Nothing groundbreaking in these pages but it is a great idea about making sure that the way you are showing love to your loved ones is being heard/received in the way you intend. The author admits that we all probably need a bit of each of the love languages, but that we all have a primary love language that speaks loudest to us. Sometimes it is hard to guess the love language of those around you, but i would venture to say it is necessary.

There about 1-2 quotes from the bible in each chapter, but I would not say that it would get in the way of a non-Christian being able to understand and appreciate the main ideas from the book since the tenets of the book are not tied to any religion, (and are not far from common sense).

Communication between spouses, is taught in this couples guide to work as a team.

A good book. Based on the premise - do onto others as they want done. Don't assume doing things that what you like will be liked by your partner (or anyone else). Find out what they like and do that. ( )

This was a very interesting book. I've seen it recommended by many people over the past few years, and I can see why; it really teaches you to look at not only how you communicate, but what types of communication are most rewarding for you. It does have a strong Christian message, but that shouldn't deter folks of other faiths. I'm critical of most relationship type books because they tend to be corny or preachy. This one feels... well, friendly. I can see why his seminars draw big crowds.

I found out I'm an Acts of Service kind of gal. I guess that explains why I love baking cookies for my husband to take to work, and why I get so mad if I'm the only one who changes diapers all day long. I like to do things for others, and yet I get resentful if the favor isn't returned sometimes. I really hadn't thought of that as my love language before, and yet it makes perfect sense. ( )

Interesting, but didn't really tell me anything I didn't already know. ( )

I like the idea behind this book, and like how it is written in a way that simplifies the subject matter. The book is easy to read and understand. I like the differentiation made between feeling in love, and actual love. It is simple, and won't cover every circumstance and situation, but is a good starting point in understanding how we each process things in different ways. ( )

Gary Chapman understands how to simply explain different ways in which we show love, how we feel most loved and opens up insight on other people's preferences. It's a must for couples who want to deepen their relationship and understand each others differences. ( )

It's pop psychology at its best, light, deep and interesting at the same time. it's designed to make you slap your forehead. i love the concept of love languages. I'm going to incorporate it into my writing from now on. it made a lot of sense to me. And I love lists. ^_^ ( )

EVERYbody needs to read this book! It made a PHENOMENAL difference in my marriage once I learned the "love language" of my husband. It also improved my relationships with my children and even with friends and extended family members.It is a very easy and enjoyable read. ( )

A wonderful book. My wife and I have spent some quality time together reading this book before bed each night. It has been an eye-opening read! Recommended to me by friends, I highly recommend this book to others! ( )

This is an amazing book, especially helpful for anyone in a romantic relationship. My fiancee and I received this as part of our Pre-Cana class (required for our marriage in the Catholic Church).

It encourages more communication between partners by showing you that each person expresses and feels love in different ways. For example, my top two "Love Languages" are Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation: meaning that I feel most loved when my partner holds my hand or tells me he loves me, as opposed to when he takes out the trash for me or buys me flowers. It's also helpful to know what your partner's love languages are, so that you express your love in a way that makes sense and has meaning to him.

In short- an eye-opening book, good for both you and those you love! ( )

I must admit that when a friend lent me this book, I was skeptical. For a start it was a self-help book. And then it was purple. And, most disturbingly, it had a heart on the cover.

But after all that, it turned out to be a valuable read, not only for myself but also for my partner. In fact, our subsequent discussions around the various expressions of love covered in the book were entertaining, informative and at times enlightening.

While I have reservations around the author's implied anti-divorce position, and occasional mention of religion seems unnecessary and alienating to non-Christian readers, for those willing to overlook these points The Five Love Languages remains a practical resource for those seeking to improve their communication skills. ( )

In THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES, Gary Chapman explores what he believes is the cause of all marital dysfunction and breakdown: the different languages in which love can be expressed. According to Chapman, we each respond to one of the five “love languages”–affirmation, time, gifts, service, and touch–and will only feel sufficiently loved when we’re being spoken to by our mates in that language.

The breakdown of the five love languages was fascinating, but Chapman’s “love is a choice” philosophy is so bogus, it’s not even funny. It’s that kind of bass-ackwards thinking that lead many people into unhealthy relationships in the first place, and he wants to keep them there? Please.

According to Chapman, “real love” is a benign act we engage in willingly–like picking up cereal or refilling the gas tank on the way home from work–while being “in love” is a fabricated emotion built on obsession.

“…falling in love is not real love,” writes Chapman, “because it is effortless. Whatever we do in the in-love state requires little discipline or conscious effort on our part.”

The points Chapman makes are valid, but he approaches them with the kind of anti-divorce tunnel vision that is far too common in these kinds of books. You can no more choose to love someone than you can choose to be a blond-haired, blue-eyed mermaid who lives in an oversized clam shell off the coast of Maine. Oh, sure, you can bleach your hair, pop in a pair of contact lenses, and pretend you’re a mermaid who lives in a clam shell off the coast of Maine, but that doesn’t make it real.

