Semi-autobiographical first hand account of a borderline sociopath who is completely self obsessed and not remotely self-aware.

Well okay, the main character is a piece of sh*t, but that's true of a lot of great novels.
It is written very simply -I thought at first maybe it was a bad translation from another language- but I liked the style once I got used to it.
It's a good length.
When I wasn't holding back the urge to fling it across the room or burn it it was pretty enjoyable. It's interesting to try and understand the thought process behind someone doing something like this. But I can't help but feel that the vast majority of humans have more emotional depth than this character, and that the motivations for leaving a family must be far more complex for a proper human being.

.
.
.
.
.
For example:

He says that he has to be the one to leave. As if his wife were incapable of running away. As if her staying with the children was the result of being trapped in some kind of cage, rather than a choice she made every day which he was eventually too weak to make.

He says that he did her a favor by cheating on her as it allowed him to stay with her longer. But he started cheating before their first son was born, so if he had been honest from the start she wouldn't have had children with someone more interested in his own convenience than anything else on earth.

His insights into his own culture and the time he grew up are shallow and empty. Everything is a game to him. Everything is about being accepted, admired. There is no sign at any point of a real connection with another human being. The son was of no interest until he was old enough to begin to worship the father.


He is a coward, because it suits him.

For example:

He is too intimidated to talk to her and explain why he's leaving. He knows he can make it easier for her but instead he makes it easier for himself.
Too selfish to sew the seeds of friendship with his wife which could allow the separation to be less stressful for his children, for all of them.




( )

"Without love, most of life remains concealed. Nothing is as fascinating as love"

'Intimacy' is about adult dissatisfaction and takes the form of the narrator's, Jay, extended meditation on the disintegration of his marriage. The book opens with the line ''It is the saddest night, for I am leaving and not coming back.'' and Jay goes on to explain why he is abandoning Susan, his wife, and their two young sons, aged 5 and 3 and goes on to expound his views on monogamy, parenthood, unhappiness and, of course, intimacy.

Jay is a screenwriter living in a comfortable house in London with his family but he has come dissatisfied with his life and in particular Susan who is the complete antithesis of his girlfriend, Nina, who wears ''cheap, light, hippie clothes'' and would ''go any distance for a rave.''

Jay seeks counsel from two friends who represent polarising philosophies. Victor, a divorcee, living in a shabby apartment, a hectic social life and a string of sexual conquests. Asif, a married man who adores his wife and children and despite marital differences wouldn't dream of abandoning it. It is a cot at Victor's place that Jay will move on to.

There is a certain humour in Jay's ruminations but sadly I found him shallow and charmless. For all his obsessive thinking, he understands very little. He is a misogynist who seems incapable of realising that it his own behaviour that has caused the rift in his marriage, making both himself and Susan unhappy in the process. In the end I felt whether or not Jay left Susan became irrelevant. ''I have been trying to convince myself that leaving someone isn't the worst thing you can do to them,'' he says. In Jay's case, it would probably be the best she would be far better off in the long run without him.

"Love cannot be measured by its duration."

So what did I make of the book? Frankly not much. Like Jay it felt shallow, self-indulgent and insubstantial. I felt that the author wanted to shock and titillate rather than be what the blurb seems to suggest, "the most astute and painful dissection of male sexual restlessness". On the plus side my copy was only 155 pages long which I was swiftly able to get through. I suspect that this is something of a marmite book, you will either love or hate it, but personally I cannot understand quite why this book is on the 1001 list because I am sure that there are far better books of a similar vein out there. ( )

While there are many books about love and romance, there are but few books about the end of a love affair, and even if, not with such intimate detail. Such a book is Intimacy.

Jay and Susan were not married, but together since their student days, some 20-odd years, raising two children. For Jay, their relationship is nothing but a drag. There are quarrels, and there is no longer any sexual attraction, probably mutually, as Jay is quite aghast looking at himself in the mirror, viewing his big, hairy belly and the shrimp below it.

Jay has been pondering to leave Susan, and move into a friend's place for a while, but is clearly hesitating. Over the course of a day he evaluates his relation with Susan, going over many intimate details.

Not being married, walking out on Susan is a damned easy thing to do. Jay's agony is all rather self-indulgent. The story is entirely told from Jay's point of view, but readers will find it easy to sympathize with Susan and the children. ( )

Kureishi is a great writer. The structure of the story was clever. Jay is a childish, self-centred, selfish, trivial, annoying, tedious, rude arsehole. Susan is better off without him. ( )

لماذا يتزوج الرجل من امراة لا يحبها وينجب منهااطفال؟

لماذا يتزوج الرجل متعدد العلاقات؟

هذا هو السؤال الذى تبادر الى ذهنى وانا اقرا هذه الرواية

قريشى يصور سوزان بطلة الرواية كوحش متبلد المشاعر باردة فاقدة للاحاسيس

ويعترف انه لم يحبها ولكنه تزوجها

"
لم تكن من النوع الذى يثير اعجابى لكنى كنت واثقا من ان ثمة شيئا فيها يدخل المتعة الى نفسى كنت اود ان اتوقف عن رؤيتها لبضعة اشهر كى انساها ربما يمكننى عندها ان ارى كيف تبدو عن بعد
"


