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John Dies at the End by David Wong
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John Dies at the End (edition 2007)

by David Wong

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1,497794,953 (3.86)74
Member:ajhackwith
Title:John Dies at the End
Authors:David Wong
Info:Permuted Press (2007), Paperback, 376 pages
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John Dies at the End by David Wong

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» See also 74 mentions

Showing 1-5 of 79 (next | show all)
surreal, nasty, funny, horrific, profound: all of these things. ( )
  keebrook | Mar 10, 2015 |
I hate to tell you this, but John does not, in fact, die at the end of this book. No, he dies in the middle of the book. But then he comes back to life. Because, zombies or whatever the fuck. Don't ask me to try to explain this book to you, because it doesn't make any fucking sense.

It really is the most brilliantly-written nonsense I've ever read. I couldn't get enough of it. I read every goddamn word, my eyes glued to the page. Was it because of the amazing characters? Or a fascinating story, perhaps? Not really. It was just the most unpredictable Roller-Coaster ride I've ever been on. And I loved every second of it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that the characters, or the story, are bad. They're just fucking weird. The whole story is just one long acid trip, as far as I can tell.

This book is about David, and his friend John, who are paranormal investigators of sorts. Because one day, at a party, they took some acid, or 'soy sauce' as they call it. They call it that, because it's black, and kind of indescribable. It's some kind of alien substance, that has a life of its own. If you don't want to take it, that's fine. It will find its way inside you, somehow.

Ever since they took the soy sauce, they can see monsters, and ghosts, and strange things happening in their town. So every time something strange happens, they are called upon to help. And let me tell ya, something strange happens in their 'Undisclosed' town all the fucking time.

After John is supposedly killed, David is arrested. He thinks he's in big trouble, until his friend John calls him up and explains that David is not really being detained. John says that that big guy who looks like a police detective, isn't really there. He tells David to just walk out of the police station.

So he does, but then his phone starts to die. So, John tells him to buy a hotdog at a street vendor. “Okay, now put the hotdog up to your ear, like a phone. And talk to me, man.” David does this, and is amazed that the hotdog does indeed work as a perfectly good phone. Because John is just inside David's head, you see.

So, David sets out to find John's killer, still talking on the hotdog-phone, with mustard drooling down his chin. “Dude, can I just eat this hotdog? I'm really hungry, man.” David asks his dis-embodied friend. “Fuck no. You eat that hotdog, and I'm dead, dude,” his friend replies.

The book goes on like this, with David fighting off monsters by himself, until he is finally reunited with his dead friend. Then they get to kill the big boss-monster. After going through a portal to a different dimension, of course. In that world, all the girls are naked, and they all worship David and John, as you do. Because they are the chosen sacrifices to their real god, the boss-monster.

I told you this book was a big fucking acid trip. It makes absolutely no fucking sense, and yet, at the same time, it's bloody fascinating. It's just rain wreck after train wreck.

I can't recommend this book enough. It's one of my all-time favorites. The book itself has crept into my brain, just like the soy sauce. It has infected me, and I'm glad for it. At least I don't see ghosts and monsters yet. That would suck. I'd hate to have to solve everyone's fucked-up problems. ( )
  gecizzle | Mar 5, 2015 |
Totally odd and wonderful. Not sure writer didn't write it while on a fabulous drug trip, but quite frankly don't care. Totally unique. This is one you have to be paying attention to as it jumps around like crazy. Look forward to reading more. Fabulous dark humoour made me snort out loud on many occasions. FYI nasty gross at times ( )
  mountie9 | Feb 22, 2015 |
I'm not sure what I just read. All I know is that A) it was entertaining as hell and B) the ending was disappointing.



( )
  Book_Minx | Jan 24, 2015 |
This book started out life as intermittent postings on a blog while the author worked two jobs. Good word of mouth meant the story kept expanding and the audience for it grew until such time as an independent publisher offered to pick it up and put it out there for an even wider world. The momentum of the story continued and it's now also been adapted into a movie that I'll have to check out at some point. The author is currently executive editor for cracked.com, which provides a pointer to the nature of this book. Usually, as far as I'm concerned, comedy and horror don't mix all that well tending to smother each other and resulting in the finished product being too light on both. This is a rare example of the mash-up working well. Genuine creepiness merged with the utterly bizarre and laced with humour around a good story told by a not entirely trustworthy narrator. It won't work for everyone but it did for me and I'll definitely be grabbing the sequel at some point. ( )
  AHS-Wolfy | Dec 2, 2014 |
Showing 1-5 of 79 (next | show all)
JDATE is the rare genre novel that manages to keep its sense of humor strong without ever diminishing the scares; David is a consistently hilarious narrator whose one-liners and running commentary are sincere in a way that makes the horrors he confronts even more unsettling. Plot-wise, for a good two-thirds of the book, it seems like Wong is more interested in piling on weirder and weirder threats than fitting the pieces together, and while his invention never flags, the accumulation of horrors eventually threatens to turn the narrative into a breathless series of “And then?”s. Still, the tone and white-knuckle pacing cover up a lot of sins, and Wong manages to pull everything together for a finale that’s both stomach-churningly freaky and oddly moving. It’s the sort of thing that leaves readers breathless and nauseous, but surprisingly hungry for more.
 

