Reviewed by Sally Kruger, aka "Readingjunky" for TeensReadToo.com

"You looked at Callie and me from over our mother's shoulder... I hoped you wouldn't try to wriggle out of the embrace, because in fact our mother seemed to be in a good mood. She was humming. Cocaine? New man? There were a few possibilities, and I didn't care which one it was. Maybe we'd have an okay evening."

Those are the words of Matthew Walsh as he tells a story of survival to his youngest sister Emmy. Matthew has decided to write down the events as they happened so his sister can read them some day. She was so young at the time, he worries that she might not understand the details of their early life in the hands of an abusive mother.

Nancy Werlin writes a powerful novel, THE RULES OF SURVIVAL, about three children and their struggle to live normal lives surrounded by chaos and abuse. Their crazed mother Nikki, most likely bi-polar or manic-depressive, has created a topsy-turvy environment for her family. One day she's treating them to a gigantic pancake feast at IHOP, and the next she disappears without a trace for days.

Matthew, Callie, and Emmy soldier on alone until help arrives in the form of a sympathetic boyfriend. He enlists the help of Matthew and Callie's father and their mother's sister to rescue the kids from the chaos.

Werlin creates a realistic and terrifying picture of life through Matthew's eyes. Readers will remember the story well after the last page. This is a book worth reading for adults as well as teens. ( )

Matt has grown up trying to protect himself and his sisters from their mother Nikki, who is wildly unpredictable and cruel. When he meets Murdoch, he realizes a normal life is not ruled by fear. Matt writes this story to his younger sister Emmy who does not realize just how dangerously they once lived. Recommended for those who liked A Child Called It. ( )

Have you ever had a mom that has gone over the fun limit? Where your mom dangled your baby sister over a cliff? Where your mom tries to sue a guy that is doing no harm to you except smiling? Where your mom has knicked you with a huge kitchen knife when you stole a cookie? Where you mom risks getting hit by a car, just becuase you didn't say you loved her loud enough?

Well, as you can see, Matt has experienced a mom that no one has ever experienced. A mom that thinks, even dangerous stuff, is fun.

Matt, amazingly enough, has braved through all those dangers, and fought his way through the tangles, and eliminated his thoughts of his mother.

I really think that Matt is a guy that takes responsibility right away. He is about almost fearless of others, and takes his own opinion seriously.

I think those people who whine that their life is not fair, or they can't get an IPhone, or Itouch, or even IPod read this, and discover how easy your life is compared to Matt's; you can't even have your own freedom on your own opinions, and decisions.

I really hope you understand. ( )

Matt writes a letter to his youngest sister Emmy to explain how they came to live with their Aunt Bobbie. He recalls the neglect, the emotional and sometimes physical abuse they suffered at the hands of Nikki, their mother. The plot is very realistic, Matthew's character is flawed but courageous and good. ( )

I couldn't finish this one but that's just because these sorts of books aren't my thing -- it definitely has a place in the 'sad and true' category and teens who like that sort of thing will find this well written (much better than "Three Little Words" or others). I'd also recommend "Someone In Between" for this genre. ( )

Matthew, Callie and Emmie live with their mother Nikki in South Boston. Their mother is known for her flights of fancy and her sudden rages, the three children grow up tip-toeing around their apartment, always afraid of inuring Nikki's wrath. Matthew and Callie sneak out one night for ice cream and meet a man named Murdock who is not afraid to stand up for children who are being mistreated. Matt and Callie form a plan to get Murdock involved in their lives and hope that he can help them, but their plans go awry when Nikki finds out about Murdock and decides to date him. The relationship doesn't go well and Nikki throws the children's lives into turmoil once again.This book was an interesting story but difficult to decide about. I didn't like most of the adult characters because they didn't do anything to stop Nikki from mistreating her children, but in the end they come around and no one seems to wonder why they weren't on Matt's side in the first place. A good story about abuse that doesn't involve any sex or many swear words. ( )

Richie's Picks: THE RULES OF SURVIVAL by Nancy Werlin, Dial Books, September 2006, publisher recommendation: 14 and up; ISBN: 0-8037-3001-2

As Matt explains, it was a sweltering Boston evening, and a date night for their mother. Matt was thirteen at that point, and Callie was eleven on that evening they left their five year old sister Emmy sleeping alone in the apartment, climbed out the window, and raced around the corner to buy a couple of Popsicles at the convenience store. They would return home a few minutes later with the dream that a stranger whose behavior they'd just witnessed might somehow be persuaded to intercede in the frightening and dangerous world they inhabited, a world controlled by Nikki, their nightmare of a mother.

