I read this book aloud to my mother and grandmother upon receiving the news of my grandmother's terminal illness. Reading this book aloud enabled group insight as to our own generational biases and interpretations. GREAT read for any age.

I will first say that I think this is the kind of book you really have to be ready for, as in searching for something better in your life. In my limited experience with self help books, I would say that’s generally the case, actually. If you don’t feel there is anything wrong with your life, if you’re not searching out something that will make it better or make you happier, it does you no good to read something designed to get you to a happier place.

I agree with the principle of this book, and I think the message is a good one, it’s just maybe not something I feel I needed. To a large extent, I think I was kind of living by several of these agreements already, so I don’t know that it helps to be told to live by them. I also feel that this stuff is common sense, so I’m not certain it needed to be said.

To read the rest of my review, please visit:
http://www.dorolerium.com/?p=719 ( )

I read this today and have to say it's very thought provoking and inspirational. It wasn't the greatest piece of writing ever published admittedly but the reasons for trying to live in the spirit of the four agreements were well made. ( )

This book was recommended to me by spiritually-minded people. The four agreements sound vaguely Buddhist and sensible. "Be immaculate with your word" is a lot like "right speech," while "Don't take anything personally" reminds me of the Buddhist idea of non-attachment. Then again, every once in a while the author will go off on a vague tangent about hell or angels and completely lose me. And when he says that telling someone that they look cancerous is enough to give them cancer, then I wonder how much yage went into the making of this book. Does this prove that I have no soul, or that I have a shock-proof bullshit detector? Still, a lot of the advice here could be very helpful, if studiously (and selectively) followed...

I think this is one of the best books for personal transformation I have ever read,succinct and to the point, plus so far (not saying I have anything down pat) but it has worked to make life better. I try to give a copy to friends away every year and I would recommend this to anyone who need a little uplift. It's big on personal responsibility though and seeing things as not personal to you. I highly, Highly advise you to at least read and give this book a chance. ( )

The Four Agreements: a practical guide to personal freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book) by Don Miguel Ruiz. The author, from a family of healers and shamans in rural Mexico, chose medical school and a career as a surgeon. A near-fatal accident caused him to rethink his career choice and he eventually returned to the traditional Toltec ways. He serves now as a Toltec nagual, or shaman, and argues that each of us lives a life inextricably tied to our perceptions of the external world, both people and events.

Ruiz's guidance is to make four agreements with ourselves:
1) Be Impeccable with Your Word
2) Don't Take Anything Personally
3) Don't Make Assumptions
4) Always Do Your Best

There is also a chapter titled Breaking Old Agreements addressing ways to break free from our old perceptions, allowing us to develop and live in a new reality.

There were some very good insights in this book. It's a little awkward to read in the beginning because the author assigns quite specific meanings to words that have more general connotations in common use. Once his vocabulary is familiar, the going is much easier. I think a re-reading will be valuable.

Information contained: 4/5
Delivery: 3/5 ( )

I read this one for a Reader's Advisory class. I picked this one for the topic of "self-help/spirituality". I don't remember much about it, but I didn't think it was as hokey as I anticipated... ( )

If you are looking for, or needing, somewhere to focus your thoughts, this is a good idea. If you are feeling off balance or out of focus, this is a good idea.

Like many good ideas, once you've found the next good idea, this one is easily, and possibly unfortunately, forgotten. ( )

simplistic, easy read. Universal in its Spiritual message; not much new here, but the "four agreements," do seem (I surmise) as reasonable doctrines as any other for embarking down a spirtitual path. Best practiced and obsorbed in conjunction with other meditational / spiritual complements.

Ruiz has come up with four principles from ancient Toltec wisdom. If one adopts these four agreements, Ruiz argues, they will help bring a sense of peace and happiness to one's life. Generally the agreements sound reasonable enough: don't take things personally, say only good things about others, etc. So far, so good. But there's some serious theoretical problems that underlie Ruiz's plan. Ruiz seems to suggest that the self can determine the majority of one's experience outside of social context. He claims that society is composed of collective dreams. Even recognizing that Ruiz is infusing dreams with more importance than western culture generally does, it still strikes me that the message here is that if one has fortified one's spirit with these four principles, nothing anyone else says or does can strongly affect you. Maybe I'm too close-minded, but I just can't buy it. We all live in social and cultural worlds, and those worlds do shape our experience, whether we like it or not. ( )

The language of this book is very simple and easy-to-read; likewise, the concepts are presented in a logical, natural-feeling fashion. Can be a little redundant at times. Ruiz teaches us that we are the master of our own emotional and mental destinies. Somewhat on par with the writings of Shakti Gawain and the ideas involved in The Secret and the Law of Attraction. (If you liked those, you'll almost certainly enjoy this.) ( )

ok, this could take a while to discuss, as it is meant to be how to change your life and is meant to provide you with a practical philosophical guide for doing so.

even if the book is incredibly short.

first off I will say that, yes, I’ve read Carlos Castaneda’s books and, no, I don’t consider them to be very anthropological! they are also an exploration of and discussion of the Toltec tradition that The Four Agreements draws from. I consider all these works to be a kind of grand thought experiment which is highly interesting to read sometimes and always gives you something to think about, including your own cultural assumptions that you might not even have been aware of before. that is about as anthropological as it gets.

