Have you ever had a conversation with someone of the opposite sex that seemed like you were operating on different wavelengths, or that the conversation you thought you were having was interpreted completely differently by the other party? Dr. Tannen argues that it's not in your head: women and men in conversation is much closer to cross-cultural communication than we might imagine. She then goes on to enumerate the many ways that miscommunication arises based on the different ways we tend to speak and interpret conversations: through the lens of status (men) or connection (women).

Dr. Tannen's research, including transcripts of conversations from studies of boys, girls, men, and women of various ages and anecdotal evidence from real conversations persuasively makes the case for the status and connection at work in every conversation. I appreciated that the author never makes a moral judgment about the way one or the other interprets the conversation. She merely explains what's going on from each point of view, giving each party the language to express what they're trying to do or say. I recognized many conversations as ones I have had with my brother, my father, and male friends. Some of the topics she touches on, such as high-involvement/high-considerate and direct/indirect ways of speaking are beneficial even in conversations with people of the same sex (for example, as a "high-involvement speaker" I can now explain to my family that I really do end a sentence with "and" waiting for someone to overlap my speech). Because she ties everything back to the original ideas of status and connection, her comments on conversations do become a bit repetitive after awhile. But her conversational style and clear presentation of a persuasive argument make this book worth reading. ( )

Do you have any interactions with people of the opposite sex? Read this book.

Do you ever wonder why even your own gender acts in such a particular why? Read this book.

Seriously, I thought this book would be a very dull, dry, read. Gender and linguistics aren't the most exciting of subjects, usually - but in Tannen's expert hands this becomes a fascinating and balanced read. It's not anti-woman or anti-man, but tries to study the reasons - cultural or otherwise - why we communicate the way we do. It gets to the very root of gender differences. Most women seek commonalities with other women (one complains of an ailment, the other sympathizes with a similar tale of woe) while men tend to one-up the other in a hierarchcal scramble for dominance (a guy has an ailment, so the other guy ignores it, dismisses it, or elevates his own standing). The book cites studies of children and shows how they show many of the same communicative patterns of adults. The author also refers to a variety of literature and personal anecdotes to illustrate situations.

My husband even picked up this book and flipped through and said he was impressed by it. My husband rarely reads books.

As a writer, I think this book will be an excellent source for honing dialog and creating conflict. This is a keeper. ( )

A solid book on an interesting topic. ( )

A great introduction for me into considering how genders, like cultures, have different ways of communicating. (My premise is that genders, like cultures, are socially-constructed to some extent.) ( )

This book came out at the same time as the more popular Men are From Mars, Women from Venus. I like this one best. The author has credentials to write this stuff. More importantly, it has been a great use in understanding how to communicate more effectively with the opposite sex. ( )

I worked at a Bookstop in the early '90s. This book was (and still is) vastly popular. Secertly, I made fun of the book and readers. "No MAN would confuse MY intentions and meanings." Granted, I am as subtle as a sledge hammer and have NO problem expressing myself.

Fast forward to Nov 2006, my wedding. By 2007, I was hounding my mother for her copy. I still haven't finished it (old prejudicies die HARD), but just knowing that I am not the only one that experiences the gap in communication with their partner. ( )

The book is more like a story-telling than a linguistic book. With lots of cases, it makes readers desperately realize that "they" just don't understand.

A careful analysis of the way gender differences manifest in conversation that scrupulously avoids taking a side in the "nature / nurture" debate. The book has no shortage of hard sociological data at its root, but most of the chapters are "humanized" with the inclusion of a lot of (sometimes repetitive) anecdotal data. This makes it slow reading at times, but the insights here remain sound: making this the rare example of a book that will genuinely help almost any adult who might take it to heart. ( )

THE book everyone in a committed heterosexual relationship should read. So enlightening! ( )

The topic of this book is interesting-- tho the actual content is not so! It describes the ways of thinking between men and women, and points out why misunderstanding occurs between genders.
It is good for those who's doing relevant research, but i think this book is not an ideal one to read for fun. ( )

Thought provoking but hard to finish. ( )

The follow up to "That's Not What I Meant!", written because most of the questions about the older book concerned the chapter about communication between men and women. I like her writing style a lot. See excerpt. ( )