What a fantastically weird book. I don't know if this is good, but it was an almost embarrassingly entertaining page turner that had me shuddering, shaking my head, and laughing all at once. ( )

Wow, was this book disappointing. What should have been Ellis's introduction to the print world became a collection of hey-guys-look-at-this-crazy-shit-I-found-on-the-internet-and-posted-on-my-blog-already, strung together by the thinnest of narratives. There are occasional sentences that smack of the author's way with words, but it's hardly worth the trudge through the rest of the book. ( )

Crooked Little Vein is Warren Ellis being Warren Ellis. There's a lot of crude humor and odd events, but that really works for him. There are stomach turning sections ("partying" with saline), and sections of purely amazing writing peppered throughout.

At the same time, that's all the book is. I want to say it's all style and no substance, but that's not true. Ellis' preaching about the mainstream and the Internet is interesting, if a little heavy handed.

In any case, there's a hint of great prose writing and philosophy, but it's encumbered by the rat who pisses in coffee and the coke mask. A good book, entertaining, but not a great book. ( )

I had no prior notion who Warren Ellis is, but I noticed many a froth-mouthed fanboy here in LT praising him and his apparently extensive oeuvre of comic books, mostly, but also, among other things, this detective novel, Crooked Little Vein. Therefore I didn't have any preconceptions about what to expect and so by golly was I in for a big surprise! I never could have believed it would be such a snoozefest! Ellis wastes way too much time and effort trying to gross out the reader with irrelevant little sexual vignettes, neglecting plot and characters completely. We get the usual cyberpunkish dark sassy smartass sidekick-girlfriend, combination of the bad girl you jerked off to in high school (and still do; admit it) and your sarcastic best friend. The male hero is your usual thirtyish everyman with an unlucky streak and no discernible qualities. Furthermore, even an outrageously over-the-top story is allowed to make some sense; I would have liked some more plot in my holes. Eww, gross.

It was a moderately entertaining, super-fast read, on account of it being very short and having a badly rushed ending. I'm sure a less jaded person would have vomited a little in their own mouth, but I barely lifted an eyebrow at the Godzilla bukkake, and it was all downhill from there. Being a pacifist and all, I still wanted to pound the "witty" narrator's face in many times. Truth be told, I did also let go a guffaw a couple of times. Unfortunately I can't be anything but blasé about it—weird internet porn and criticism of the Bush regime; yawn, that's so 2007. ( )

Chandleresque but expanding the decadence (root: decay) from just So Cal to all of the USA. Clipped, noir diction outfitted for the Internet generation. Saving Grace comes in the form of technology and media enabling the many to expose and dilute the power of the few...not a new or revelatory theme, but very entertaining. Had me laughing out loud many times. ( )

It was a great book, granted, but did anyone else think that the ending was far too abrupt?

Entertaining, comic and vilely disgusting in varying measures - Having read the authors comments I was vaguely apalled that some of the most off colour excesses were reality based rather than fiction and I find myself asking - "Do they really provide Jesus shaped butt plugs in Las Vegas?" - In fact to be frank, prior to reading this I had no idea such a thing as a butt plug even existed....but then I guess you live and learn. ( )

It's the kind of book I've been searching for. That strange tome lurking squished under a pile of ancient Redbook magazines in the back of a dusty bookstore in an old house manned by a grouchy bearded troll named Hap.
Wow.
Every sentence is quotable.
A couple opening lines from different chapters:
Chapter 1: I opened my eyes to see the rat taking a piss in my coffee.
Chapter 4: By Sunday, I'd moved into the Z Hotel, where the doormen dress like ninjas and stab passing poor people in the neckbits with wooden swords.
Chapter 13: "This is where we shoot salt water into your testicles," said Gary.

Oomph.
Weird, smart, freaky, funny, odd, sexy, violent, savvy.
Warren Ellis is mostly known for graphic novels like Desolation Jones and Transmetropolitan.
Great, but this is greater.
I want more!
William Gibson: "Stop it. You're frightening me."
Kinky Friedman: "....like a bipolar Raymond Chandler...it's also funny enough to make you shit standing."
Joss Whedon: "I think this book ate my soul. Funny, inventive, blithely apalling, this book is Dante on paint fumes."

Easily offended? Close this post and back away.
All others: prepare to be wonderfully horrified.