» Add other authors (2 possible)

Author nameRoleType of authorWork?Status
David Wongprimary authorall editionsconfirmed
Arnold, RichDesignersecondary authorsome editionsconfirmed
Grom, RobCover designersecondary authorsome editionsconfirmed
Spear, GeoffCover artistsecondary authorsome editionsconfirmed
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First words
Solving the following riddle will reveal the awful secret behind the universe, assuming you do not go utterly mad in the attempt.
Quotations
Something coming back from the dead was almost always bad news. Movies taught me that. For every one Jesus you get a million zombies.
Let's say you have an ax. Just a cheap one, from Home Depot. On one bitter winter day, you use said ax to behead a man. Don't worry, the man was already dead. Or maybe you should worry, because you're the one who shot him.
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Wikipedia in English (2)

Book description
STOP.You should not have touched this book with your bare hands.NO, don’t put it down. It’s too late.They’re watching you.My name is David Wong. My best friend is John. Those names are fake. You might want to change yours.You may not want to know about the things you’ll read on these pages, about the sauce, about Korrok, about the invasion, and the future. But it’s too late. You touched the book. You’re in the game. You’re under the eye.The only defense is knowledge. You need to read this book, to the end. Even the part with the bratwurst. Why? You just have to trust me. The important thing is this:The drug is called Soy Sauce and it gives users a window into another dimension. John and I never had the chance to say no. You still do.Unfortunately for us, if you make the right choice, we’ll have a much harder time explaining how to fight off the otherworldly invasion currently threatening to enslave humanity.I’m sorry to have involved you in this, I really am. But as you read about these terrible events and the very dark epoch the world is about to enter as a result, it is crucial you keep one thing in mind: None of this is was my fault.

In this reissue of an Internet phenomenon originally slapped between two covers in 2007 by indie Permutus Press, Wong—Cracked.com editor Jason Pargin's alter ego—adroitly spoofs the horror genre while simultaneously offering up a genuinely horrifying story. The terror is rooted in a substance known as “soy sauce,” a paranormal psychoactive that opens video store clerk Wong's—and his penis-obsessed friend John's—minds to higher levels of consciousness. Or is it just hell seeping into the unnamed Midwestern town where Wong and the others live? Meat monsters, wig-wearing scorpion aberrations and wingless white flies that burrow into human skin threaten to kill Wong and his crew before infesting the rest of the world. A multidimensional plot unfolds as the unlikely heroes drink lots of beer and battle the paradoxes of time and space, as well as the clichés of first-person-shooter video games and fantasy gore films. Sure to please the Fangoria set while appealing to a wider audience, the book's smart take on fear manages to tap into readers' existential dread on one page, then have them laughing the next. 

David Wong is the pseudonym of Jason Pargin, online humorist, National Lampoon contributor, and editor-in-chief of Cracked.com.
Haiku summary

Amazon.com Product Description (ISBN 0312659148, Paperback)

NOW A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE

STOP.

You should not have touched this book with your bare hands.

NO, don’t put it down. It’s too late.

They’re watching you.

My name is David Wong. My best friend is John. Those names are fake. You might want to change yours.

You may not want to know about the things you’ll read on these pages, about the sauce, about Korrok, about the invasion, and the future. But it’s too late. You touched the book. You’re in the game. You’re under the eye.

The only defense is knowledge. You need to read this book, to the end. Even the part with the bratwurst. Why? You just have to trust me.

 

The important thing is this:

The drug is called Soy Sauce and it gives users a window into another dimension. 

John and I never had the chance to say no. 

You still do.

Unfortunately for us, if you make the right choice, we’ll have a much harder time explaining how to fight off the otherworldly invasion currently threatening to enslave humanity.

            I’m sorry to have involved you in this, I really am. But as you read about these terrible events and the very dark epoch the world is about to enter as a result, it is crucial you keep one thing in mind:

 

None of this is was my fault.

(retrieved from Amazon Thu, 12 Mar 2015 18:19:28 -0400)

(see all 6 descriptions)

This may be the story of John and David, a drug called soy sauce, and other-worldly beings invading the planet. Or, it may be the story of two beer-drinking friends who live in an unnamed Midwestern town and only think something horrific is going on. But the important thing is, according to the narrator, "None of this is my fault.".… (more)

(summary from another edition)

» see all 5 descriptions

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