I don’t really want to go into the whole nagual thing; primarily as it isn’t necessary to the rest of the discussion.

The four agreements (through which it is said you can change your life from being a passive victim/active judge caught up in a never-ending cycle of condemning yourself and everyone around you for not attaining some mystical perfection that is the cultural ideal… to being more in control of your own thoughts, emotions, actions, and reactions and therefore free to live your life in love and contented peace even in the midst of this crazy world of ours… are, basically, one agreement. with three more specific aspects of the first agreement.

So, really, for the sake of honesty and felicity, the book should be entitled: The Agreement. ;p

Be impeccable with your word. That’s the main agreement.

What am I talking about, agreement? Ruiz says that we are conditioned in childhood to agree to things that we don’t really want to, but as children cannot argue much with, and that we come to think of those ways of thinking as the only possible or real ways. In fact, we forget that we ever agreed to anything at all, we just think there is only one way and that’s the way it’s always been. Mostly they are a lot of small agreements that even cancel each other out or are in conflict with each other. The example is given how a small child is happily singing and playing and her tired mother snaps at her because of a headache. The child unwittingly believes that yes, her singing must be horrible, or her mother wouldn’t have snapped. And so she no longer sings in that carefree childlike manner, ever again, because in the back of her head she thinks she sings badly, and this causes her doubt and grief. She doesn’t sing around other people, or even just for the joy of it, but only reluctantly, and if anyone overheard her, they’d hear how timid and uncomfortable she is with her singing, and so reinforce the idea she cannot sing well.

And yet, the idea that she sings badly has no real ground. Her mother just had a headache and snapped mindlessly at her. She actually sings fine. Or she used to, before she became hesitant and guilty about it, before she started comparing herself unfavorably to those who sang very well.

By agreeing with her mother’s comment, and notice the mother did not even do that on purpose, she would never have done that on purpose, the girl has actually changed the way she sings (except she doesn’t even sing anymore). As an adult she may not even remember the incident or know why she feels so self-conscious about singing. But she still has this agreement in her head (that she sings badly).

There are billions of such agreements we make in the course of a lifetime, and this book discusses how to become aware of them, change them, or get rid of them altogether.

It is, rather obviously, a formidable task.

Yet the first, and main, agreement can eventually, when followed diligently, change those other agreements which are holding us down.

Be impeccable with your word. This means using what you say, including your self-talk, positively for the best for yourself. It also includes not lying, gossiping, or saying hurtful things to others, as this can only come back to hurt you, and therefore isn’t the best for yourself.

This agreement includes the other three (basically,):
Don’t take things personally
Don’t assume
and
Always do your best

Don’t take things personally. Nothing belongs to you, you belong to no one… in the context that death could take you (or your loved ones) at any moment (all the more reason to be alive). Also because all of us literally live in our own little worlds. We interpret reality subjectively and then project that subjective reality onto everything and everyone around us. (This is actually WHY the four agreements can change your life; the way you interpret things is how you experience them.) Nothing anybody ever does is because of you and your reality, but is always because of their interpretation of reality and events, even their interpretation of your behavior.

It really isn’t about you, so don’t take it personally.

I think the idea is more that, another person’s behavior (good or bad) is not based on you or your behavior or even objective reality. it’s based on their own subjective interpretation of things. and when you interpret their behavior, keep that in mind. you have control over how you interpret what they say, think, and do; and you certainly don’t let to need their behavior dictate your response.

The way you live your life should be, well, like the prayer: with acceptance for the things you cannot change, with courage for the things you can change, and with the ability (by not assuming) to know the difference. The idea is toward a joyful acceptance of life and an unconditional love towards all life.

Don’t assume includes don’t assume what others mean, and also don’t assume what others know… which has been my personal dilemma. I have (hopefully had as I’ve been working on this for months now and I don’t do it near as often anyway) been in the habit of assuming that other people knew what I was thinking or feeling, especially those close to me. They don’t. You have to tell them, show them. You have to make the effort, just like you have to make the effort of finding out what others mean or how they feel, by asking them, etc. You can’t know their reality any other way, and they can’t know yours any other way either.