ويطلب منك ان تتعاطف مع ماساته وهذا ما لم يحدث

كيف يمكن ان يكون رجل يترك زوجته وطفليه
ساعيا لعلاقة مع فتاة اخرى
ضحية؟

لم يفرض عليه احد هذا الاختيار

علاقته مع طفليه ايضا شاذة

وتدل على عقلية مريضة وانسان غير سوى

"
كنت اثناء ذلك اقرا عدة كتب عن تربية الاطفال غالبا فى الساعات الاولى وعلى اصابعى غائط او قىء وفى احدى المرات القيت به فوق مهده واصيب راسه
كنت اضع براندى فى حليبه كنت اركله بقوة فوق حفاضته حتى قبل ان يتمكن من المشى كيف يمكن للاطفال ان يجعلونا نشعر بالعجز الكامل
"

الرواية لم ترق لى
اراها مملة و مستفزة

بعيدا عن الرواية


ما هى معايير

اختيار الشريك والارتباط به

ام انه ليس هناك معايير من الاساس

قد تكون قصة حب فاشلة لم تكتمل بالزواج

تدفع الرجل ان
يترك من احب
فهو
لن يعيش حياة سعيدة في ظل معارضة اهله


الرجل الشرقي غالبا ما يتزوج من امراة لا يحبها
لماذا؟


يترك حبه
نهبا للذكريات
ويسعى واهما باحثا عن
السعادة بالزواج التقليدي


مقولة

ان الحب بييجى بعد الجواز و العشره

هى سبب فشل كثير من العلاقات

اما ما هو غير قابل للتصديق
ولكنه حقيقى
ان يرتبط الرجل بفتاة لا يحبها

فالرجل هو من يختار من يريد الارتباط بها وهو يستطيع الموافقه والرفض فلماذا يقدم بكامل قواه العقلية على ان يظلم فتاة ذنبها الوحيد هو انها صدقت كذبه عن مدى حبه لها

افة من افات

مجتمعاتنا المتخلفه
الكذب والخداع


تتعرض المرأة للظلم
باستمرار
سواء بان

يخونها الرجل او ان يتزوج بامراة اخرى


وهى دائما وابدا متهمة بالتقصير

وحتى لو لم تقصر هناك مسوغ دينى لكل
اذى اوضرر يلحقه الرجل بالمراة

والرد الطبيعى

هو
"
بس الإسلام ، حلل للرجل أربعة
"
هل فرض الاسلام على الرجل ان يتزوج باربعة
ام اعطاه هذا الحق فى صورة رخصة
وشدد على انه لن يعدل
فلماذا تشويه الدين؟


عندما سالتنى احدى صديقاتى لماذا تركها زوجها ليتزوج اخرى اجبتها

بان من

يعطي الحب لمن لايستحق لا ينتظر فى المقابل الا الغدر






بعض الخواطر بالعامية


لو افترضنا جدلا قياسا على الرواية

ان واحدة اجوزت واحد ما بتحبوش
وبعدين قابلت حد تانى وحبته وطلبت من جوزها انه يطلقها

ايه الى هيحصل

لو جوزها طلقها ومموتهاش

هيقولها انها قليلة الادب ومش متربية

حتى لو
ما فيش اى حاجة حصلت مجرد انها مش قادرة
تخون جوزها بمشاعرها

ولو افترضنا ان الى هى حبته
كان بيحبها

تفتكروا هيجوزها
لا طبعا هيقولها انتى خاينة
وذى ما سيبتى جوزك
هتسيبينى

لكن لو الموقف معكوس
طبعا هو راجل يعنى يعمل الى هو عايزه
والزوجة الجديدة
هتتفنن ازاى ما تقصرش ذى القديمة ما قصرت وعمرها ما هتشوفه خاين للعشرة
صح؟





لما تسال الولاد ليه سيبت خطيبتك؟

واحد يقول انا سيبتها لان على طول بتقول حاضر ونعم وبتسمع كلامى فى كل حاجة

ما لهاش شخصية

التانى يقول دى فاكره نفسها ند ليا


والبنات متلطمة بينهم
ليه البنت ما تبطلش تفكر فى الجواز خالص
وما تعتبروش هدفها فى الحياة


ليه ما بتحترمش نفسها وما ترضاش باى اهانة سواء فى الخطوبة او الجواز؟

معظم الولاد الى هى بتبصلهم على انهم الهة وبتموت نفسها عشان ترضيهم شوية عيال هايفة

مامته بتجره من ودانه وتقوله انت كبرت يا ابنى ولازم نجوزك
فتروح هى تختار البنت وتجوزهاله ورجلة فوق رقبته
ليه؟

هو بيوافق ما عرفش
ممكن تكون سلطة راس المال الى عند الاهل
ممكن هو متعود انه لازم تكون فى واحدة تانية بدل ماما تعمله السندوتشات
فماما اكيد ادرى بمصلحته


ازاى واحد تافه ذى دا ولسه ما اتفطمش
يخلى بنت تلف حوالين نفسها
وتدخل على منتديات
ازاى تخلى جوزك يحبك

"

انشاله عنه ما حبك يا شيخة"

او ازاى
تكونى حلوة فى عين جوزك بردو
فعلا؟
طب ما تكونى حلوة لنفسك

والمنتديات الى هتفرقع من الوصفات يا ريت البنات
تبطل تدور فى فلك راجل
هى اهم من كدا بكتير
ربنا والله ما خلقش الستات عشان يعبدوا الرجالة





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