I wish I read this earlier. There are so many gems. I understand so much more about my own life and relationships after reading this. I think I need to read this again! ( )

bell hooks' unflinching-yet-loving elucidation of patriarchy's ubiquitous mechanism delivers a warm blanket and an inescapable choice to a society of naked emperors: account for and combat patriarchy's proliferation, or commit agonizing suicide. ( )

This book is important for us all to read regardless of gender. In it, Hooks describes not only the pain of many men in America but also the pain reflected in American culture. The glorification of the dominate has skewed our whole outlook as a country. This is the difference between defense and "Preemptive war." Domination isn't on the path to anywhere worth going. I hope that we will stop and realize the pain that we currently insist on pushing away. That every one of us is culpable for the damage we have done through war, neglect, irresponsible support (weapon sales)and outright badness. We must accept our culpability in the planet-wide destruction of a life-giving world. We must all accept culpability for the cry of boys and men who were lied to about what life actually is. We must teach that love equals life. Love makes the products of pain drain away both literally and figuratively. Love creates both walls and bridges. We all are damaged and we all have damaged but that can be changed with a push for openness and by denying any solution that destroys in any way.
I found the answer to my questions about my marriage and my confused attempt to raise my sons to be men who can give and receive love. I now feel like I have a road to travel regardless its signs of travelers. By acknowledging my sons' pain and by supporting their ability to love themselves and others, I can see a future where my sons will be able to love others and me. ( )

Hooks artfully and courageously challenges paradigms of masculinity because of her love for men. I appreciate her careful deconstruction of the toxic effect of the dominating structures of patriarchy and her clarion call for men to mourn and grieve their role as violent oppressors and grow into living into a love that nurtures and fosters vulnerability.

Phew. This book is hard to rate. It is my first serious foray into feminist literature, so I don't really know on which basis to rate it.

I guess the main thing I can say about it is that it has gotten me to think on a number of issues, and to recognize for the first time what a boon my parents parenting style has been to me. So, I guess for that alone, I'll go with five stars. ( )