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One Butt Cheek at a Time by Amber Kizer

One Butt Cheek at a Time

by Amber Kizer

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good but not as good as "Angus, Thongs and full frontal nudity" funny and profound the comment I liked the best "Why is it ok to "have balls" but not ok to "be a cunt" why can't women be proud of their parts too?" ( )
  lilwolfmisty | Apr 11, 2013 |
This book is hilarious! I never thought of myself as a young-adult reader (being 35 and all) but I really enjoyed this book. The tales of Gert and her internal dialog and daily events are funny and realistic. I gave this book to a young friend as a Bat Mitzvah gift and I she loved it too. So a great read for young (and old) readers alike. ( )
  sarahbrownschmidt | Sep 29, 2011 |
The Gert Garibaldi's Rants and Raves series is what I imagine the Georgia Nicholson series to be like (sorta).  There's a frenetic smart energy to it, and a frankness that will strongly appeal to some readers and strongly turn off others.  (And I do mean strongly turn off.  I wouldn't be surprised to hear about a parent reading this and pitching a fit, and calling for a banning.)

I'm not going to lie, it was a bit of a slow-starter for me.  Gert is funny in the beginning and all, but she's sort of funny in that "too much, enough already" way.  And she's got a decided bitter streak which, coupled with some whininess, was off-putting for me.  I didn't really connect to her as much in the beginning and she was starting to actually get on my nerves and make me doubt I wanted to finish when suddenly - something changed.  It's hard to explain without giving things away, but it's sort of like Gert is at that dreaded teenager stage where you haven't really come into your own yet, or even realized that it was a possibility, but you can't let the sharks scent blood in the water so you fake it, and mask it with this extreme nonchalance that borrows a bit from Asshole Land.  We've all been there, we all go through it, but once you are through it, you don't necessarily want to revisit it.

Gert's got a lot of scorn, but much of it is borne from having a lot of questions.  She's a little oblivious to her world and the reality of who she is (and she's completely oblivious to the fact that she may be oblivious - she thinks she's got it all pegged), so when things start changing and she has to open her eyes a bit and risk putting herself out there, she becomes much more likable.  She still keeps her biting wit, but it becomes more universally funny and less whiny.  Gert started opening up and growing, and I thoroughly enjoyed the book from then on.  What really made it likable though was how unabashed Gert is.  Part of it may be that she's still a little bit clueless, but part of it is this really fun mix of eagerness, curiosity, dubiousness and naiveté.  She asks all of the questions that you wanted to ask but were too afraid to as a teen.  Her narration and her rants are frank and often hilarious.  I think many teens will connect to this and find their voice in Gert.

Now, I mentioned above that I can see this getting some very strong negative reactions.  As I said, Gert is very unabashedly curious.  There are frank (and frankly hilarious) discussions of masturbation, pubic hair maintenance, homosexuality, whether or not to ignore a boy's erection at a school dance, etc.  Some teens may be uncomfortable having it all laid out on the table like this, and some parents will likely blow a gasket over the topics.  But don't kid yourself: These are things that every teen thinks about.  They may not think it as loudly as Gert, but it's hilariously realistic.  Now, I'm not saying you should force yourself to read it if it makes you uncomfortable.  And I'm not saying anything is gratuitous.  But what it is is honest.  Gert reminded me a bit of Charlie from The Perks of Being a Wallflower; she's not as guileless as Charlie, but she is as hilariously (and innocently) unfiltered.  I don't think most people will have a problem with this once they get to know Gert, but it does bear mentioning.

[Also, one tiny little pet peeve of mine: I haaated the font choice for the Rants sections and page numbering.  It was almost illegible.]

All in all, I think you can probably tell from this review whether this is the type of book for you.  If it is, give Gert a chance - though she may annoy you in the beginning, I promise you will grow to love her and find yourself choking on your own surprised laughter along the way. ( )
  BookRatMisty | Aug 14, 2011 |
Reviewed by Sally Kruger, aka "Readingjunky" for TeensReadToo.com

The fun definitely doesn't stop with the title. ONE BUTT CHEEK AT A TIME is hilarious from cover to cover.