"Callie and I headed straight for the ice cream freezer, and we'd just reached it when the yelling began. We whipped around.
"It was the barrel-shaped man and the little kid. The man had grabbed the boy by the upper arms and yanked him into the air. He was screaming into his face while the kid's legs dangled: 'What did you just do?'
"The little kid was clutching a package of Reese's Pieces and he started keening, his voice a long, terrified wail, his small body rigid.
"The big man--his father?--shook him hard, and kept doing it.
" 'I'll teach you to take things without permission! Spend my money without asking!'
"And then the other man, the one I later knew was called Murdoch, was between the father and son. Murdoch snatched the little kid away from his father and put the kid down behind him. Then Murdoch swiveled back.
"Emmy, I like to freeze the memory in my mind and just look at Murdoch. He was a medium kind of man. Medium height, medium build, hair shaved close to the skull. You wouldn't look twice--until you have looked twice.
"He wasn't afraid. I noticed that right away about him. Here was this huge enraged man, facing him. But this other man, Murdoch, was calm. At the same time, there was this sort of tension coiling off him.
"Callie and I were behind Murdoch and to the left, so we had only a partial view of his face and expression. But we had a full-on view of the little kid, who was so shocked that he stopped crying and just stared up at Murdoch's back with his mouth open.
"Meanwhile, Murdoch said, quietly but audibly, 'If you want to hurt somebody, you can hurt me. Go on. Hit me. I won't hit back. You can do it until you're not angry anymore. I'll let you.'
"There was an endless, oh, five seconds. The father's eyes bulged. His fists were clenched. He drew one arm back. But Murdoch was still looking straight at him, and I knew--you could feel it vibrating in the air--that even though Murdoch had said he wouldn't hit him, he wanted to. He wanted to hurt him.
"I liked him for that. No, Emmy, I loved him for that. Immediately."

Imagine being a child in a single-parent household with a mother who puts a knife to your throat for sneaking an Oreo without asking. A mother who suddenly pulls into the oncoming lane of traffic on the highway and demands you convincingly express your love and devotion to her (or else).

Sure, there are other adults around. Matt and Callie's distant and ineffectual father Ben also lives in Boston. But Ben is not Emmy's father, so even if they could convince him to do something, it wouldn't be of any help in their quest to protect their little sister from Nikki's insanity. Their Aunt Bobbie lives in the apartment below them, but she apparently ignores her big sister's horrific behavior toward the children. Matt and Callie are convinced that The System will, at the very most, provide temporary relief from the terror.

"Nikki was Nikki, unpredictable, temperamental, and vicious, with weird little moments of generosity and laughter mixed in. But she had always been that way. We could cope, and we would cope, because we always had."

But what happens when Murdoch's entrance into that world causes it to then become more and more and even more dangerous than it already was? There is no question that you'd better know THE RULES OF SURVIVAL.

After two days of reading in the bedroom, the dining room, the classroom, the parking lot, and the goat barn, I turned the final page and was finally able to get it unstuck from my hands.

Now that's what I call a gripping tale.

Richie Partington
http://richiespicks.com
BudNotBuddy@aol.com ( )

Fascinating book, and I think it would hold some interest for young adults as well. For me, the characters didn't seem quite real enough, and the story just slightly too predictable. ( )

Very well-written novel about a very tough subject.

From Google Books:
Seventeen-year-old Matthew recounts his attempts, starting at a young age, to free himself and his sisters from the grip of their emotionally and physically abusive mother. ( )

This was a great read. It was different from anything else that i've read before but it was still great. The characters' having to learn how to survive from their own mother really got me involved. I definately recommend this book to anyone willing to try something new. ( )

I didn't liked this book. It wouldn't be a book that I could use in my teaching with 3rd graders. I wouldn't read it aloud nor would I recommend my high 3rd graders to read it. I was frustrated that everyone was so afraid of Nikki that they wouldn't stand up for the kids. I was frustrated and wanted to report the mom for abuse and neglect. Even thought I didn't personally like the book, it had value for some readers I am sure. It isn't a book I would try banning, yet I could see others thinking it should be banned.

Merideth says: Matthew has always protected his sisters from the manic highs and lows of their beautiful but dangerous mother. The adults in his life provide no help from the protection from her violence. Matthew pins his hopes on Murdoch, a stranger who protected a child in a store, who miraculously starts dating Nikki. Murdoch provides Matthew's family with the first stability they have ever known. However, when Nikki's rages prove too much for Murdoch, Matthew is forced to act, and finds unlikely allies.
Nikki won't go without a fight though, and her actions force Matthew to a desperate choice.

