanding. Discover why sinscere attempts to communicate are so often confounded, and how we can prevent or relieve some of the frustration. This fascinating, helpful, and controversial book--on the NEW YORK TIMES Bestseller list for two years!--explores, in depth the differing style men and women articulate, and how to work through it and get to the heart of the matter.

(retrieved from Amazon Fri, 24 Apr 2009 07:57:51 -0400)

(see all 3 descriptions)

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