favorite review was in the London Times book section: Portrait of a what? ( )

A Passionate Affair within an Unconventional Marriage

Interestingly, in her tribute and spoof of her dear friend Vita Sackville-West, Virginia Woolf framed the questions that Nigel Nicolson attempted answering by surrounding his mother's confession of her affair with Violet Trefusis with his own apologia for her various affairs. Toward the end of Orlando, Woolf placed these thoughts in the mind of Vita's personification, Lady Orlando: "She was married, true; but if one's husband was always sailing round Cape Horn, was it marriage? If one liked him, was it marriage? And finally, if one still wished, more than anything in the whole world, to write poetry, was it marriage?" She answered, "She had her doubts."

Of course, Woolf was writing fiction and a humorous tribute, a well as a send up of Victorian biography, so she probably didn't believe her answer, and certainly Vita, Harold, and Nigel didn't. Doubtless, Nigel's parents had a decidedly unconventional marriage. It was a marriage, though, and something of a perfect one for them, one conducted much times at a distance, in obsessive letter writing, often from necessity as Harold Nicolson served as a diplomat until 1929 and then as a politician and writer, and laced on both sides with homosexual affairs. Vita and Harold wrote constantly, both producing numerous highly regarded works of fiction, criticism, she poetry, as well as diaries, and Vita's gardening books (the National Trust now owns and maintains their second home Sissinghurst Castle and its gardens, a passion they shared). And writing, by its nature, is a solitary profession.

In A Portrait of a Marriage, Vita works out her own feelings about her just concluding affair with Violet Trefusis, an impassioned three-year romp through England and over Europe that came within a hare's breath of ruining her marriage; that would have sunk any ordinary marriage if not for upper class social convention (ironically, what she and Violet professed to be rebelling against), strong-willed mothers, and an almost unbelievably tolerant and loving husband. She came to understand fully Harold's love for her and her for him, and suffered and wrote of her guilt for tormenting him.

That is the crux of A Portrait of a Marriage: in their own ways, Vita and Harold loved each other. It may not have been a conventional love or marriage; nonetheless, the foundation of their relationship was love and respect for each other. Nigel brings out their love in what must have been a difficult assignment for a son.

Highly recommended to be read with an open mind. For more on Vita, an ever-fascinating woman, read the standard biography by Victoria Glendinning, Vita: The Life of V. Sackville-West. For more on her affair with Violet Trefusis, who became a fine writer herself, see Professor Mitchell A. Leaska's introduction to Violet to Vita: The Letters of Violet Trefusis to Vita Sackville-West, 1910-1921. And do read Vita's works, still worthy of your attention.

Finally, a picture is worth a thousands words. This edition contains perhaps my favorite photo of Vita and Harold. They are on their way to the Scott hearing (Vita's mother's contested inheritance of a fortune from Sir John Murray "Seery" Scott) on July 4, 1913, where Vita is to present testimony. A paparazzi of the era snapped it a few months preceding her marriage to Harold on October 1, 1913. From left to right, are Harold, a very great space, Vita tightly next to Rosamund Grosvenor, then Lord Sackville slightly ahead. Nothing special you might say, except that Rosamund and Vita were lovers, though few viewing the photo at the time would have known. ( )

A Passionate Affair within an Unconventional Marriage

Interestingly, in her tribute and spoof of her dear friend Vita Sackville-West, Virginia Woolf framed the questions that Nigel Nicolson attempted answering by surrounding his mother's confession of her affair with Violet Trefusis with his own apologia for her various affairs. Toward the end of Orlando, Woolf placed these thoughts in the mind of Vita's personification, Lady Orlando: "She was married, true; but if one's husband was always sailing round Cape Horn, was it marriage? If one liked him, was it marriage? And finally, if one still wished, more than anything in the whole world, to write poetry, was it marriage?" She answered, "She had her doubts."

Of course, Woolf was writing fiction and a humorous tribute, a well as a send up of Victorian biography, so she probably didn't believe her answer, and certainly Vita, Harold, and Nigel didn't. Doubtless, Nigel's parents had a decidedly unconventional marriage. It was a marriage, though, and something of a perfect one for them, one conducted much times at a distance, in obsessive letter writing, often from necessity as Harold Nicolson served as a diplomat until 1929 and then as a politician and writer, and laced on both sides with homosexual affairs. Vita and Harold wrote constantly, both producing numerous highly regarded works of fiction, criticism, she poetry, as well as diaries, and Vita's gardening books (the National Trust now owns and maintains their second home Sissinghurst Castle and its gardens, a passion they shared). And writing, by its nature, is a solitary profession.