Don’t assume also includes not assuming anything about yourself, either. Find out how you sometimes gloss over your abilities or weaknesses and be more honest with yourself, ask yourself the right questions about these things. Certainly I need more work in this department, as I usually think I can either walk through walls or can do nothing at all. At least, that is something I’ve been working on.

Always do your best. As Mr. Rogers often told us, your best will vary from day to day, under different circumstances. When you are hot, hungry, and sleep-deprived, your best will not be as good as when you are comfortable, well-fed, and well-rested. But by always doing your best, the best you can at any given moment, you need never feel guilty again. If a voice in your head says, You yelled at the dog again and you know better than that, you ought to be ashamed yelling at a dog, who doesn’t even understand and only wants to please you… You can stop all that negative self-talk with “I did my best, and my best will get better.” It also works when others judge you or speak down to you; you can always answer “I did my best”.

And, your best will get better, because practicing putting these agreements into action makes it easier to do over time.

This book leaves questions but perhaps that is a good way to get started on the road to reinventing your life: asking questions. Not saying it is a philosophical masterpiece, but surely an interesting think.

There is ongoing discussion about the book here: http://www.43things.com/things/view/8... ( )

This book is essential. It's principles underlie everything else involving human relations --self awareness, negotiation, mediation, self help, relationships. They all depend on your ability to apply the 4 Agreements.
The mythology is a method to put the Agreements in perspective, but it is not necessary to adopt or agree with, although it is intriguing. ( )

When a new look on life is needed, try reading this book. It can open even the most closed mind to a more pure view on the world and how to prosper on a personal level. ( )

Written in overly simplified wording, but has important content... ( )

I spent the first two-thirds of the book feeling prickly, resentful that Ruiz attached profundity to what I saw as simplistic, sometimes obvious self-proclaimed Toltec revelations. I felt that the second agreement of the four--never take anything personally--was especially difficult to swallow. The premise--nothing that anyone does is really about you, and you should never have any particular reaction to it--seemed to conflict his other arguments. Ruiz suggests that we should never Judge ourselves (his capitalization), never nitpick our motivations and berate ourselves, but act out of love and follow the other three agreements, which bolster this (admittedly very acceptable) notion.

However, this second agreement seems to set us up for grief and failure: in his worldview, we should never be offended or hurt by others' actions. If you are hurt or angered, he explains, that is your own "emotional poison" and you should overcome it. But I think there's a logical problem here, one that becomes an emotional one quickly. Say, for example, your spouse cheats on you. Sure, you can argue that he or she didn't do this because of you, but because of their own world. But how is this comforting? Is the notion really that this shouldn't affect me? And if it does--because, realistically, who wouldn't be at least gently saddened by this--it seems that Ruiz' argument is that you are full of fear and poison. Thus if I were to be hurt I'd start doing exactly what he commands against: judging myself for feeling hurt. Seems like a recipe for angst.

The last third of the book was the most valuable to me. It leaves the four agreements behind, or at least, softens focus on them, and discusses approaches to a life based on love and joy versus one of fear and darkness. Not the most novel ideas, but universal ones that appeal. I do appreciate his optimism and grace of storytelling here.

This book came highly recommended from people who I would in turn highly recommend, so I believe there is something to be had from it for most people. The other three agreements that didn't bug me are reasonable, and I'm especially fond of the first and the last ("be impeccable with your word" and "always do your best"). ( )

A rehashing of basic New Age concepts, given a toltec spin. If you have read a lot of New Age literature, this will be old stuff. If you are new to the genre it might move you greatly. There are gems here, but he overplays his hand too often. ( )

"Be impeccable with your word.
Don't take anything personally.
Don't make assumptions.
Always do your best." ( )

Though this book contains much wisdom, one has to dig through the book's mythology to get to it. I found the mythology and terminology made it harder for me to understand the concepts, not easier. But everyone id different, your mileage may vary. ( )

Full of simple wisdom; to me, a condensed version of The Twelve Steps. ( )

The agreements are 1) Be impeccable with your word; 2) Don’t take anything personally; 3) Don’t make assumptions; 4) Always do your best. Some good things to take from the book. Worth a quick read. ( )

