Hilarious book about ninjas, or more appropriately, about a boy who thinks he knows about ninjas, who are apparently super-pumped choppers of heads that the ladies really dig. Also, they have huge boners. ( )

It's very hard to believe that this concept—a book about how cool ninjas are, from a ten-year old's perspective—could be sustained for more than a few pages, but it works. There's a disturbing/touching stealth narrative hidden between all the childish fantasies, too. I suspect you have to have grown up with the right mix of 1980s pop culture to appreciate this, but if that's the case, REAL Ultimate Power will be a nonstop whirlwind of comedy, discomfort, and nostalgia. ( )

I found this hilarious at 14, but it's definitely humor for the capslocked-yelling, non sequitur-loving crowd (I picked it up again in a bookstore last year and couldn't stand it). But for someone who enjoys Maddox, Tucker Max, and the like, this would make a decent gift. ( )

Real Ultimate Power: The Official Ninja Book

Author Robert Hamburger really let one loose here. The book is written from the perspective of a 13 year old boy, though never really described fully. Robert is completely obsessed with Ninjas. They are as he describes “The SWEETEST mammals ever”. James Novy, illustrates all of the ninja magic and awesomeness.

Robert Hamburger himself exists and is not 13 years old. He runs a ninja homepage over at http://realultimatepower.net under the 13 year old persona he created.

This book changed my life. when i grow up i want to kill someone!

-Cindy, age 7.5

i hated to love this book. i loved to hate it. every 2 or three pages i would want to put it down. i wanted to rip out the pages and leave it behind for someone to tape together and torture themselves with later. generally, with in seconds of this feeling i was bowled over with a complete attitude overhaul as Robert filled my brain with violence and bizarre childish humor. moments later i would be back in a cyclone of regret as i trudged another page waiting for another nugget of joyous banter.

Dealing with Ninjas on a personal level, page 113-114

If a ninja wants to kill you there’s pretty much nothing you can do. You can tell all your family that you hate them before you go, but that’s about it. But if you think you’re lucky, you could try putting a bowl of chili outside your window. If a ninja is about to kill you and he’s sneaking through your window, he might see the chili, eat it, and come inside your room and hug you while you’re sleeping, holding you in his arms, rocking you back and forth, wishing for a better life for you, somewhere far away from here. If this happens, then just lie there and enjoy it. And don’t move either, because I heard that there was this one kid who woke up and the ninja was really embarrassed and it got pretty weird for everyone involved.

wow.. i mean wow. Robert is a messed up kid in this book. he equates killing and destruction with cuddling and the manly figures that play ball with young boys. he describes the hatred his family has for him and the torture and loneliness he has from school. it is all rolled up into a never ending run on sentence with the words sweet and boner used as often as physically possible.

a few “chapters” in, we started seeing foot notes which are used to introduce Robert’s babysitter. John edits the book, adds additional information to clarify and strengthen Roberts points. as you read the book you see their relationship dissipate and die. it is all in the name of good humor and joyous introspective teenage looks at what is cool and what is “bullshit”

Robert is obsessive, dirty minded, semi-illiterate, suicidal, a run-away risk, and overall one of the most fucked up characters i have ever read a book by/about.

screw you Robert Hamburger. you got what you deserve, and yet.. i hope that your father really is a ninja.. i think you deserve that too.. scrap that.. i loved the laugh.. and the book.. but still it lurks in my subconscious that i should hire a nija to kill the author.. it would serve him right, prove his point, and partially make up for unleashing this shitty awesome book on the world..

i want to read it again… and again.. then burn it and make robert hamburger eat the ashes through his ass…great.. now i am thinking like a 13 year old…
( )

Every page in this book gave me something new to laugh at, all while feeding my ninja obsession. I'm still a little confused about the end, though. Did he really manage to commit ritual suicide with a Frisbee? ( )