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Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, Second… (original 2002; edition 2011)

by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler

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1,892243,624 (3.93)9
Member:tyelmene
Title:Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, Second Edition
Authors:Kerry Patterson
Other authors:Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler
Info:McGraw-Hill (2011), Edition: 2, Paperback, 288 pages
Collections:Your library
Rating:****
Tags:dialogue, influence, KINDLE

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Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High by Kerry Patterson (2002)

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Showing 1-5 of 23 (next | show all)
I first read this book in 2008. It was given to me as part of a leadership seminar I attended through work. I wasn't too fond of the book.

It's longer than it needs to be, a good portion of the book is common sense, it creates silly jargon and refers back to little trite anecdotes over, and over, and over.

I reread it a few years later, and I got the newer edition from the library and I reread it this year.

All of the downsides of this book are still there. It's still longer than it needs to be, has a good amount of information that seemingly anyone reaching adulthood would already know, they still create silly management theory jargon, and refers to Kevin and other anecdotes over and over and over.

On the other hand, ten years later, I've worked in more teams, and been in more types of situations. I've worked with people who certainly don't know the information in this book, and I dread working with them. Regarding length--most people can skim and read books like this faster than something dense and heavy. The silly management theory jargon is an artifact of this being part of paid leadership training--fun jargony phrases lend themselves to printouts and documentation they can share to look smart and prepared. The same goes for the anecdata aspect of this.

On the other hand, ten years later, I can unequivocally say that there is useful information in here, potentially even essential information here on how to deal with those emotional conversations where there are multiple sides and high stakes. ( )
  adamwolf | Apr 26, 2017 |
This book is very useful. It provides lots of help in learning to have difficult conversations. Following some of the suggestions has made me a better communicator already. ( )
  Pferdina | Nov 12, 2016 |
"Why would a reasonable and rational person behave the way X's behaving?"

It's been nearly four months since I finished this book and, sadly, I'm no longer able to lucidly explain what this book is about; i.e., 'what's it about?' is one Crucial Conversation I can't, at this time, hold. Let me say, though, that one line from the book has remained with me. It is: whenever another person offends you, puzzles you, attacks you, betrays you, surprises you, etc., ask yourself: why would a perfectly sane and rational person behave this way?

Or as Gordon Lightfoot puts it, "If you could read my mind, Love, what a tale my thoughts would tell."

I've found that asking myself this question -- i.e., "Why would a perfectly sane and rational..." -- in the last four months, has opened up for me whole vistas of insight into other people's experiences and motives. I've found that I don't get so upset anymore. The phrase, 'What an idiot!,' doesn't show up so much anymore in my daily transcripts. Am I glad I read CC? Yes. This book makes a great companion to both Crucial Confrontations and Anatomy of Peace. ( )
  evamat72 | Mar 31, 2016 |
While the strategies presented in this books are worth considering, I found myself struggling with the writing style. The authors kept extolling the virtues of their strategies, how "great" they are, and how much they will change your life. It felt a bit like reading an infomercial. The numerous examples felt half formed. The strategies presented seemed like common sense, but there was very little evidence beyond anecdotes to proved their effectiveness. There were only 5 citations in the book, despite multiple areas where references could/should be added. It is possible I just struggle with the genre of business books that feel more like an infomercial than good research. I will try to be more conscious about using the strategies in the book, but reading it was a slog for me. ( )
  EllsbethB | Mar 19, 2016 |
I highly recommend this book not only for the business world, but for your personal life as well. I can definitely say that having a whole faculty read this book has made it easier to talk to people, to contribute to the pool of meaning and be understood. ( )
1 vote TeachesNTennies | Oct 30, 2015 |
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» Add other authors (6 possible)

Author nameRoleType of authorWork?Status
Kerry Pattersonprimary authorall editionscalculated
Grenny, JosephAuthormain authorall editionsconfirmed
McMillan, RonAuthormain authorall editionsconfirmed
Switzler, AlAuthormain authorall editionsconfirmed
Covey, Stephen R.Forewordsecondary authorall editionsconfirmed
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We dedicate this book to Louise, Celia, Bonnie, and Linda—whose support is abundant, whose love is nourishing, and whose patience is just shy of infinite. And to our children Christine, Rebecca, Taylor, Scott, Aislinn, Cara, Seth, Samuel, Hyrum, Amber, Megan, Chase, Hayley, Bryn, Amber, Laura, Becca, Rachael, Benjamin, Meridith, Lindsey, Kelley, Todd who have been a wonderful source of learning.
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In perhaps the most revealing of all the health-related studies, a group of subjects who had contracted malignant melanoma received traditional treatment and then were divided into two groups. One group met weekly for only six weeks; the other did not. Facilitators taught the first group of recovering patients specific communication skills. (When it's your life that's at stake, could anything be more crucial?)

After meeting only six times and then dispersing for five years, the subjects who learned how to express themselves effectively had a higher survival rate--only 9 percent succumbed as opposed to almost 30 percent in the untrained group.
People who are skilled at dialogue do their best to make it safe for everyone to add their meaning to the shared pool—even ideas that at first glance appear controversial, wrong, or at odds with their own beliefs. Now, obviously they don't agree with every idea; they simply do their best to ensure that all ideas find their way into the open.
The Pool of Shared Meaning is the birthplace of synergy
Second, clarify what you really don't want. This is the key to framing the and question. Think of what you are afraid will happen to you if you back away from your current strategy of trying to win or stay safe. What bad thing will happen if you stop pushing so hard? Or if you don't try to escape? What horrible outcome makes game-playing an attractive and sensible option?
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Amazon.com Product Description (ISBN 0071401946, Paperback)

Learn how to keep your cool and get the results you want when emotions flare.

When stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong, you have three choices: Avoid a crucial conversation and suffer the consequences; handle the conversation badly and suffer the consequences; or read Crucial Conversations and discover how to communicate best when it matters most. Crucial Conversations gives you the tools you need to step up to life's most difficult and important conversations, say what's on your mind, and achieve the positive resolutions you want. You'll learn how to:

Prepare for high-impact situations with a six-minute mastery technique Make it safe to talk about almost anything Be persuasive, not abrasive Keep listening when others blow up or clam up Turn crucial conversations into the action and results you want

Whether they take place at work or at home, with your neighbors or your spouse, crucial conversations can have a profound impact on your career, your happiness, and your future. With the skills you learn in this book, you'll never have to worry about the outcome of a crucial conversation again.

(retrieved from Amazon Thu, 12 Mar 2015 18:12:36 -0400)

(see all 4 descriptions)

A seven-step approach to handling difficult conversations with confidence and skill. "Crucial" conversations are interpersonal exchanges at work or at home that we dread having but know we cannot avoid. How do you say what needs to be said while avoiding an argument with a boss, child, or relationship partner? This book offers readers a proven seven-point strategy for achieving their goals in all those emotionally, psychologically, or legally charged situations that can arise in their professional and personal lives. Based on the authors' DialogueSmart training seminars, the techniques are geared toward getting people to lower their defenses, creating mutual respect and understanding, increasing emotional safety, and encouraging freedom of expression. Among other things, readers also learn about the four main factors that characterize crucial conversations, and they get a six-minute mastery technique that prepares them to work through any high-impact situation with confidence.--From publisher description.… (more)

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