BORROW, BUY, or BURN?
BUY. ( )

This one was suggested to me by a friend and when I read the description, I was like, no. Too edgy for me-of-the-weak-stomach. And there were definitely parts that were difficult to stomach! The comedy leans strongly toward the black and sick, but the novel reminds me of Carl Hiaasen - but like more messed up. The humor was similar - if darker - but, in the end, cosmic justice is meted out. The ending is surprising, and not just for its (relative) happiness. I liked it a lot, and I have suggested it to a few others. I will definitely try some of Ellis's graphic novels - probably. ( )

Crooked Little Vein
Crooked Little Vein is the title of the latest (and greatest) creation of Warren Ellis.
This has to be, hands down, the funniest novel I've read in some time. After reading his comic books for years, I had often wished he would write a novel and this is why. The sharp wit and dry humor will leave you gasping for air and your jaws aching from laughing so much.

Our protagonist is a PI named Michael McGill and is a bit of a stereotype. The guy sleeping in his office, wearing yesterdays shirts and wondering if he'll be able to pay the rent of have to sneak out of town.

Just he is wondering about this (and if his shirt is too yellowed to wear another day) he gets a visitor like no other. And no, it's not a beautiful bombshell, but rather a very strange little man making him an offer he can't refuse.

Michael is hired to find the 2nd (and very secret) Constitution. The so-called 'real' one.

So he's off and running. Unfortunately, Michael has a talent for falling into the worst sort of situations. Things just go bad around him and getting this job is only the smallest part of how bad things are going to get.

If you like mysteries, humor and very strange events, this is the book for you. In fact, you should buy it even if those aren't your things. Crooked Little Vein will convert you. Buy 2 copies and give one away. Afflict someone else with the writings of warren Ellis!

==== Book Review Questionnaire ====

What led you to pick up this book? === Crooked Little Vein was included at my library in a local feature where library workers choose their favourite titles. I had seen this featured on many lists so I decided to check it out.

What did you like most about the book? === This book is filled with lewd people, disgusting sexual practices and disturbing perversions ... that all are probably pretty easy to find in our society, which is even more shocking. But the thing that I liked is how Ellis managed to place these things into everyday life and find the humour behind it. Because every once in awhile, amidst the daily horrors we see on CNN and local news, you've got to just take a breath and laugh.

What did you like least? === It was way too short - I am hoping that we will see McGill return in a sequel. He would make the perfect main character for a detective series.

What did you think of the writing style? === I loved the style of writing in Crooked Little Vein. It was rough, blunt and to the point, which was perfect for the story. The pacing was also a key ingredient, as it pulls the reader along on the speeding fast journey of the main character.

Which readers are most likely to enjoy this book? Why? === This would be easier if I said who I don't think would enjoy this book. If you are not interested in graphic descriptions of sex, profanity, insanity or a negative view of American politics - you should probably stay away. Also if you don't want to read about Godzilla Bukkake or you are scared to find out what that is - you should probably read something else.

Have you read any other books by this author? What did you think of those books? === Warren Ellis is an amazing comic book/graphic novel author and I have enjoyed his Transmetropolitan series and his various contributions to the X-Men comics. Crooked Little Vein is my first read of his novels, but I will be looking forward to more,

What did you think of the main character? === I adored the main character, private detective Michael McGill. He is the type of guy that knows his life sucks, his luck sucks and whatever bad things can happen - will happen. But he takes it all in stride and doesn't give up, he just shrugs it off with dark humour and a "what did I expect?" attitude.

Any other particularly interesting characters? === His partner Trix, is very likable, if weird. Also the many people he meets on his journey are incredibly interesting, although even weirder. The saline-addicted body builders were hilarious as was the serial killer, who I would love to hear more about.

Write about the relationship between two characters. === Michael and Trix decide to join together as partners, along the way their relationship changes many times, but the chemistry between them, whether romantic or otherwise, is always very strong. I really enjoyed seeing how each experience they had together changed them as people.

Share a quote from the book: === This quote is a description that was given about the specific book that Michael McGill was hired to find. I laughed so much after reading this. “It is a small, handwritten volume reputedly bound in the skin of the extraterrestrial entity that plagued Benjamin Franklin’s ass over 6 nights in Paris during his European travels. Benjamin Franklin wasn’t some nancy-boy novelist who wrote sensitive books about aliens sticking things up his rectum, you know. On the seventh night he got right up and killed the little bastard with one punch”

Share a favourite scene from the book: === My favourite scene from Crooked Little Vein is when Michael and Trix meet with the bodybuilders to find a lead. Normally a detective needs to exchange something for information, but this time he is forced to accept something if he plans to get the information he wants. What he gets and how he gets it are achingly funny. What's more hilarious about this particular scene is how he reacts afterwards while running (make that shuffling) to his car.

