A book applying the authors' "boundaries" philosophy to the realm of marriage.

There is much to commend the authors' concept of "boundaries" to marriage partners: if used properly, boundaries help each spouse recognize what they can and cannot control and to focus more inward and work to fix the self more than attempting to project on the spouse and to fix them. It can assist spouses who have difficulties in the areas of enabling, being walked over, or who constantly project all problems upon the other.

On the other hand, as the authors themselves make clear, the concept of boundaries has to be used properly. They cannot be immediate ultimatiums or boundaries enforced on others. The concept of consequences as elaborated in the book make some sense but can lead to all kinds of problems in and of themselves when abused. The idea of one consequence being the withholding of sex also runs contrary to 1 Corinthians 7, despite the authors' attempts to be otherwise rather Biblical.

In short, if the boundaries are established in the right way for the right reasons, things will go well. But if boundaries are established in the wrong way and/or for the wrong reasons, things could go from bad to worse. The book and concepts are worth considering, but it is even more important to check yourself at the door before establishing said boundaries. ( )

This is actually really helpful for all person-to-person interactions (read _Boundaries_ if you don't want to be distracted by the marriage examples). The idea is that you only have control over your own reactions to things; you can't change people's behavior, only your reactions to them. But you can let people know that their behavior has consequences and what those consequences are. You can permit people to suffer the consequences of their actions (which is not the same as inflicting them as a punishment). I've given this book to some people and been tempted to give it to others, but people often aren't really ready to set boundaries. Some assumptions about traditional gender roles are annoying (husband embarrassed because wife can't keep house? really? there's some problems besides 'boundaries' there) but I can read around them. ( )