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I Need Your Love - Is That True?: How to…
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I Need Your Love - Is That True?: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and…

by Byron Katie, Michael Katz

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I was in a bit of a funk this evening. A lot of a funk, actually. I got my first MA essay results back, and I wasn't happy with them. At all. And I blamed everyone else for how horrid I felt. And then I stumbled on this tucked away in the recesses of my Kindle: I read Loving What Is a while ago. I don't remember picking this up, but I do remember finding Byron Katie's work powerful and helpful, even if I didn't agree with it.

A lot of the issues I wasn't happy with in Loving What Is seem to be addressed here. I felt more comfortable with it, anyway. There is one part where she essentially says that for a woman to stay with a man who hits her, she's hurting herself through his fists. I don't think she means that a woman who stays with a man who hits her is hurt through her own fault; she's saying that the woman doesn't leave that relationship because of the things she's telling herself, which might include the idea that she deserves it. Something within herself is holding her back from leaving -- fear, self-hatred, whatever -- and that isn't her fault. It just is.

I can see how that would make people uncomfortable, and how it is victim blaming in a sense. But there's something empowering in realising that a lot of what is holding you back is you, yourself.

This book is mainly about relationships, and given that I have a lot of issues with friendship and family, I think it's probably been quite helpful. The idea of the turnaround is maybe the best part. I was upset because my mother was disappointed in me -- the original thought. I was upset because I was disappointed in me -- a turnaround: I'd expected better, I'd wanted to be perfect first time round, I couldn't accept that my mark was still perfectly acceptable, even good. Another turnaround: I wasn't upset because my mother was disappointed in me -- that's just the way she is, and I love her the way she is. She can't be any other way.

And maybe the most true: my mother isn't disappointed in me. When I think about it, she might not like my low marks, but she read the essays and thought they were wonderful. She does believe in me, she thinks I can do no wrong. She probably thinks that the markers were stupid for not understanding my line of argument.

"The Work", as Byron Katie calls it, doesn't solve things all in one go. But even just stopping and asking yourself if a thought is true and then turning it around to see other things that might be true, once in a while, can really help. ( )
  shanaqui | Apr 9, 2013 |
Good concepts, interesting view of compartmentalizing life. ( )
  bunny0055 | Aug 16, 2012 |
I Need Your Love - Is That True?
How To Find All The Love, Approval And Appreciation You Ever Wanted
by Byron Katie
Michael Katz


This book is a way out for people pleasers and co-dependents every where. I felt the love right from the beginning and as I saw Byron's smiling face on the cover I just knew I was in capable and gentle hands. I was totally impressed by the way she took each of my excuses and broke them down so I could see them for the lies and stumbling blocks they are.

Contained within this fabulous doorway out of pain I found wonderful topics like seeking approval, controlling relationships, and many many more, each with examples and exercises of how to move on to happier and healthier pastures. The key to loving others is to first loving yourself, a simple concept but one that had eluded me for years. From the help offered in this book I am getting more of a glimpse of freedom and hope to finally putting me first. I would recommend this book to anyone who like myself struggles with relationships of all kinds and really wants to learn new ways to not lose yourself.

Love & Light,

Riki Frahmann ( )
  biunicorn | Mar 16, 2012 |
Life really is so much simpler when you stop seeking the approval of people... ( )
  EbonyHaywood | Jan 2, 2010 |
Here Katies takes the issues she raises in her first book, and goes more in depth with them. This is really a companion book to Loving What Is. While her system is pretty easy in some ways, it really helps to see it fleshed out. (Her new book adds even more to the understanding of her concepts.) ( )
  Arctic-Stranger | Mar 12, 2007 |
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Amazon.com Product Description (ISBN 0307345300, Paperback)

In Loving What Is, bestselling author Byron Katie introduced thousands of people to her simple and profound method of finding happiness through questioning the mind. Now, I Need Your LoveIs That True? examines a universal, age-old source of anxiety: our relationships with others. In this groundbreaking book, Katie helps you question everything you have been taught to do to gain love and approval. In doing this, you discover how to find genuine love and connection.

The usual advice offered in self-help books and reinforced by our culture advocates a stressful, all-consuming quest for love and approval. We are advised to learn self-marketing and manipulative skills—how to attract, impress, seduce, and often pretend to be something we aren’t. This approach doesn’t work. It leaves millions of walking wounded—those who, having failed to find love or appreciation, blame themselves and conclude that they are unworthy of love.

I Need Your LoveIs That True? helps you illuminate every area in your life where you seem to lack what you long for most—the love of your spouse, the respect of your child, a lover’s tenderness, or the esteem of your boss. Through its penetrating inquiry, you will quickly discover the falseness of the accepted ways of seeking love and approval, and also of the mythology that equates love with need. Using the method in this book, you will inquire into painful beliefs that you’ve based your whole life on—and be delighted to see them evaporate. Katie shows you how unraveling the knots in the search for love, approval, and appreciation brings real love and puts you in charge of your own happiness.


“Everyone agrees that love is wonderful, except when it’s terrible. People spend their whole lives tantalized by love—seeking it, trying to hold on to it, or trying to get over it. Not far behind love, as major preoccupations, come approval and appreciation. From childhood on, most people spend much of their energy in a relentless pursuit of these things, trying out different methods to be noticed, to please, to impress, and to win other people’s love, thinking that’s just the way life is. This effort can become so constant and unquestioned that we barely notice it anymore.

This book takes a close look at what works and what doesn’t in the quest for love and approval. It will help you find a way to be happier in love and more effective in all your relationships. What you learn here will bring fulfillment to all kinds of relationships, including romantic love, dating, marriage, work, and friendship.” —Byron Katie


From the Hardcover edition.

(retrieved from Amazon Mon, 30 Sep 2013 13:32:46 -0400)

(see all 2 descriptions)

The author explores the individual quest for love, approval, and appreciation and presents useful insights into how to approach casual friendships, workplace relations, and romantic and intimate relationships.

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