Do you recommend this book? If you use a rating system, what’s your rating? === I would recommend this book as it was a very enjoyable, fun read. But again, I must say it is not a read for the sensitive or easily offended. If you aren't put off by Chuck Palahniuk or if you enjoy his shocking satire, then you'll probably also enjoy Crooked Little Vein. Below all of the shocking images and descriptions there is a very strong message about how our society has changed (for better or for worse?) and where the lines need to be drawn in order for humanity to remain human. ( )

Crooked Little Vein tracks the quest of down-at-heel PI Mike McGill as he scours the underbelly of America searching for a secret second Constitution prepared by the Founding Fathers for use in the country's darkest hour. He's been hired by the White House Chief of Staff, who turns out to be the dark anthithesis of everything John Spencer played in The West Wing, a nasty little man who wants to put America right at all costs, and is prepared to pay McGill an enormous amount of money to do it.

Read the full review at my blog. ( )

There's a million reviews out there for this and so I'll make this one short: I've never seen perversion so gleeful.There are a couple of patches where it doesn't work, but overall, Ellis knows how to use his ability to write fantastically tight and sharp short pieces to make an entire novel. It's vignette-y, but it ties together. It's a quick read because it pulls you in and chokes you lovingly until it's done. ( )

Reading Warren Ellis reminds me of being told bedtime stories by uncles who weren't drunk at the time, but had had so much to drink in the past, their brains qwere damaged to the point where words became lyrical nonsense. You may not have known exactly what they were talking about but it sounded so good you didn't care.At it's heart, Crooked Little Vein is your basic detective story, as long as your basic detective attracts trouble like rats attract the plague. He's just a guy trying to make a living, but his conscience prevents him from making any real money. it's what he's hunting down that makes it completely unike the artsy film noir of my youth.While not everything was a win for me, I did find it a compelling story, even if I wanted to cut Trix into a hundred little pieces and scatter themn into a tank of starve-maddened pirrahna. More than once.Been wanting to read this for a long time. It's in Sony Reader format now, so here we go!!!! ( )

Reading Warren Ellis reminds me of being told bedtime stories by uncles who weren't drunk at the time, but had had so much to drink in the past, their brains qwere damaged to the point where words became lyrical nonsense. You may not have known exactly what they were talking about but it sounded so good you didn't care.At it's heart, Crooked Little Vein is your basic detective story, as long as your basic detective attracts trouble like rats attract the plague. He's just a guy trying to make a living, but his conscience prevents him from making any real money. it's what he's hunting down that makes it completely unike the artsy film noir of my youth.While not everything was a win for me, I did find it a compelling story, even if I wanted to cut Trix into a hundred little pieces and scatter themn into a tank of starve-maddened pirrahna. More than once.Been wanting to read this for a long time. It's in Sony Reader format now, so here we go!!!! ( )

Reading Warren Ellis reminds me of being told bedtime stories by uncles who weren't drunk at the time, but had had so much to drink in the past, their brains qwere damaged to the point where words became lyrical nonsense. You may not have known exactly what they were talking about but it sounded so good you didn't care.At it's heart, Crooked Little Vein is your basic detective story, as long as your basic detective attracts trouble like rats attract the plague. He's just a guy trying to make a living, but his conscience prevents him from making any real money. it's what he's hunting down that makes it completely unike the artsy film noir of my youth.While not everything was a win for me, I did find it a compelling story, even if I wanted to cut Trix into a hundred little pieces and scatter themn into a tank of starve-maddened pirrahna. More than once.Been wanting to read this for a long time. It's in Sony Reader format now, so here we go!!!! ( )

Reading Warren Ellis reminds me of being told bedtime stories by uncles who weren't drunk at the time, but had had so much to drink in the past, their brains qwere damaged to the point where words became lyrical nonsense. You may not have known exactly what they were talking about but it sounded so good you didn't care.At it's heart, Crooked Little Vein is your basic detective story, as long as your basic detective attracts trouble like rats attract the plague. He's just a guy trying to make a living, but his conscience prevents him from making any real money. it's what he's hunting down that makes it completely unike the artsy film noir of my youth.While not everything was a win for me, I did find it a compelling story, even if I wanted to cut Trix into a hundred little pieces and scatter themn into a tank of starve-maddened pirrahna. More than once.Been wanting to read this for a long time. It's in Sony Reader format now, so here we go!!!! ( )

I loved this book! It is bizarre, fascinating, and hilarious!This author typically writes comic books, but has now moved on to novels. Which I am grateful for because this book was crazy and fun!Any book that starts with a rat pissing in the main characters coffee has got to be strange, but this comes up with some funny crazy shit!You have to read it.It's amazing. ( )

Warren Ellis proudly dangles his genius in our faces again with this one.