And that’s exactly the point I’m getting at. Chapman derides the “in love” feeling as being synthetic emotion, and yet, when push comes to shove, insists that when it comes to “real love”, choosing to fake it is the way to go. Um. I don’t have any fancy-schmancy degrees to back me up, but if you ask me, a forced act of love is about as genuine and meaningful as an effortless act of obsession. It’s the wavering between the two extremes that leaves this book cold and sterile. I imagine the real “real love” is a happy medium between those two extremes–neither self-destrucive nor impotent.

All in all, I’d say the author gets it about half right, as much as his own personal values will let him. I would’ve been more pleased if the focus had been on choices made and physical actions done out of love than a crash course on how to fake it ’til you make it. There are a multitude of reasons why two partners fail to make a real and lasting connection with each other, and not every divorce is a failure. Sometimes that’ the only way for the family unit to survive without being severely damaged. Asserting that we should all assign blame where there should be none is nothing but a recipe for resentment.

Rating: C-

Would be very helpful if both partners would read and exercise these strategies. ( )

I learned more about my wife by reading this book than any other book out in print. Read this to help your marriage, save your marriage. This book will change you marriage for the best. ( )

A good treatise on living with your spouse and being happy. The book is straight-forward and just the right complexity level. ( )

In this post, I would like to provide a general review of The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. As a Christian and pastor, I have some concerns about The Five Love Languages(FLL) with respect to its central message and practical outworking in the lives of Christians. To simplify this post, why don’t I lay out some positives and negatives?

Positives:
1. FLL is correct in revealing that love is expressed in many different ways. I think that the term “languages” is a good metaphor.
2. It is true that people experience love in different ways. I think understanding this can be helpful to a mate desiring to love his/her spouse effectively. “We must be willing to learn our spouse’s primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love” (Chapman 15).
3. FLL does well to reveal that people do tend to express love according to the way they wish to receive it. I fear this is clearly an aspect of one’s fallen nature, but nevertheless true.
4. FLL is correct to reveal that when people do not get what they want, unpleasant emotions, actions, and behaviors are often the response.
5. Chapman does well to encourage readers to consider the preferences and interests of their spouses.
6. Chapman rightly explains that love is a primary aspect of Christianity.

Negatives:
1. FLL is low on Scripture and high on man-made wisdom. Across 175 pages, Scripture is referenced 10 times, most of which are afterthoughts. 9 of the 14 chapters have no Scriptural backing.
2. FLL majors on psychology, not theology – often without considering Scriptural insight. When Scripture is quoted, it is employed as a proof-text for the premise proposed by worldly wisdom. (Ex: 1 Cor 13:13; Chapman 20)
3. FLL states that the greatest need/purpose of mankind is to feel loved. Scripture teaches that mankind’s greatest need/purpose is to love God, repent of sin, and know Christ.
4. FLL does not explain, involve, or mention the gospel in its treatment of human affairs. Instead, it is suggested that the central problem in life and relationships is a lack of love. Likewise, FLL proposes that the issues surrounding love are the cause and solution to Man’s problems. “Meeting my wife’s need for love is a choice I make each day. If I know her primary love language and choose to speak it, her deepest emotional need will be met and she will feel secure in my love” (Chapman 132) [emphasis mine].
5. FLL does not address or mention sin and suggests that all human suffering, ill tempers, depression, interpersonal problems, broken marriages, misbehavior/delinquency of children, etc…are caused by an “empty emotional love tank.” This line of reasoning encourages readers to aspire toward receiving love and self-love in order to solve the problems of life and distracts attention away from the true and biblical source of evil in the world. Chapman writes, “With a full tank would couples be able to create an emotional climate where it is possible to discuss differences and resolve conflicts? Could that tank be the key that makes marriage work” (Chapman 23). “Most sexual problems in marriage have little to do with physical technique but everything to do with meeting emotional needs” (Chapman 121). “When the [emotional] tank is low…we have no love feelings toward our spouse but simply experience emptiness and pain” (Chapman 150). The Bible proclaims that the key to all relationships is self-denial and prioritizing God’s pleasure and approval over all other priorities (James 4).
6. With respect to marriage, FLL suggests that “the need to feel loved by one’s spouse is at the heart of marital desires” (Chapman 22). In so doing, Chapman sets up a self-centered view of marriage in which the reader’s primary goal should be to feel love. Scripture reveals that man’s problems are caused on many levels by a desire to be loved or love self, which is sin (2 Timothy 3:2-5).
7. FLL encourages a self-centered mentality, rather than a Christ-centered orientation of thought, motive, and deed (Chapman 68, 75, 98). Granted, aspirations to receive love are not blatantly proposed. Instead, by premise, Chapman’s model is based upon a give-to-get approach. The reader is encouraged to embrace the thought that if he/she scratches the spouses back, it is likely that the spouse will scratch his/hers which is a veiled form of self-interest – For instance, ‘I’ll scratch your back, knowing that you will probably scratch mine in return.’ “I am not suggesting verbal flattery in order to get your spouse to do something you want. The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love. It is a fact, however, that when we receive affirming words we are far more likely to be motivated to reciprocate and do something our spouse desires” (Chapman 42).
8. FLL exalts worldly self-esteem over biblical self-denial.
9. FLL presents an unbiblical view and practice of assessing self-worth. Readers are encouraged to find their significance in their spouse, not in Christ and in light of the gospel. “My sense of self-worth is fed by the fact that my spouse loves me. After all, if he/she loves me, I must be worth loving. My parents may have given me negative or mixed messages about my worth, but my spouse knows me as an adult and loves me. Her love builds my self-esteem” (Chapman 139).
10. With respect to parenting, FLL encourages parents to prescribe love rather than repentance to misbehaving children. “If the emotional need is not met, they may violate acceptable standards, expressing anger toward parents who did not meet their needs, and seeking love in inappropriate places…Most misbehavior in children and teenagers can be traced to empty love tanks…The growing number of adolescents who run away from home and clash with the law indicate that many parents who may have sincerely tried to express their love to their children have been speaking the wrong love language” (Chapman 163-175). This view walks hand in hand with post-modern thought, transferring responsibility for sin to those who have wronged the sinner.
11. With respect to marriage, FLL discounts the powerful working of God in marriage and leaves all results in the hands of fallen men and women. In addition, the model set forth by Chapman rests on a purely horizontal level, disregarding the vertical (mankind/God) aspect of biblical marriage. There is no real place for the pleasure of the Triune God as the object of love and the goal of marriage.
12. FLL suggests that divorce, an increasing problem for Christians today, is caused by an empty emotional love tank (174-175). This teaching contradicts Jesus’ view/teaching in which He stated that divorce is the result of hard-heartedness (Matthew 19:8; Mark 10:5).

