The Baker's Boy (1995)

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I went into this knowing that it was the first book in a trilogy, and that it would be mostly setup for the other two books in the series. I went into this knowing that it was very standard, crunchy granola fantasy. A coming of age story with a pretty girl met by chance on the road, stereotypical villains, a coming of age type quest, stuff like that. But... Come on. Nothing happened in this book! And when I say nothing, I mean nothing. Nothing was resolved in the end, and for that matter, I never really even figured out what there was to be resolved. All of the hurdles in this book were such trivial matters.. I never discovered any overarching story line, nothing bigger and badder out there that would come crashing into the story to help tie it together. I still kept holding out hope as I turned each page.. But it never happened.

So obviously this was a pretty big disappointment. I didn't hate it, but I think "meh" is as good as it gets when it comes to finding a word to describe it. And that sucks! I really wanted a crunchy granola standard sort of fantasy. It's been a long time since I read anything like that, I was hoping that reading it would feel sort of like coming home. And I guess it did.. If by "home" you mean some place super boring where nothing ever happens and there is a lot of sex and groping and slutty chicks.

That's another thing.. The women in this book. With the exception of Melli and the Queen, every other woman was weirdly loose with granting access to what was under their petticoats. All the men needed to do was ask if the woman fancied a tumble, and it was a done deal. And holy gold digger, apparently every woman has a price in these books. It was sort of insulting... And really not expected, seeing as though it's written by a female author.

I don't know.. Maybe I'll read the next in the series, in hopes that I can squeeze something out of the time I've already invested into this.. But I need a break first. I'll read something that's actually good and well thought out, something with.. I don't know, a plot maybe? Yeah, a plot, that's the ticket! When I'm ready for some more potential pain, maybe I'll come back and try this series out again. Maybe. ( )

What we have here is an orphan boy raised as a servant for the noble folk of Midkemia err, the Six Duchies no, that's not it. Oh yes, the Four Kingdoms. Well, Pug soon finds out. Wait, no. Fitz soon learns that he's a...Dammit. Sorry. Ahem. Jack soon learns that he has an incredible power and he may be destined for shit that isn't baking bread.

Then we have Melli, the pampered noble princess that wants to be more. That is, she wants to have her very own personality. She doesn't want to marry the wicked little demon of a prince, so she runs away. Well, can't fault the poor girl. Can't blame her for not wanting to be married to Prince Kylock:

So, anyway. We also have a young knight by the name of Tawl. Yes, really. I'm not kidding. That's his name. He don't like it either. Well, he's supposed to strike out and find the Chosen One (see paragraph #1), but doesn't know where to look. All he's told by the wiseguy that set him on his quest is that he was looking for...drumroll a boy.

So....likeable but boring protagonists? Don't worry. We have shallow, greedy, and sinister villains aplenty.

First we have Melli's father, the richest noble in the Four Kingdoms, and an owner of a few apple trees to boot, Lord Maybor. Then we have his archenemy of all time, the Chancellor Baralis. They spend the entire novel cooking up evil ways to undermine and assassinate each other. They also do everything they can to grope and/or dry-hump every female in the novel. Of course, when they're not plotting or molesting chambermaids, they each have personal manservants to sit by and listen to their mastermind schemes.

Brilliant.

Finally, we have this third mega-villain sitting back and observing shit. Tavilisk the Hutt, Archbishop of Rorn. He's always eating and being a douche to his sarcastic manservant (yes, to be a villain in these books you must have your own manservant).


As far as story, well. Heroes wander and villains plan dastardly acts. Hilarity ensues, and everyone lives happily...err, nevermind. Apparently you have to read the sequel to see anything happen.
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Could have done with a bit of pruning but a good start to a trilogy http://www.dnsmedia.co.uk/reviews/bookreviews/1168 ( )

Classic adventure story. Feels like a lighter version of massive epics such as the Wheel of Time. ( )

BOOK OF WORDS