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Real Vampires Have Curves by Gerry Bartlett

Real Vampires Have Curves

by Gerry Bartlett

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I bought this trash because it was in the 75% off bargin bin at Books-A-Million and I can never pass up a 75% off bargin bin at a book store. I absolutely have to buy something. Books that cheap, it's like crack cocaine.

Well, it's a good thing I didn't spend any more money on this book. I think even the $3.97 was too much. The writing wasn't bad but the rest of the book was just...trash. There's just no other way to put it.

I guess if you like romance novels this might be a fun book for you to read, but I hate romance novels. I hate the put on "strong, independent woman" characterization that most romance novels contain. For instance, "I'm a strong woman. I don't need a man, but that man makes me soooo hot! I just have to have him." She sleeps with him - it's all lusty and good - and then she gets mad because he's infringing upon her independence again. What? ugh, vampire, please!

Also, there was nothing new in this. Nothing at all new in the vampire - romance - fiction genre. Rich vampires. Vampires that love sex. Boys fighting over girl. The only thing even close to being new is that the heroine, Gloriana St. Claire (or Glory to her friends, ugh) is a woman with some extra curves. Which she goes back and forth loving her lucsious curvy figure and hating it. ENOUGH!

Only read this book is you absolutely have to read all the absolutely awful vampire/romance/chick lit/silly vampire books out there. It's along the same lines as Dead and Unwed (although that was even better than this!) ( )
  wendithegray | May 1, 2017 |
Glory's body issues were un expected but the overall story was really good. Can't wait to read the next installment. ( )
  bookjunkie57 | Apr 17, 2015 |
Okay- it might be time for me to take a break from the vampires though :) ( )
  wwrawson | Mar 31, 2013 |
I enjoy a good paranormal romance, and that's what I was hoping this would be. I guess I was disappointed that the tone of the novel felt more like chick-lit (with vampires, but still).It wasn't a bad story, but it just didn't grab me. I need something else in a vampire romance, I guess. ( )
  puttocklibrary | Nov 24, 2011 |
This book is full of squandered potential. You have a 400+ year old vampire who seems to be in deep denial about what she is and wants to be part of the human world (by opening a business that caters to humans). You're set in Austin, TX, a city with its own personality. You have a mother who decides to become a vampire when her son does so she can be a vampire for all eternity. And yet all this book can muster is a standard chick lit fare: a girl with a Bridget Jones body complex, two guys fighting over her, a gay best friend, and lots of talk of fashion of shoes.

I understand that this book is meant to be light and frothy. But there was a way Bartlett could have written a chick lit vampire novel about a vampire opening her own business, fighting off the advances of two guys, and balancing her "Sex and the City" girlishness with her vampiric nature. It isn't this way. She introduces too many elements that seem to presage something darker, but glosses them over with dialogue that's a weird hybrid between expospeak and "fabulous girl" locutions. All the vampire aspects feel like poorly tacked on window dressing to a chick lit story set in a generic city that's ostensibly Austin. ( )
  NocturnalBlue | Aug 13, 2010 |
Showing 1-5 of 22 (next | show all)
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Book description

What-did you think all vamps were pale, thin and brooding? Don't I wish.

Gloriana St. Clair is an eternally "full-figured" vampire-she just happened to be bloating when a sexy Scotsman sank his teeth into her. She and said Scot-Angus Jeremiah Campbell III, aka Jeremy Blade-have been on and off again for centuries, currently off. A couple hundred years has taught them how to press each other's buttons-in good ways and bad.

Glory's headed for Austin and a new business venture: Vintage Vamp's Emporium. After all, she loves clothes, and she is an antique. Only problem is, there's a billionaire techno-freak vampire hunter on the loose. Blade's in total he-vampire mode, and wants Glory to move in with him so he can "protect" her. But it's time for this vamp to explore her own powers

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Amazon.com Product Description (ISBN 0425220966, Mass Market Paperback)

Plus-sized vampire Glory St. Claire has a new business venture and an old, on-off boyfriend. Blade wants to protect her from the techno-freak vampire hunter stalking the streets of Austin, but it's time for Glory to explore her own powers.

(retrieved from Amazon Thu, 12 Mar 2015 18:06:38 -0400)

(see all 3 descriptions)

Rendered eternally full-figured when she is made into a vampire between diets, Gloriana St. Clair struggles with her centuries-old relationship with Scottish vampire Jeremy, opens a vintage clothing store, and falls under the spell of a billionaire techno-freak immortal.… (more)

» see all 2 descriptions

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