If you're from the internet, like me, nothing in this book will be particularly shocking. The imagery is wonderful and you'll be chuckling knowingly as you read his prose.

If you aren't from the internet, however, you should probably either avoid this book completely or read alone with the curtains drawn. Not that it's overtly sexual, but you're not going to want the guy next to you on the bus reading over your shoulder.

Not recommended for children, children at heart, the childish, or the crotchety. ( )

http://www.fnordinc.com/2008/08-17/pa... ( )

Been meaning to read this one for a good long while, if for no other reason than 'Transmetropolitan'. Was not disappointed, and the novel's main point ('If it's on TV and on the internet, why isn't it mainstream?') finally sunk in when I realized that, yeah, I actually had surprisingly extensive prior knowledge of the 'psychosexual underbelly of America'... just from reading, and surfing, and channel-hopping.Oh, and I did laugh out loud in bed at 1AM quite a few times, and the ending fully satisfies, which given the madness in most of the book, is quite the accomplishment.Read it, I dare you :-) ( )

I wasn’t familiar with any of Warren Ellis’ previous work before reading “Crooked Little Vein”. Over the years, Ellis has cut a large figure in the field of comics, establishing himself as a preeminent writer. He also has a reputation for being outrageous and for seeing how far he can push the envelope of bad taste.

Well, “Crooked Little Vein” doesn’t disappoint, nor contradict this reputation in the least; if anything, it furthers it. The book is stunningly outrageous, incredibly filthy and vile, and wickedly over the top. This humorous descent into the depravity of the American underbelly feels like frolicking in a gutter and splashing oneself with filth. And I loved every minute of it.

Mike McGill is a private dectective who tends to be a magnet for some bizzare situations, and that is putting it nicely. He is hired by a government official to find the real Constitution of the United States. This leads Mike to a disturbing journey across America, where he experiences all types of depravity like fans who enjoy Godzilla movies a little too much sexually and individuals who inject their nether regions with saline. Unfortunately, this is about as far as I can go into the story without you having to wash your eyes out afterwards. Oh yes, it is disturbed and profane.

“Crooked Little Vein” is essentially a montage of disturbing set pieces held together by McGill’s overall search for the Constitution. Ellis has an amazing gift to write scenes that would surely make you queasy if you weren’t laughing so hard. So it goes without saying, if you are faint of heart about the use of profanity, scatological and perverted sexual references and other general foulness, you’ll really want to avoid this novel. However, if you want to read something incredibly disturbing and not run-of-the-mill, this is must read material.

The book is brief and can be read in a few hours, so it mostly maintains its shock value, but the outrageousness of it does start to wear thin by the end. Ellis’ writing style is simple and straightforward. His descriptions are stark, which makes the foulness that Mike uncovers even more horrifying. This is a new genre Ellis is plumbing here: perverted noir. And it is the level of depravity that Ellis is able to pull off that makes this novel incredibly entertaining.

Last Word:
“Crooked Little Vein” is a fast, fun read that revels in its perversion and outrageousness, and full of shocking scences that are unforgettable. Warren Ellis has crafted a tiny little treat that will bring a smile to those who want to see how far bad taste can be pushed. Because in the hands of Ellis, bad taste can be pushed amazingly far. ( )

Hmmm, not sure. Will have to re-read before casting judgement.

Sex and politics.

This book didn't seem to have the bite of some of Ellis' other work, for reason, perhaps because it was his first shot.

Your usual down on their luck private investigator is given a lot of money to go and investigate where a secret early constitution has gotten to.

Hired by a drug abusing political type, he then gets to go a sex tour and encounter everything from baby jesus buttplugs to multiple ejaculation wearing giant monster fetishists.

Needless to say, the woman he meets along the way is rather different.

http://notfreesf.blogspot.com/2008/04... ( )

very fast read, because it's hard to put down ( )