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His needs, her needs (1986)

by Willard F. Harley, Jr.

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1,639137,618 (3.88)11
"In this classic bestseller Willard F. Harley, Jr., identifies the ten most vital needs of men and women and shows husbands and wives how to satisfy those needs in their spouses. He provides guidance for becoming irresistible to your spouse and for loving more creatively and sensitively, thereby eliminating the problems that often lead to extramarital affairs" --Cover, p. 2.… (more)

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» See also 11 mentions

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This book is largely about preventing or recovering from an affair. Lest you say that this doesn't apply to "me", he points out that a person (even a person with solid religious belief, and firm moral conviction) may be tempted into an affair, seduced by a "relationship built upon fantasy, not reality." In addition, by meeting the needs of your spouse, and by having your needs met, you will transform your marriage into something wonderful. It is also well written. Now, on to the basics of the book:


"The Man's five most basic needs in marriage tend to be:
1. Sexual fulfillment
2. Recreational companionship
3. An attractive spouse
4. Domestic support
5. Admiration"
(Page 12)

He writes "tend to be" because this is what he typically finds. To determine your preferences and those of your spouse, there is a questionnaire at the back, and if that isn't enough, more are available at his web site.

"The woman's five most basic needs in marriage tend to be:
1. Affection
2. Conversation
3. Honesty and openness
4. Financial Support
5. Family commitment"
(Page 13)

"The first cause of conflict, failure to care and the second , failure to protect." ... This book addresses the failure to care - the failure to meet each other's most important emotional needs. ... failure to protect is the subject of a companion book I've written, Love Busters: Overcoming the Habits that Destroy Romantic Live. (Page 9-10)


Chapters
1. How Affair Proof is Your Marriage?
2. Why Your Love Bank Never Closes
3. The Fist Thing She Can't Do Without - Affection (1)
4. The First Thing He Can't Do Without - Sexual Fulfillment (1)
5. She Needs Him to Talk to Her - Conversation (2)
6. He Needs Her to Be His Playmate - Recreational Companionship (2)
7. She Need to Trust Him Totally - Honesty and Openness (3)
8. He Needs a Good-looking Wife - An Attractive Spouse (3)
9. She Needs Enough Money to Live Comfortably - Financial Support (4)
10. He Needs Peace and Quite - Domestic Support (4)
11. She Needs Him to Be a Good Father - Family Commitment (5)
12. He Needs Her to Be Proud of Him - Admiration (5)
13. How to Survive an Affair
14. From Incompatible to Irresistible
Appendix: Analysis of Emotional Needs
Questionnaires

His web site is a lot more than the typical advertisement. There is a lot of meat on this site.
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/index.html

This page describe the love bank concept.
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html

Wow, no point in me trying to write much of a summary. Here it is:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_summary.html ( )
  bread2u | Jul 1, 2020 |
An apologia for chauvinism [really], in the end. 'nuf said?

If you're married to one, working for one, or want to marry, or work for one you may find this read to be helpful.

If you've had enough of that sh!t already, then this book will just p!ss you off.


( )
  nkmunn | Nov 17, 2018 |
Great book for married couples and or those wanting to get married to each other; ( )
  longhorndaniel | Jul 19, 2017 |
Reviewed on The Light Network
  coldwaterchurch | Feb 4, 2017 |
All you can do is work things out ( )
  PBreaux | Jul 3, 2016 |
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To JOYCE - My one and only
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[Preface] Marital conflict is created one of two ways: (1) Couples FAIL TO MAKE each other HAPPY, or (2) couples make each other UNHAPPY.
I'd like to address married people who want to be happily married.
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"In this classic bestseller Willard F. Harley, Jr., identifies the ten most vital needs of men and women and shows husbands and wives how to satisfy those needs in their spouses. He provides guidance for becoming irresistible to your spouse and for loving more creatively and sensitively, thereby eliminating the problems that often lead to extramarital affairs" --Cover, p. 2.

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