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Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires;…

Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately… (2004)

by Emerson Eggerichs

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246.1 Egg
Acc # 2126
Cost $
Acquired 21 Jun 2007
  ToongabbieBaptistLib | Jan 17, 2016 |
Dr. Eggerichs is a PhD level counselor and evangelical pastor who brings both backgrounds to bear on the relationships between men and women in the context of marriage. His primary thesis is that men and women simply talk past each other and don't realize they're doing it. A man's primary need is to fee respected, and a woman's primary need is to feel loved (not excluding the man's need to be loved and the woman's need to be respected). But when the man doesn't feel respected, he unwittingly acts unloving to his wife, and when a woman doesn't feel respected, she unwittingly acts disrespectful towards her husband. Either spouse can start this "crazy cycle," as Eggerichs calls it. Eggerichs then helps men to understand and react to the primary need of their wives to feel loved, and helps women to understand and react to the primary need of their husbands to feel respected, through what he calls the "energizing cycle": His love motivates her respect, her respect motivates his love.

This book was given to me several years ago by a couple who used it in their marriage prep and found it immeasurably helpful, and I've already started using it in the limited counseling that I do. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who works with married couples or anyone whose marriage has become lackluster, who really thought marriage was going to be more than the constant bickering that tears them down each day.
  wyohess | Aug 23, 2015 |
Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs is a book with a simple thesis: the root of marital conflict comes from men and women talking and behaving past each other.

Eggerichs outlines the "crazy cycle," where the husband is (unwittingly) unloving to his wife, whose response is to be (unwittingly) disrespectful to her husband, who is then unloving in response, and the cycle continues. Who starts the cycle is besides the point.

Husbands don't need love, writes Eggerichs, they need respect. Wives need love, to feel cherished. It is, unfortunately, hard for men to love others and hard for women to express respect. Eggerichs links this thought with Ephesians 5:22-33.

My wife and I read this together and I'm glad that we did, it helped us see how we'd been hurting and misunderstanding one another. I'd recommend the book and wish we'd read it years ago; it's practical. Assuming you know what your wife really meant when she said something is a fatal error for many men in marriage. Eggerichs helped me correct some long-standing misgivings.

The book is fairly quick read but could be a whole lot shorter, probably a 10-page essay. Most of it is filled with anecdotes from the couples Eggerichs has counseled or received letters from. The details of the book-- husbands figuring out how to better express love, and wives convincing their husbands that they respect them-- are the hard part for every couple.

I give the book 3.5 stars out of 5, even though I recommend it. My wife had issues with a couple of pages and his line of thought, the book was perhaps harder to read for her than for me. He opens the book with what I'll call the "respect bomb" which seems tough on women (but it seems the response he ultimately gets is positive). But I think there is definitely something to what he's saying. ( )
  justindtapp | Jun 3, 2015 |
Men need to learn how to better show their love and affection for their wives. Women need to show better respect for their husbands and the role they have in the marraige relationship. This is the premise for the book. I was highly excited to get a book that was supposed to teach me more about respect and my husband more about love. And yet, it became mostly a method and perspective of how a woman mostly whines and nags. The descriptions used to illustrate a woman in this book are in some cases highly offensive. And when it says that some instances of the mans behavior is a woman's fault, I said, ok..now repeat that for the man. But it never did. There were no derogatory descriptions of a mans behavior but plenty for women. It seems highly one-sided. The premise is great, the scripture is good, but the execution and delivery is terrible.

I've read tons of reviews on this book before choosing to get it anyway. And for those who've used another's review to question their beliefs and ability to even give an opinion on the book is appalling. I don't believe they are even trying to give the respect that this book taught. This book needed to have less derogatory descriptions of women and more depth on actual causes to these actions by BOTH men and women as opposed to being so fully lopsided. It needs more options of to do's for people to apply rather than scenarios of things gone wrong. It boasted to tell of the love women need and the respect men deserve and it failed to deliver this. ( )
  jessica_reads | Mar 24, 2015 |
This book was a gift from the pastor who did my wedding. He just happens to be my close mate too. He asked that my wife and I read it. May not seem manly to some men, but a great book for newly weds and understanding your better half as you start a new journey like marriage. Single people can read it too. ( )
  Mark_Oszoli | Nov 8, 2014 |
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A marriage book with a difference! This book reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.
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Based upon Ephesians 5:33 and extensive biblical and psychological research, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs reveals the power of unconditional love and unconditional respect and how husbands and wives can reap the benefits of marriage that God intended.--Publisher description.… (more)

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