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He's Come Undone by Theresa Weir
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He's Come Undone

by Theresa Weir

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I received this free eARC from NetGalley in exchange for my honest review.

This was a quick read - flew through it and enjoyed Ellie and Julian's story. I really liked that the author wrote in both characters viewpoints so we were able to see what both Ellie and Julian were thinking.

I felt for Julian. He went through a terrible experience back in New Hampshire and still wasn't himself when he was "using" the girls. In most cases, I would say it's because he's a guy and doesn't think like a girl, but he really was going through a hard time and really should have been helped more. And what he went through? Gah, that must have been terrible.

Ellie's mum is a prick taking all of her money that she earned. And poor Ellie is just trying to get back to college so she can start her life with the job that she wants. I do think that getting a new hair style and clothes does not make a person more attractive. In fact, it demeans the person doing it because it's not really them - not in the way Ellie changed herself that is.

And Julian noticed the original Ellie and was intrigued by her much faster than the "new and improved" Ellie, so that's something to think about...

I enjoyed this story. I liked the running bit that Julian was determined to succeed, only because I love running. I don't like the way Julian ran his marathon because he could have died, but I could comprehend how he was feeling when he described what running was like. Glad I got an eARC, even though this review isn't "advanced" anymore... I think loads of other readers will enjoy this story! ( )
  JeracaFite | Jan 26, 2016 |


Washed up former child actress Ellie Barlow needs a gig — any gig — to make ends meet. So when a group of college girls want to hire her to break a guy’s heart, she gets past her skepticism and ignores her conscience in favor of the five thousand dollars they promise her if she can get him to say he loves her. It’s not exactly the acting job she was aiming for, but it will certainly pay the bills. If only she didn’t like him so much…

The Verdict: Okay, so my initial reaction was that the story was a bit far-fetched, but the more I thought about it, the more it seemed plausible. And if you’ve been around a teenage girl any time lately, you know exactly what I mean. Most of them aren’t exactly logical when their hearts are broken, and they resort to all kinds of insanity like spreading rumors, cruising past his house at 3am, and dreaming up all kinds of crazy scenarios in which they come out the victor and he’s left with regrets. So while the idea of college girls hiring a has-been actress to snare and break a guy might not seem very realistic, I would imagine that with the right financial resources, it’s exactly what some might do. But that’s not what’s so awesome about this story.

While the plot is in some ways predictable, it didn’t play out exactly like I expected. Sure, Ellie managed to get Julian’s attention. And yes, he liked her even more when her own personality seeped into the role she was playing. And of course, he discovered her deception and channeled a bit of hate her way. But everything in between? Not predictable at all.

There was a lost beret, a bar fight that became a YouTube hit, a traumatic event that had Julian subconsciously taking advantage of girls — not some illogical decision based on his parents’ bad marriage or some girl that previously broke his heart and trust. He wasn’t callous, even though his actions certainly were, and he honestly thought the random hook-ups were just part of what college was about. The medication and therapy and complete obliviousness to his wrongs just made him all that more believable and easy to love.

And Ellie… Well, she wasn’t at all what I expected. She was never recognized as the girl from that television show, her financial situation was what I would imagine many former child stars go through, and while she was desperate to make a living, she wasn’t necessarily desperate for a second Hollywood wind so much as she just wanted to continue her craft. In many ways, she was just a normal, down-on-her-luck girl who got roped into something by a vengeful estrogen fest.

But best of all was the way it was all worked out. As usual, I won’t give away the ending, but the resolution seemed to happen by chance in a way and was spot on for Ellie’s character. Hell, even the repercussions of her somewhat grand gesture weren’t miraculously swept away. If you’re looking for a rather classic romance novel story line with an entirely new twist, characters that avoid the usual cliches, and a great but believable happily ever after, He’s Come Undone is a definite win.

***FicCentral received this book from Belfry Press (via NetGalley) for free in exchange for an honest review. Even so, we're far too opinionated to let a freebie influence our thoughts or the contents of the reviews we post here. ( )
  ysar | Jul 8, 2015 |

**ARC provided via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review**

Oh, my God. So fast.
It had happened so fast.
I'd fallen for him.
Like all those other girls.

With that fascinating quote, I welcome you to the 25% mark of He's Come Undone by Theresa Weir.

Excuse me while I do the following:

Laugh uncontrollably



Stare in horror



And piss myself laughing some more




As someone who writes sporadically, I can assure you that writing something off the top of your head, without it making any sense, and coming across as trying TOO hard is normal.

What isn't normal is for that off-the-top-of-your-head mess to be published.

And He's Come Undone is a huge mess.

There is the semblance of an interesting plot:

Penniless and behind on rent, college student and once famous child actress Ellie Barlow takes on the role of a lifetime when she's hired by a group of young women to break the heart of the campus player who cruelly dumped them.

And when I say interesting, it's because it sounded unusual and, well, cool.

Was it? The opposite, in fact.

I nodded, made a big production of taking a sip of coffee, then replaced my cup on the saucer. "So what's the job? An ad? Something for school?"
All three girls leaned forward. All three girls looked over their shoulder, back at me, then whispered: "We want you to break someone's heart."


