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When Clowns Attack: A Survival Guide by…

When Clowns Attack: A Survival Guide

by Chuck Sambuchino

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Plus there's no way you can slather greasepaint on your cheeks day by day and not start to think about it as war paint. And when war paint goes on the face, things can get violent real fast.

I received this book from netgalley in exchange for an honest review. I didn't know what to expect going in, figuring it was some sort of humor book - which it is. I never thought it would be so incredibly involved - every piece of costume is disected on a clown's evil meaning, every type of face paint, every form of clown, different locations you can find clowns, a list of famous clowns (Krusty from the Simpsons, Pennywise, Ronald McDonald, Joker, John Wayne Gacy).

It's amusing and hyper paranoid. The book ends with chapters on weapons against clowns, weapons THEY have, and goes on for awhile.

While cute, it's hard to hold interest for a full book. This is more of a gag gift for those who are afraid of clowns and want to laugh at themselves. It's not a serious book that actually examines true fear of clowns, although some of that is in there too. Kudos to the author for being so indepth with all angles of clown disaster, even if some of the jokes are carried too far. ( )
  ErinPaperbackstash | Jun 14, 2016 |
This was a very quick, entertaining read. But readers beware, the content should not be treated lightly, this is a very serious survival guide that should be kept on your person at all time. "When Clowns Attack" by Chuck Sambuchino is a how-to book that will help any and everyone aiming to steer clear of the Clown Cartel. This handy guide is broken down into 4 major chapters.

1.) ASSESS, in the opening chapter the reader will learn why Clowns frighten people, also this chapter touches briefly on the mental instability of the Clown.

2.) ANALYZE, here the reader will discover the many types of Clown, their trademarks and how to avoid if needed. The reader will also learn about Clown anatomy and the communication and lingo.

3.) DEFEND, in this chapter the readers will learn how to defend against a single Clown or a posse. Their methods of attack and their weapons of choice. This is by far the most important chapter in "When Clowns Attack."

4.) PROTECT, this is the final chapter that will ultimately help spare you the burden of being rolled by a Clown or even a posse. How to spot "Plain Clothes Clowns" and telltale signs that a friend, neighbor or even family member is in fact a Clown.

Below I would like to share some of my favorite and most thought provoking quotes from this survival guide, as follows:

"Clowns seem impervious to pain or injury. Clowns get hit on the head with a mallet, attacked down the pants with fire extinguishers, and slammed in the face with countless pies in metal tins, only to remain...perfectly functional. This isn't slapstick humor; it's borderline superpowers. But since there's no such thing as superpowers, we must naturally assume this comes from ingesting PCP, a narcotic known to dull the nerves an cause users to feel no sensation, even when breaking a bone" [Chapter 1: ASSESS, Page 9]

"WHITE SHOES are worn only by Clown godfathers. The white shoe was first introduced by the Clownfather Gondola in the 1970's in Philadelphia; the symbolism was that his shoes were always immaculate because "nothing could touch him." [Chapter 2: ANALYZE, Page 49]

"OVERSIZE MALLET: Self-explanatory. One direct blow to your dome, and your clown-fighting days are over. [Chapter 3: DEFEND, Page 77]

"ANY IMAGE OF ST. GENESIUS. If you see this saint on a home or office wall, be on high alert. He is the patron saint of Clowns, and his presence signals that you're within stilts reach of a crazy joker. [Chapter 4: PROTECT, Page 111]

As the reader makes their way through this guide, they will notice the myriad of full-colored photographs littering the pages as a far warning to stay away from Circuses, Carnivals any brightly painted building with the words FUN HOUSE painted on the outside.


Mors est nebulo ( )
  Joseph_Stelmaszek | Nov 29, 2015 |
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