Gertrude "Gert" Garibaldi is fifteen. She was born when her only other sibling, a brother, was starting college. She asks herself everyday why she was blessed/cursed with ancient parents. From her out-of-touch parents to her Hello, Kitty bedspread and fuzzy pink phone, Gert feels she has more questions about her place in the social scene than there are answers.

Adam is Gert's best friend. He has a crush on Tim, and Gert has a crush on Lucas, Tim's gorgeous twin brother. Unfortunately, Gert sees more of Tim when she acts as chaperone whenever Adam and Tim decide to venture out. Her heartthrob, Lucas, doesn't even seem to know she exists.

Gert's social situation does improve when Stephen reveals his interest. Thanks to Stephen, Gert attends the homecoming dance, actually dances, and has her first kiss.

Author Amber Kizer provides entertainment beginning on page one. Imagine a driver's ed teacher who uses a walker and needs a portable oxygen supply to survive the experience. Picture a principal who decides each student's weight should be recorded and graded on report cards. Add to that a group project with one partner who is Gert's sworn enemy and a sex ed teacher who has everyone exploring where no one has dared to go before.

Have fun reading this one, but be careful when and where you read it. Laughing out loud is sometimes frowned upon. ( )
  GeniusJen | Oct 11, 2009 |
Title: Gert Garibaldi’s Rants and Raves: One Butt Cheek At A Time Author: Amber Kizer Publisher: Delacorte Press Number Of Pages: 295

Synopsis From Back Of Book: Everyone knows that high school is the best part if life. (You’re kidding, right? Here’s the deal High School sucks.)

But poor Gert Garibaldi is struggling to fit in. (If I’m struggling, it’s to survive , not fit in. Who wants to be a “pops” or a “giggle”?) Her best friend, Adam, has made a new close friend (Holy Mother Of Homos, they’re gay, not Hallmark cards) , and Gert can’t seem to understand “guy talk.” (It’s not the talking I have a problem with, it’s the leaving me out.) Gert has a huge crush on the gorgeous (don’t forget perfect!)Lucas but can’t seem to express her feelings to him. And meanwhile, Stephen—a fellow “brain” (Caps, people. Caps-it Brain, as in we use them) in Gert’s history class—asks Gert out but makes a horribly inappropriate gesture on the dance floor (are we talking the speed-of-light kiss or the other thing? You know , when we slow dance?).

Who knows what could happen next? (I turn sixteen, get my license, learn to pluck my brows correctly, and pretty much decide I can survive. Maybe. I’m not sure about the last part.)

Review: This book was well written but not my kind of book. It was funny occasionally but it wasn’t what I would normally read. If I graded books I would probably only give it a 3 but I have heard that a lot of people REALLY enjoyed it! I don’t want to discourage you from reading this novel but it was truly hard for me to identify with the characters and the story for me wasn’t to interesting but I managed to read it in two days. It was a light read and the title makes me laugh and the writing is funny so you might really enjoy it.

I recommend this book if you like journals, funny novels, and YA novels. ( )
  Senfaye | Aug 21, 2009 |
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To my own personal Pollyanna, who played the glad game even in my darkest hours, when we had no idea what the future might hold. Thanks for remembering I could do this on the days when I forgot. You make life with pain bearable. I couldn't do it without you. Thank you, Mom
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the butt cheek philosophy of life My parents always say, ' Put one foot in front of the other.'
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(Click to show. Warning: May contain spoilers.)
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Amazon.com Product Description (ISBN 0385734301, Hardcover)

GERT GARIBALDI ISN'T ONE OF those people who believe high school is the best part of life. She has a whole notebook full of rants about high school, and she's fully aware of how ridiculous the experience is, thank you very much. Gert just wants to survive the next three years, one butt cheek at a time, with her best friend, Adam, by her side - and maybe Luscious Luke attached to her lips. With a stapler. Or something. But muddling through isn't even as easy as it seems - there are geriatric parents to deal with, Homecoming festivities (admit itÑthose words just sent a little chill down your spine), crushes, ed (both sex and driving), and potential new boyfriends - for both Gert and Adam. Frank, funny, and totally unique, Gert's ready to pull on the Pants of Life and start dancing.

(retrieved from Amazon Thu, 12 Mar 2015 18:25:11 -0400)

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An intelligent but insecure high school sophomore shares her private thoughts about sexy boys, her aged parents, annoying teachers, and growing up.

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