Ellie Barlow is poor, a discarded child actress and in need of money, fast. When she responds to an ad on Craigslist, the last thing she expected was to be hired to break a boy's heart -- a manwhore's, at that.

You see, Ellie is a speshul snowflake and a Mary Sue. She's not pretty, but all the men want her; she's not funny, but everyone laughs at her jokes and there is no way that hot, fit, drop-dead gorgeous Julian would fall in love with her.



Julian, on the other hand, is also a speshul snowflake, but x2.

He has a DEEP DARK UNSPEAKABLE PAST which, of course, we find out about in the first 30% of the book.

And oh, he sleeps with girls, uses them for sex, and he thinks it's okay because they made the first move, therefore he is not guilty of being a dirty, STD spreading rat.



Really, people? This is what's passing off as hot these days? Manwhoring boys that can't keep it in their pants, but it's okay because they're TROUBLED?

Let me emphasise this: you should never let a man take advantage of you, of using your precious love tunnel because he has a deep dark secret and he's irresistibly hot. Your self-worth is worth more than that, ladies. Don't let him plunder your art gallery just because he's hot. BAG A MAN WITH SUBSTANCE LADIES. COME ON!

His internal monologue is fascinatingly hilarious though:

Next to her was a pink orchid with two green fronds and a stem so long and weak it had to be supported with a wooden stick and some twist ties. I mean, come on. I knew orchids were supposed to represent something soothing, but I would often catch myself looking at that damn flower, wondering if it represented her patients.

No, Julian. Sweetie, WHAT IF SHE REALLY LIKED ORCHIDS?

The dread.
Doors.
I hated them.
I never knew what was going to be on the other side. I just never knew.




How deep of you, Julian. Because doors, man.

I get that it's supposed to tie in with his past or whatever, but it was poorly executed. He just came off as weird. As someone I definitely would not be letting anywhere near my lady region.

She watched me in that calulating way of hers. With an expression that said she thought I was full of shit and she was just waiting for me to come to my senses and admit I'd used them. God, maybe I had.



You're an idiot, boy.

Basically, what Ellie needs to do is make him fall in love with her by spreading her pretty legs and doing the dirty.

But because she's a speshul snowflake, Julian falls in love with her.

They even say those words.

40% in.

Really?

And vice versa. So when their BIG BAD NAUGHTY PASTS come to light, shit hits the fan, people cry, there's sloppy sex invo--

Oh man, the sex scenes were HILARIOUS.

Here's a list of words you should avoid using if you're trying to write a raunchy, hot sex scene:

- slapping/sucking sounds
- grunt
- drove/drive (if you're talking about someone's mouth)
- piston
- huge penis
- impale

They turn even the most lust fuelled people off. Especially if they're coupled with the following:


I impaled myself with him.



We were both sweating like mad, and our skin was beginning to make a slapping sound



Also SPARE US THE FREAKIN' INTERNAL MONOLOGUE.

The bed was moving under us, back and forth, the headboard banging against the wall and I thought I'd never fucked like this, and I'd never given into such a frenzy

One minute I was calm, thinking okay, let's have sex. The next I was out of control

I actually felt hot all over, and especially hot and even swollen between my legs. Like if a female could have an erection, then I was having one



I can't even begin to detail the things that were wrong with this book. The POV switched randomly from Ellie to Julian and once even to Julian's sister, Valerie. The all sounded the same, with no distinct personalities.

Every time a plot twist (that isn't a twist because they're immature, childish idiots who can't comprehend what the word 'responsibility' even means) they would come up with stupid, ridiculous excuses:

Ellie: IT'S ALL MY ROBBING MOTHER'S FAULT
Julian: WHAT DO YOU MEAN FUCKING AROUND ISN'T OKAY? THEY MADE THE MOVE FIRST!
Valerie: I'm obsessed with my brother and any girl that comes into visual distance of my brother will feel #MYSIBLINGWRATHHAYAAAA!

WHAT A LOAD OF SHIT.

They blame their stupid mistakes on things that happened in the past. If you're trying to be a responsible, mature adult, own up to the fact that Ellie, you had sex with Julian because some girls were willing to pay you 5k, Julian, you're a slutty man who loves the vajayjay and together, you're a big, horrible, disgusting mess that I want to bitch slap with a fish.

Okay?

Awesome.

Last thoughts: Someone said that this is "Weir at her best."
If this is Weir at her best, I don't want to see her at her worse.

#overandout

( )
  Aly_Locatelli | Jan 26, 2015 |
I found this book to be a likable read, but not an absolutely lovable read. I felt that as it is classed a New Adult read it doesn't have the grittiness of some of the new adult books that I have read. ( )
  Obsessed-by-Books | Dec 7, 2014 |
I found this book to be a likable read, but not an absolutely lovable read. I felt that as it is classed a New Adult read it doesn't have the grittiness of some of the new adult books that I have read. ( )
  Obsessed-by-Books | Dec 7, 2014 |
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