Werlin is one of my favorite YA authors, and this book doesn't disappoint. It's to her credit that the structure of this book -- a letter from Matthew to his youngest sister -- doesn't detract from the suspense. While it might be unbeliveable that no one noticed the desperate situation Matthew is in before Murdoch, Werlin does a great job of painting a family in crisis, and putting the reader in the position of a young man in a terrible situation. (cross-posted from MeriJenBen) ( )

I listened to the unabridged audio version of this stunningly sad, yet uplifting young adult novel. I've read Werlin's Double Helix and was shocked that she could write just gritty, realistic fiction, too.

Matthew is 17 with two sisters and an abusive mother. His mother is bipolar (I think) although we never find out an exact diagnosis. She puts their lives at risk, forgets to do important mom things, and just goes crazy a lot. So Matthew writes everything down and addresses it to his younger sister Emmy. And, wow, what a story. It's amazing that a stranger is the one who ends up helping these kids. Sad, but amazing. Talk about your bibliotherapy.... ( )

Pretty good read. Matt, through a VERY long letter to his little sister Emmy, recounts their years with their abusive mother. I found it to be very similar to A Child Called It and am sure people who liked that one would also enjoy this. I would have given it more stars, but I just didn't relate to the main character very well. ( )

This was one of my favorite books i have currently read this year. It was very quick to the point in the beginning and it made me have to think about what one of the main chararcters was going to do next. The story took place in a city where three children were trying to survive with an abusive mother named nikki. I loved this book because it was sad but up lifting when matt finally over came his horrible mom. ( )

(Review) (Opinion) ( )

I recommend this book to every teen looking for A Child Called It. It's a much lighter twist on children living with an abusive mother. This is a great story. Very well written, you can't help but feel like fighting for these children. Every attempt they make to get out of their crumby situation gets squashed by their psychotic mother until they are finally saved. ( )

A very tense read; I could not have kept going except that the narrator accounted for in the present everyone I cared about from his harrowing past. Made me want to have babies to protect. ( )

Matt retells the story of thier childhood to his younger sister Emmy. They have a verbally abusive and neglectful mom and no easy way out. ( )

Colter Brantz
EDCI 4120/5120

Werlin, Nancy. (2006). The rules of survival. New York: Speak.

Grade Levels: 8-10
Category: Realistic Fiction

Read-Alouds: 10-24 (Matt and Murdoch meet) 156-170 (to notice and to act) 252-264 (Matt faces Nikki)

Summary: Matt lives every day of his life with the fear that something bad will happen. His fear is based entirely in the relationship that he and his sisters have with their mother, Nikki. Nikki is a beautiful woman who is severely emotionally unstable, and the majority of her instability finds its release on her children. Early in the story Matt sees a man named Murdoch who Matt believes to be some sort of superhero that has come to save him and his sisters. After his encounter with Murdoch, Matt becomes obsessed with the idea of having him in his life, and his wish comes true when Murdoch begins dating Nikki. The relationship is short lived because Murdoch recognized the instability that is integral to Nikki’s personality, and he decides that it is in his best interest to leave. Later, Murdoch recognizes that the children are in danger because of Nikki’s personality, and he recognizes that nobody else has the courage to intervene. In the end, Murdoch forges an alliance with Matt’s father and Nikki’s sister, and they gain custody of the children. Nikki makes one last effort to kidnap Emmy, the youngest, and this is when Matt finally understands that he has the power to ensure his own survival.

Themes: The most predominant theme is the effect that mental and physical abuse has on children, especially in their formation of self-efficacy. Also, Werlin carefully points out how difficult it really is for someone outside the family to step in, even if they recognize that there is a problem. Last, kids who are abused deserve whatever aid people have the ability to give; it does not take a superhero, just a hero.
Discussion Questions:
What is the significance of Matt’s obsession with Murdoch? Is it a sign that mental instability is a part of him as well?
Why are the children left to fend for themselves? Why doesn’t anybody help? Ben? Bobbie?
What is your reaction to Matt’s encounter with Nikki in the dock yard? Is it better that Murdoch arrived, or would it have been better if he had not?

