Offbeat Bride: Taffeta-Free Alternatives for Independent Brides

I guess my review of this book can double as an announcement: Jordan and I have set the date for a tiny, quirky wedding on October 10th! Man, those are some words I never thought I'd say. Initially, I really wanted to elope, bypassing the whole wedding planning fervor completely. But he, fairly, wanted to include some friends and family into the hullabaloo. So instead of focusing on private, whispered vows, I'm turning to places like indiebride and offbeatbrides to provide some guidance into this daunting task: creating a big ol' party in less than four months but also to still stay true to ourselves.If you haven't looked at it, the Offbeat Bride blog is pretty impressive--lots of resources, an active community, creative ideas, and plenty of "wedding porn" (photos). I was pleased to find blogger Ariel Meadow Stalling's book at the library. In it, she discusses each stage of the wedding planning process in a brief, warmly written chapter. You get real insight into her own relationship and wedding.Unfortunately, I think the information on the blog itself is presented in a much better, richer way. There are no photos here; the pages are thin and the font huge. It's clear from her style of writing that these are lifted right off of a blog. What seems fun and engaging in blog format just feels a bit . . . well, childish, when laid out in very thin (2-3 page) chapters with huge margins. And she goes on a bit too much about her own wedding. You're ravers. Your mom loves humanure. We get the point! It's not that it's not funny. Mostly, it just didn't feel relevant. I want really want solid pointers, not anecdotes! Do I really have to hire someone to brew coffee for thirty people at the end of the wedding, or do I just buy a bunch of urns?! Or rent them? These questions weigh heavy on my mind right now, unfortunately.My biggest qualm with her writing style, though, is to name drop other "offbeat brides" (friends?) without providing context. I guess these are connections she made through her blog, but that's never really made clear.Despite all of this, reading the book itself was reassuring--you can have a wedding that's not part of the whole wedding industry behemoth. Though a lot of the stuff that Stallings talks about seems fairly self-evident, when you're in the thick of it (and fielding questions about why you're not getting a rabbi!), I suppose you can't really be reassured enough. ( )

As a bride-to-be, I'm doing the requisite reading (or skimming) of bridal books and magazines. So far, I've found it more sociologically fascinating than actually helpful, and I've enjoyed reading novels about weddings more than wedding handbooks, but Offbeat Bride was fabulous. It's more of a memoir than a wedding planning book, although I did get quite a few great tips from it. As it is more of a memoir of the author's journey planning an unconventional wedding, I would recommend it to those of you not planning a wedding.

The book is certainly geared at those of us brides-to-be who may not embrace the ubiquitous white dress (I'm wearing blue because it's my favorite color and makes my eyes shine) or getting married in a church (I'm getting married in a library) or having someone walk you down the aisle (nomadreaderboy likes this idea far more than I do, and he may elect to have his parents walk him down the aisle.) Regardless of what traditions you embrace, subvert or create, you'll find ideas. For those of you not getting married, it's still a fascinating, thoughtful glance at wedding culture.

Ariel Meadow Stallings, who is funny, interviewed tons of people, mostly her friends, and the results were surprising, at least to me. She's a former raver, club kid, crazy kid (I don't think she'd mind these descriptions) who was with her now-husband for seven years when they decided to get engaged. She's a fun and funky feminist who welcomes the traditions she chooses and doesn't judge those who view them differently. Even traditions based in the sexist patriarchy and capitalism can have meaning for modern, feminist brides and grooms. The big picture: your wedding is your wedding. Do what you want, compromise when it's prudent, and relax enough to enjoy yourself. After reading this book, I'm mostly convinced all of us are offbeat brides (or grooms) in some ways. Sure, some weddings are more traditional than others, but it doesn't make them less offbeat.

Hearing from a large cross-section of theoretically similarly like-minded brides was fascinating, and I think I would have enjoyed this book even if I read it when I wasn't planning a wedding. Weddings should be deeply personal, and ritual is rich with meaning. Finding the right combination is a choice each couple must make themselves. The book is a few years old, but the Offbeat Bride lives on at http://www.offbeatbride.com. ( )

Read it, assuming you're getting married
However, look to it more for inspiration than for concrete ideas. And if you're planning a traditional, bridal-magazine wedding, you may not want to bother.

http://reviewingwhatever.blogspot.com/2009/01/offbeat-bride.html

What a relief! I figured the farthest away I was going to get from today's typical wedding planning book was going to have to be The Anti-Bride series, which is hardly that, or books on how to plan sky-diving and theme weddings. Now I am bursting with ideas about a wedding that reflects us, not antiquated and/or expensive traditions. I especially appreciated the tips on how to handle those who would have us believe that churches, bouquet tosses and gravy boats are the only way to go. I'm also glad that this book was written as the story of her own wedding, because I would not have devoured it so quickly without that personal feel.

***Update***
Wedding was awesome. Not one person keeled over and died because we ignored tradition and all of those things you're supposed to do. Everyone had a great time and kept telling us how "us" the event was. I would once again like to recommend this book as an excellent jumping off point for those who don't want to follow the pack, and instead want a personal, affordable, green, quirky or rule-breaking event. ( )

Ariel Meadow Stallings is a terrific writer. She's funny, knowledgeable, and definitely offbeat. I stumbled onto this book by finding her web site, www.offbeatbride.com, and immediately ordered the book from her. She covers the story of her own wedding throughout the book, but highlights other's alternative weddings as well. It became a bit of a bible for me when planning my own offbeat elopement and I couldn't have done it without her. Really recommend it for all brides and grooms (my husband loved it too) and for just a plain good read. ( )