#82, 2004

I got this book via BookRelay; I'd been interested in reading it for some time, but never picked up a copy before. I enjoyed it, although it took me a little while to get used to the author's "voice," and to make the paradigm shift into his terminology - life (and all consciousness) as a dream that we're all dreaming together. He also uses terms like "black and white magic" in a different way than I'm used to hearing them. He doesn't mean people actively casting spells, but he calls the way we treat one another a form of magic. Part of this dreaming is the fact that we make "agreements" with ourselves and the rest of the universe from the time we are born - things that we accept as true, whether or not they really are true. Some of these agreements cause us to judge or victimise ourselves, but we can replace harmful beliefs with nurturing ones, and change our experience of life from one of "hell" to "heaven on earth." There wasn't much content here that was really new for me - he talks about the two dynamics being love and fear, similar to what Gary Zukav says, and there is some similarity to work I did with the Life Training Programme (most notably that we need to take out negative "agreements" and replace them with positive ones). He also speaks of the need to actively go to battle with our negative beliefs, and become a spiritual warrior. He says it is possible to do this by committing oneself to the Four Agreements that will allow one to fight off the negative beliefs that cause us to suffer. They are: 1) Be impeccable with your word; 2) Don't take anything personally; 3) Don't make assumptions; and 4) Always do your best.

Like I said, not much was new here for me, but I did find it beneficial to hear things put in a slightly different way - sometimes a concept really clicks that way. I like the way he presented the four agreements, and over the past few days I have found myself remembering them. It's nice to have just a single phrase to bring to mind - for example, someone does something that makes me feel angry, wondering why they did it, and I can just remember, "Don't make assumptions (about the person's motive), and don't take it personally." So far, I have found it genuinely helpful. I'm passing this book along to someone else, via BookRelay, so I've put some of the agreements into my own words below, and also copied out a few passages that I found particularly resonant, for future reference.

~ Be impeccable with your word - Meaning, make sure that you always speak truth. Our word is how we create things in reality, and when the word is used from a space of love, it spreads peace and happiness; when used in fear, it creates envy, anger, jealousy and other types of suffering. Do not gossip, and take care that you always speak "without sin" - or, without doing anything that would bring harm to yourself.

~ Don't take things personally - There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally. You become immune to black magicians, and no spell can affect you regardless of how strong it may be. The whole world can gossip about you, and if you don't take it personally, you are immune. Someone can intentionally send emotional poison, you will not eat it. When you don't take the emotional poison, it becomes even worse in the sender, but not in you.

~ Don't make assumptions - This is another way to find peace. Rather than worrying about what people are thinking about you, make the effort to *ask*, or simply not to worry about it. It causes a lot of unnecessary suffering (I think his stand is that all suffering is, ultimately, unnecessary). Also, when we assume we know what people mean with their actions, we often respond by sending emotional poison out, feeling a need to make the other person wrong, so we feel right - this just makes everything that much worse.

~ Always do your best - This is a way of making sure you do not leave yourself being open to being judged - by *yourself* (not others). We are always our harshest critics, and harshest abusers, but when we do our personal best (which, of course, varies from moment to moment), we can eliminate the need to judge or victimise ourselves for not living up to our own (usually impossibly) high standards. He also stresses that it is not easy to follow these four agreements all the time, but that we should just keep doing our *best* in every moment, and when we break an agreement with ourselves, we need to just remember to recommit.

Here are some of the things he says about Heaven on earth:

~ I want you to see yourself living a new life, a new dream, a life where you don't need to justify your existence and you are free to be who you really are.

~ Imagine that you have permission to be happy and to really enjoy your life. Your life is free of conflict with yourself and with others.

~ Imagine living your life without fear of expressing your dreams. You know what you want, what you don't want, and when you want it. You are free to change your life the way you really want to. You are not afraid to ask for what you need, to say yes or no to anything or anyone.

~ Imagine living your life without the fear of being judged by others. You no longer rule your behaviour according to what others may think about you. You are no longer responsible for anyone's opinion. You have no need to control anyone, and no one controls you, either.

~ Imagine living your life without judging others. You can easily forgive others and let go of any judgements that you have. You don't have the need to be right, and you don't need to make anyone else wrong. You respect yourself and everyone else, and they respect you in return.

~ Imagine living without the fear of loving and not being loved. You are no longer afraid to be rejected, and you don't have the need to be accepted. You can say, "I love you" with no shame or justification. You can walk in the world with your heart completely open, and not be afraid to be hurt.

~ Imagine living your life without being afraid to take a risk and to explore life. You are not afraid to take a risk and to explore life. You are not afraid to lose anything. You are not afraid to be alive in the world, and you are not afraid to die.

~ Imagine that you love yourself just the way you are. You love your body just the way it is, and you love your emotions just the way they are. You know that you are perfect just as you are.

I found a lot of valuable information in this book. I would recommend it, although I also think it's a book to which some people (perhaps a lot of people) won't connect, mostly because of the style in which it is written. ( )