Reader Response: It is difficult to ignore the emotional power that this book has on its readers. Werlin presents a stark depiction of what it is like to grow up in a home with an abusive parent and no means for escape. I found it difficult to understand why none of the children in the story had any friends their own age. Does Werlin believe this to be the state of abused children, or do friends simply not fit into the narrative? Either way, it felt false and not in keeping with what I have seen to be true of abuse. That said, I appreciate Werlin’s ability to show just how much of the abused can be consumed by the abuser, and the only way out is to stand up, hopefully with the crutch of friendly support. ( )

Matthew, Callie, and Emmy are abused children. Matthew write a letter to Emmy the youngest and tells her how crazy their mother Nikki was. Matthew explained how there mothers ex-boyfriend, sister, and husband helped them escape their mother. I would recomnmend this book because it shows the struggles of a family and I think people would relate to it.
A.F.

Grade Levels: 7-9
Category: Realistic Fiction
Read-Alouds: pp. 24-29 (Seafood Paella); 56-59 (Chicken); 118-127 (Murdoch’s demons); 212-217 (Homecoming); 237-242 (Almost)

Summary:
Matt has learned the necessary skills to survive an abusive parent. He has learned to navigate his mother’s violent mood swings and stay out of her way. In addition to keeping himself safe, he also must watch over his two younger sisters and protect them from their mother’s wrath. Matt asks for help countless times, only to be turned down. They’ve finally got it down to a science when their mother meets someone who has the power to turn their lives around. Matt learns that everyone has a past as he watches Murdoch fight his own demons and make a final attempt to save the Walsh children from their mother.

Themes:
The prominent theme of the book is abuse. The manner in which Niki treats her children would be somewhat enlightening for readers as it seems that we always assume that all abusive situations are the same. Matt’s mother often acts in loving, and manic, ways toward her children which provides a more in-depth look at this serious issue. It is important for students to see the person as a whole, rather than focusing on her abusive behavior. The book provides a good opportunity for students to possibly identify with characters like themselves in literature, and also sheds light on a topic not typically covered in young adult literature.

Discussion Questions:
1. What reasons did you see for Niki’s behavior?
2. Why did it take Aunt Bobby so long to help?
3. In what ways are the kids, and others, negatively affected by abusive behavior?

Reader Response:
The story of Matt and his siblings was heart breaking. I was on the edge of my seat hoping that they would soon find salvation. I thought it very appropriate for younger audiences because it conveyed an abusive situation in a way that was not too scary for young readers. The book did not delve into the ramifications or personal struggles Matt or his sisters incurred as a result of the abuse they suffered. Including the children’s trials would be an especially key piece to make the book appropriate for older readers. It also left me feeling as though the story was incomplete because such an important component was missing from the story.

This is not my review, but this person said it better than I could.

“You looked at Callie and me from over our mother’s shoulder… I hoped you wouldn’t try to wriggle out of the embrace, because in fact our mother seemed to be in a good mood. She was humming. Cocaine? New man? There were a few possibilities, and I didn’t care which one it was. Maybe we’d have an okay evening.”
Those are the words of Matthew Walsh as he tells a story of survival to his youngest sister Emmy. Matthew has decided to write down the events as they happened so his sister can read them some day. She was so young at the time, he worries that she might not understand the details of their early life in the hands of an abusive mother.
Nancy Werlin writes a powerful novel, THE RULES OF SURVIVAL, about three children and their struggle to live normal lives surrounded by chaos and abuse. Their crazed mother Nikki, most likely bi-polar or manic-depressive, has created a topsy-turvy environment for her family. One day she’s treating them to a gigantic pancake feast at IHOP, and the next she disappears without a trace for days.
Matthew, Callie, and Emmy soldier on alone until help arrives in the form of a sympathetic boyfriend. He eventually enlists the help of Matthew and Callie’s father and their aunt to rescue the kids from the chaos. ( )

Matthew has always protected his sisters from the manic highs and lows of their beautiful but dangerous mother. The adults in his life provide no help from the protection from her violence. Matthew pins his hopes on Murdoch, a stranger who protected a child in a store, who miraculously starts dating Nikki. Murdoch provides Matthew's family with the first stability they have ever known. However, when Nikki's rages prove too much for Murdoch, Matthew is forced to act, and finds unlikely allies.
Nikki won't go without a fight though, and her actions force Matthew to a desperate choice.

Werlin is one of my favorite YA authors, and this book doesn't disappoint. It's to her credit that the structure of this book -- a letter from Matthew to his youngest sister -- doesn't detract from the suspense. While it might be unbeliveable that no one noticed the desperate situation Matthew is in before Murdoch, Werlin does a great job of painting a family in crisis, and putting the reader in the position of a young man in a terrible situation. ( )