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I Hate You—Don't Leave Me: Understanding…

I Hate You—Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

by Jerold J. Kreisman

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Gave me a clear idea of BPD. I'm not sure how factually updated and accurate this book currently is but it was very readable to me and, sadly, relatable. ( )
  Proustitutes | Jun 11, 2015 |
Described as the definitive work on the subject of borderline personality disorder (BPD), this book is informative and interesting to read. It does a great job of describing the current diagnostic tools and some of the methods of treatment that are helpful for people suffering from BPD. There is also some interesting discussion of societal trends and their possible impact on the increase in incidence of BPD. I appreciated the description of BPD as being on a spectrum like autism, as well as the acknowledgment that it is difficult to diagnose and to treat and that better diagnostic tools are needed. I especially l found the chapters on how to communicate with a person with BPD very useful.
There were also some things about the book that really, really annoyed me. First of all, I didn't really find the case studies helpful. They were all too similar. Similar age of patient, similar life history, etc. The biggest drawback to the book was the huge amount of time spent in a Freudian analysis of how bad parenting (particularly mothering) causes BPD. I am not arguing with the solid evidence of higher occurrence of BPD in persons with abusive parents or childhood trauma. What I object to is the complete lack of discussion about the occurrence of BPD in persons with no trauma or abuse in their past and no obvious indicators. Surely there are patients who have nice families and haven't been abused who still end up with BPD? ( )
  nittnut | Jun 7, 2015 |
For a newly-revised book, this volume sure feels old.

Some of that is inevitable. Borderline Personality Disorder is a curious thing -- the name arose because it was thought to be on the borderline between being neurotic (quirky but not really "crazy") and psychotic (flat-out delusional). But recent examination doesn't back that up, so it ended up among the Personality Disorders. And the Personality Disorders themselves are difficult concepts. In 2013, when the American Psychiatric Association was preparing the fifth edition of its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, the section on Personality Disorders was voted down. This meant that the old definitions from the fourth edition were left standing. And the fourth edition hadn't substantially modified the definitions from the third edition! So this book was describing a condition that is still defined in a manner that is almost forty years old.

But that isn't the real problem. The real problem is that this volume shows almost no sign of the advances in neurology that have come in the decades since its first edition was published. Surely, by now, we must have some clue as to what causes Borderline Personality Disorder, as we do with schizophrenia and depression and even autism. Surely we do, but you won't know it from this book.

The treatment methods involved are also rather out-of-date. The whole book sounds as if it's based on psychodynamics -- the treatment model that goes back to Freud, and that is now almost completely ignored in clinical practice. But this book not only gives us a psychodynamic examination of individuals, it even gives us a psychodynamic view of our whole society -- a society, it argues, that encourages "borderline-ism." I suspect that, to some extent, the authors are right. But it all felt very irrelevant to me.

That doesn't make it entirely useless. That title, I Hate You -- Don't Leave Me, in itself tells you a lot about the nature of Borderline Personality Disorder. BPD is marked by an extremely maladaptive way of relating to others mixed with a desperate need for acceptance. So a person with BPD can be yelling and screaming and apparently hating a person while being desperate for comfort and companionship. It's a very difficult affliction to understand for those who come at it from outside.

This book has been a bestseller, so I assume its insights have been helpful for many. But I couldn't help but wish for more. ( )
  waltzmn | Apr 19, 2015 |
Rating: 2.5 of 5

A quick read, I'm not sure I Hate You, Don't Leave Me would prove all that enlightening, or even helpful, for anyone seeking a deep examination of borderline personalities. It's rather broad except for the case studies, which weren't varied enough, in my opinion.

Chapter 4 - The Borderline Society was interesting, but readers have to make certain allowances for the year the book was published (1989) and realize a lot of the information, analyses and statistics are probably outdated.

"The ever-growing reverence for science and technology has led to an obsessive pursuit of precision. Calculators and computers replace memorized multiplication tables and slide rules. Velcro deprives children of learning how to tie shoelaces. Creativity and intellectual diligence are sacrificed to convenience and precision (p.67)."

Chapter 5 - Understanding and Healing offered more actionable insight than previous chapters.

"Psychological change requires resisting unproductive automatic reflexes and consciously and willfully choosing other alternatives - choices that are different, even opposite, from automatic reflex - sometimes these new ways of behaving are frightening, but they hopefully are more efficient ways of coping (p.90)."

Overall, it did not contain the information I was looking for. ( )
  flying_monkeys | Apr 14, 2013 |
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PREFACE [2010 revised edition]
When the first edition of I Hate You—Don't Leave Me was published in 1989, very little information was available to the general public on the subject of Borderline Personality Disorder.
Chapter One       
The World of the Borderline
Dr. White thought it would all be relatively straightforward.
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Amazon.com Product Description (ISBN 0380713055, Mass Market Paperback)

People with Borderline Personality Disorder experience such violent and frightening mood swings that they often fear for their sanity. They can be euphoric one moment, despairing and depressed the next. They show symptoms such as: a shaky sense of identity; sudden violent outbursts; oversensitivity to real or imagined rejection; brief, turbulent love affairs; frequent periods of intense depression; eating disorders, drug abuse, and other self-destructive tendencies; an irrational fear of abandonment and an inability to be alone. For years BPD was difficult to describe, diagnose, and treat. But now, for the first time, Dr. Jerold J. Kreisman and health writer Hal Straus offer much-needed professional advice, helping victims and their families to understand and cope with this troubling, shockingly widespread affliction.

(retrieved from Amazon Thu, 12 Mar 2015 18:14:53 -0400)

(see all 3 descriptions)

"For years BPD was difficult to describe, diagnose, and treat. But with this classic guide, Dr. Jerold J. Kreisman and health writer Hal Staraus offer much-needed professional advice, helping victims and their families understand and cope with this troubling, shockingly widespread affliction. This completely revised and updated edition includes information on the most up-to-date research that has opened doors to the neurobiological, genetic, and developmental roots of the disorder, as well as the connections between BPD and substance abuse, sexual abuse, post-traumatic stress disorder, ADHD, and eating disorders, making it a vital reference for understanding and living with BPD" --Cover, p. 4.… (more)

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Penguin Australia

An edition of this book was published by Penguin Australia.

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