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Taking the Gardener by T.J. Masters
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Taking the Gardener

by T.J. Masters

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A Hearts On Fire Review

Before we begin, do me a favor? Think of the most cheesiest porno (don't act like you haven't watched one) you've ever seen. Think about some out of date dialogue, the bad acting and creepy actions.

Are you there yet? Have we set the mood?

Good.

Now cue the bad porno music.

The blurb for "Taking the Gardener" promises a grieving "Dom" named Eric who couldn't handle his parents death that he runs away to small town for an open-ended vacation. He's 28, retired and one of the most famous "Doms" in Europe. He's on "top" of the world. And apparently he is irresistible because he sets his sights on the vacation home's straight affianced gardener, the young, nubile country boy Tom.

Sounds like a wet dream, right? Or the set up for one sexy read. Not! This story was not supposed to be funny nor fantasy based but it felt like I walked into the land of the absurd.

You see in this fantasy world (or real world for Eric & Tom *shrug*), Doms are as "masterly" as exclamation points, subs direct what will go down for the scenes for their "Master" and BDSM is described as role play (actually quoted by the resident master Dom, Eric. (*epic eye roll*)

Here in "Taking the Gardener" the term "sexy lad" are the epic seductive words and can make a 'straight' man change his ways. (I hate that term BTW) The "sexy" dialogue was outdated at times. Granted there's a lot of sex and it was hot in a PWP kind of way but this is a novel, so hence the issue.

Eric came across as an arrogant jerk. He keeps saying he is dominant and yelled a lot. So that's what it takes to become a Dom? You just yell and repeat the same phrases like "sexy lad" or "suck it!" Please.

Tom as a submissive? If you could only hear my snort over the screen. I do not believe their love. At best Tom just got a taste of chocolate in his vanilla world and fell for the person who introduced him to the gay sex he's always fantasized about.

Also there was no warning about the multiple partners and double penetration scene. How can one believe this supposed to be romance when they are screwing a town homophobe in a three-way? Yes, they deal with homophobes by bending them over and treating them to some spit roasting action.

*sigh*

And these two are so sexy, these sexy lads they are. *gag* Tom's female fiance, Megan catches them and what does she exclaim?!

"You just couldn't keep it in the bedroom, could you?"

Are you kidding me?!!!!!

And then the kicker is after everyone finds out about Tom and Eric are cheating/ "Master" & "Slave" (LMAO), Megan's father said he wouldn't be able to resist a "sexy lad" like Eric either if he were in Tom's shoes.

I'm not going to get into the weird multiple partners or creepy feel or the non-research of what BDSM really is. Alright, it was a failure all around but at least my lungs got a good work out.

If you like BDSM, not the fake vanilla sex with weak rough-like play and over abundant exclamation point abuse that takes place in this novel, do not even waste your time. Trust me on this one. It's horrific and cringe worthy.

Don't do it.
" ( )
  SheReadsALot | Jun 20, 2016 |
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