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Lost Deep Thoughts: Don't Fight the Deepness…
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Lost Deep Thoughts: Don't Fight the Deepness

by Jack Handey

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1990s (1) 3169 (1) Ally (1) American (1) Box 12 (1) collection (1) comedy (1) F (1) fiction (2) first edition (1) humor (25) Jack Handey (2) joke (1) lol (1) Madison (1) non-fiction (1) read (5) Saturday Night Live (2) softcover (1) television (1) UK (1)
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To Beverly Marble, My Mom
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If you lose your job, your marriage and your mind all in one week, try to lose your mind first, because then the other stuff won't matter that much.
Quotations
For me, the worst thing about having King Kong walk down your street is that kids could look up and see the giant genitalia.
If you're ever giving a speech, when you start out, act nervous and get mixed up a little bit. Then, as you go along, get better and better. Then, at the end, give off a white, glowing light and have rays shoot out of you.
Instead of a regular arm, Carl had been born with a pigeon's wing. The odd thing was, all through his life, no one had ever laughed at his wing -- not even the mean kids at school. Then one day he realized why: He looked in the mirror and saw that HE WAS A PIGEON! He shit right there, as he often did, wherever he was.
When I think of all the hours and hours of my life I have spent watching television, it makes me realize, Man, I am really rich with television.
If a kid ever asks you how Santa Claus can live forever, I think a good answer is that he drinks blood.
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