As Christians strive for ministry that is increasingly “theology-driven,” I am reminded of Paul’s words which say, “In pointing out these things to the brethren, you will be a good servant of Christ Jesus, constantly nourished on the words of the faith and of the sound doctrine which you have been following” (1 Timothy 4:6). As you know, teachers and pastors will be held to a stricter judgment than those they shepherd (James 3:1). Therefore, the Scriptures demand that they be critically-minded and protective of what is placed before people. For the above reasons, I do not think this is a suitable resource. ( )

THis was an extremely informative book in that I now understand why some of my previous relationships have failed. We were talking different love languages and didn't know it. ( )

Awesome book! It's helped me better understand how to communicate with my husband, sister, parents and even close friends. ( )

You've got to read this book. It will open your eyes in terms of understanding your spouse. It is a quick, easy read with simple ideas that will make a profound difference in your relationship. ( )

While I can't say I completely agree with the idea (there are specifically 5 love languages, and everyone has "one" which is their main language), the concepts taught are mind boggling excellent.

Together with "Divorce Busting", these two books saved my marriage (quite literally, as in getting divorced to together & happy for the last 5 years)

Relationships are about communication, and this book nails communication on the head. Simply put, people communicate differently, and without excellent communication of your needs, your partner may not understand why you don't feel "loved".

To this day (many years after our initial read), I just have to say "my love tank is getting empty", and my wife knows exactly what I'm talking about. Sounds cheezy (and potentially dirty), but I really don't care if it improves our relationship.

Even adding to the usefulness of the book, it also shows how to have a better relationship with people outside of your family. I now understand why one person throws around compliments (and that they'd like them back), someone else is always jumping to help people, etc.

Of course if you look deeply into these problems, it is all common sense (do the same nice things to others as they do to people they like), but it breaks it all down into 5 easy to understand areas.

Anyway, great book, highly recommend it. ( )

Discusses what the author terms the five specific languages of love: quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch, and how to apply the right principles and learn the correct language to communicate more clearly in the marriage relationship.

This is a fabulous book that takes a look at the five love languages that every human being speaks. It's a wonderful read, and really helped me out a lot in my marriage! ( )

This book encourages couples to work as a team and understand one anothers love languages without it placing blame on either couple ( )

The Five Love Languages by Dr Gary Chapman was a good read, it is a book I am glad to have. Though Dr Chapman seems to write from a Christian perspective he uses little from God's Word; this is slightly troubling in what I remember being touted as a Christian book, but at the same time it makes the book usable for a person with objections to Christianity. For Christians and Non-Christians alike this book should be useful to help marriages, to help spouses show better what love they have for each other. But at the same time this book does not address any of the spiritual concerns of marriage.