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Sausagey Santa by Carlton Mellick III
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Sausagey Santa

by Carlton Mellick III

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343329,500 (3.79)3

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I had a blast reading this twisted Christmas tale full of scenes that left me chuckling while shaking my head and saying, out loud, "Wow!!" Mellick has an exciting imagination and writes books I can easily see myself re-reading again down the road and recommending to others. His stories are not for the kiddies but more of a play ground for adults as his covers suggest. I think fans of Heavy Metal magazine and the Heavy Metal animated film will enjoy this trip. ( )
  TBones | Dec 31, 2014 |
After I read "Shatnerquake" I was intrigued by the concept of "Bizarro fiction" picked this one since it fit the season. It's even weirder. It's exactly what it says on the tin. Santa is made of sausage. His fingers are Vienna sausages, and his head's a big bratwurst. According to the novel, he was immortal and got sick of living forever. But all his suicide attempts failed. So he fed himself through a meat grinder. This still didn't work so his enslaving elves transformed him into sausage so he could move around.

This is not the weird part.

The weird part comes from the main character who is married to a dominatrix who wants to be a Transformer, has a child who has some sort of growth in her head, twins that are forever strapped to his wife's back, who get their limbs lopped off in the battle with Frosty the Snowman, Santa's mortal enemy who controls coffee birds--flying amorphous blobs of congealed hatred.

Also there's sex with elves using extra-dimensional panties.

I think that's all I need to say. ( )
  theWallflower | Feb 24, 2014 |
I feel like I should like this book more than I do. In terms of sheer over-the-top Bizarro weirdness, it's certainly up there with Mellick's The Baby Jesus Butt Plug and Electric Jesus Corpse. Unfortunately, it all felt a bit rushed, a bit cramped. This is an epic tale of love, betrayal, war, and total fucking freakishness that deserves a full novel treatment, and it's a shame that Mellick didn't flesh it out more and give it a chance to breathe. It's still a good read and I'd recommend it, but it could have been so much more. ( )
  tankexmortis | Feb 9, 2009 |
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