In A Portrait of a Marriage, Vita works out her own feelings about her just concluding affair with Violet Trefusis, an impassioned three-year romp through England and over Europe that came within a hare's breath of ruining her marriage; that would have sunk any ordinary marriage if not for upper class social convention (ironically, what she and Violet professed to be rebelling against), strong-willed mothers, and an almost unbelievably tolerant and loving husband. She came to understand fully Harold's love for her and her for him, and suffered and wrote of her guilt for tormenting him.

That is the crux of A Portrait of a Marriage: in their own ways, Vita and Harold loved each other. It may not have been a conventional love or marriage; nonetheless, the foundation of their relationship was love and respect for each other. Nigel brings out their love in what must have been a difficult assignment for a son.

Highly recommended to be read with an open mind. For more on Vita, an ever-fascinating woman, read the standard biography by Victoria Glendinning, Vita: The Life of V. Sackville-West. For more on her affair with Violet Trefusis, who became a fine writer herself, see Professor Mitchell A. Leaska's introduction to Violet to Vita: The Letters of Violet Trefusis to Vita Sackville-West, 1910-1921. And do read Vita's works, still worthy of your attention.

Finally, a picture is worth a thousands words. This edition contains perhaps my favorite photo of Vita and Harold. They are on their way to the Scott hearing (Vita's mother's contested inheritance of a fortune from Sir John Murray "Seery" Scott) on July 4, 1913, where Vita is to present testimony. A paparazzi of the era snapped it a few months preceding her marriage to Harold on October 1, 1913. From left to right, are Harold, a very great space, Vita tightly next to Rosamund Grosvenor, then Lord Sackville slightly ahead. Nothing special you might say, except that Rosamund and Vita were lovers, though few viewing the photo at the time would have known. ( )

Like many people I first heard of Vita Sackville-West when reading about Virginia Woolf and their relationship. Sackville-West was a poet, author, gardener, and someone who, quietly, lived outside the norms of society. Her marriage to Sir Harold Nicolson remained open, but only to women. Portrait of a Marriage is part autobiography and part biography. It was inspired by a journal, Vita's son, Nigel Nicolson, found among her possessions after her death.

Nicolson presents Portrait of a Marriage in five sections. Sections one and three are the complete journal left by Vita. Sections two and four are written by Nigel and support Vit's writing with other first and second-hand accounts. They include letters from Vita's lovers as well as letters and note from family and her husband. Vita's teenage to adult relationship with Rosamund Grosvenor (which ended when Grosvenor married) and centers mostly on her relationship with Violet Trefusis. The last section is again written by Nigel and includes the Virginia Woolf affair and more on family matters.

Portrait of a Marriage provides a unique look at relationships and marriages in a time that we think as more conservative than today. Same sex relationships and even the questioning of gender roles are examined in their time period. Vita does say that she thought of herself as a boy growing up. In Passenger to Teheran, a memoir of her travel to Iran to reunite with her husband, she does not reveal her sex until the very end of the book. It has the sense of reading a male account of travel. Aside from its importance as a biography, it is also important as part of the LGTBQ history.

Vita Sackville-West is an interesting read even when writes a journal. It is difficult to rate a book that is a journal. It is the writer's actual thoughts at the time and not meant to be a published work. Without a doubt, Sackville-West excels even in this format. Nigel Nicolson compiles supporting evidence. Credit must be giving to Nigel Nicolson on several accounts. First, it is his mother he is writing about and at the time, his mother’s and even his (published in 1973) her orientation was not accepted. Secondly, Nicolson waited to publish this book until all members who are in it were dead. He did not try to sensationalize his mother or her lovers or embarrass family members. It is very tastefully done. I have read a few of Vita Sackville-West’s books in the past mostly as a spinoff on reading Virginia Woolf. However, Vita Sackville-West is worthy of reading and study in her own right. A remarkable woman who is underrated in our time.


(personal book that I own and read not for review) ( )

Nigel Nicolson beschrijft het huwelijk van zijn ouders aan de hand van de autobiografie die Vita Sackville West schreef toen ze 28 was. In die biografie speelt haar relatie met Violet een belangrijke rol. De beschrijving daarvan doet soms puberaal aan. Indrukwekkender vond ik het commentaar van Nigel, de zoon van Vita en Harold. Hij beschrijft het liefdevolle huwelijk van zijn ouders, waarin seks een marginale rol speelt. Trouw aan elkaar is belangrijker, maar niet in seksuele zin. Ik vond het boek soms was langdradig, maar het was toch mooi om te lezen. ( )