I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A New Attitude Toward Relationships And Romance (original 1997; edition 1997)

This is a book I’ve tried to read previously but DNFed. Reading it this time around, some of the content was vaguely familiar and I have an idea of where I stopped before but this didn’t take away from the experience seeing the concepts from a more mature perspective.
Regular readers will have noticed a bit of a theme in my reading recently. I’m reading a lot about Christian dating. Or not dating, as the case may be. I’ve worked my way through the Ludy’s books and Joshua Harris is next on the list (I have his second book all lined up and ready to go). I’m not sure who wrote first but it was nice to see the Ludys pop up as newly weds in this book.
But back to I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Mr Harris wrote this book as an unmarried, non-dating 21 year old. In it, he tells the reader the ‘story so far’ of his love life. He made a lot of mistakes (and so have I) before finding a better model for romantic relationships. Or, rather, the romantic relationship – because he doesn’t intend to have another serious relationship until it’s one he knows is leading towards marriage. Despite his youth, Mr Harris writes authoritatively, drawing on his own experience and other sources. The last part of the book, looking at that marriage-bound relationship, lacks a little of this confidence and it’s clear he’s giving the views of others rather than his own experience. This is something I hope will be addressed in his later work.

I resisted reading this book a lot. Mostly because I've encountered some very smug "we do courtship!" type of people who think date is a four letter word. If you have those qualms about reading this book, just pick it up & read the introduction - he isn't that extreme. Later on in the book there's a great chapter about how to talk about your not dating without putting people off.

Because of my own life, I've actually come to many of the same conclusions that Joshua reaches, so my hesitation to read his book was really a disservice to him, though I don't know how I would have responded had I not already come to most of his conclusions before reading the book. He is concerned that we do not view dating purity as a specific line in the sand, be it intercourse, kissing or something else physical, but as a total mindset that says "I have no right to emotional or physical intimacy with someone unless I'm ready to be married to that person (& for most levels of intimacy AM married to that person)."

He challenges people not to waste their time & energy of singleness on a pursuit of romantic involvement that does not lead to a lasting commitment, so if you aren't ready for marriage, don't hurt yourself or others by playing at marriage & toying with emotions & purity. Take advantage of singleness, work hard at what you need to do to get ready & get ready. He outlines ways in which one can prepare yourself for marriage - the real work that is marriage. (When he first wrote this, he wasn't married, but, as I have been married, he's got some really great points!) He points out the need to examine someone's character, to get to know them, serving alongside them or engaging in other activities with them, mostly as a group, where the focus isn't one another, it's that other thing you have in common.

This is a really great book & I think much regret & pain could be spared young people by reading it & taking what he has to say seriously. There's no point in wrapping your heart around someone when you are in your teens, it probably won't work out & you'll have lost a chance to have a friendship with that person, or all the other people you ignored while dating. Read it, listen to him, he's on the right track. ( )

Joshua Harris'sI Kissed Dating Good-Bye is a book that simply talks about how God helps us through relationships and how to handle them. The author shares some real life occurrences from his past. The dos and don’ts of dating are also mentioned. This book is non-fiction. Therefore, there are no characters.On the cover, a man is tilting a hat over his face. It seems appropriate for the book because it seems like the man is saying good-bye to serious love and dating relationships.I would recommend this book to anybody who is having troubles with certain individuals with love, or anyone who is seeking God’s help to find the right one for life. ( )

Joshua Harris offers a candid view of dating from the male viewpoint, and doles out advice for a better way, courtship. This book helps readers better understand the values of courtship as the foundation of a lasting marriage. Harris's view will help guide Christian teens on a path that is not popular in most high schools. The religious overtones and Biblical scripture references are not appealing to all readers. With his frank, conversational writing style, Harris has readers plugged in beginning with the introduction. This novel makes a great self-help text for teens who are struggling with a romantic relationship.

I would recommend this book to any young adult who is unsure as to how one should approach the realm of dating. Unlike the title suggests, the reader is not encouraged to completely forego the search for that special someone. ( )