Reviewed by coollibrarianchick for TeensReadToo.com

I just finished a book, after running back to the beach because it was mistakenly left there, that I am going to pass on to everyone looking for a good book to read. HAVE YOU FOUND HER by Janice Erlbaum was a gut-wrenching, pull-at-your-heart strings, can't-put-it-down memoir. It actually reads like a novel, a suspenseful one at that, full of plot twists and turns. I finished it in two days. The little blurb I read about it in my local library's Bookpage didn't do the book justice.

Janice Erlbaum one day decided to volunteer at a homeless shelter for teens in NYC. Very noble of her, don't you think? Volunteering at this one homeless shelter was more than just an act of graciousness for her. Twenty years ago, she lived at that shelter for a time. She wanted to do something for these kids, show that you can change your situation and become successful. Janice definitely changed her life for the better. Now she is a successful author, living in a nice apartment with her husband (or domestic partner, as she calls him) and three cats.

At first, the volunteering doesn't go very well. Her nervousness shows and the kids are gravitating to her for help. Janice is just not sure if she can do it. She soon realizes she has to have a shtick if she wants their attention and find a younger version of herself to help. So one day, she brings a bag full of beads for a craft-making jewelry session. It does the trick and she is forever known as the Bead Lady.

One of the rules of the place is "Don't choose favorites." That rule goes completely out the window when Janice meets Samantha. Samantha is a brilliant junkie who has been on her own since she was twelve. She is incredibly lovable and also incredibly damaged. Samantha says a lot of things throughout the time Janice comes to know her that should be questioned. At any rate, Janice ends up falling for Sam - not a romantic love like she has for Bill, but in a deeply caring, friendship/parental way. She wants to save Sam from the streets, and this leads Janice and Sam through hospitals and halfway houses and rehabs.

The one thing Janice never suspected was how sick Sam really was.......

The book was like a roller coaster ride for me. When Sam was up, in good health, on the right track, you cheered -- but when she was down, sick, so weak that you though she would die at any second, you couldn't help but get sad and emotional. You start to wonder if you can really save another person's soul.

I just wonder where Sam is now..... ( )

I totally and completely loved this book! It's an honest look into dealing with troubled teen runaways, and the consequences of getting too attached. ( )

Amazing. This book started a little bit slow for me, then I could not put it down. It was actually emotionally draining for me. It is a disturbing story of a woman volunteering at a shelter and becoming involved with a young teenage drug addict. It does read like a novel, but I think it ends like things do in real life, alot of unanswered questions and leaves you wishing there were more details, I wish I could say more but I don't want to give anything away. I highly recommend this book, especially if you enjoy memoirs. ( )

Somehow a whole bunch of my reviews seem to be lost, so I'll be recreating them to the best of my memory. Have You Found Her, though, was highly memorable. Could truth be stranger than fiction? I was immediately drawn into this book and forced myself to put it down, not only because there were daily tasks to complete, but because there was an emotional roller coaster ride that the author was highly skilled at using. Her timing was suberb, her own emotional high and anger/depression communicable. In short, a frustratingly depressing view of treatment for youth with psychological disorders and a scarily poignant account of an educated woman completely taken in by a skilled "conman". Highly recommended, but disturbing. ( )

What begins rather heart-warming becomes riveting and ultimately chilling.

At the age of 15 Janice, the author, spends a few months in a homeless shelter in New York City. Because of this experience, 19 years later, she becomes a volunteer at the same shelter. When Janice meets Sam- a homeless, intelligent, drug addicted, young woman- she becomes obsessively involved with her against her better judgment. Through their roller coaster relationship the author seems to come to terms with her past.

I enjoyed the book because the author seems to honestly relate the story without trying to explain or justify the entire experience. I think in writing the book Janice may have been trying to understand the events herself. Although the ending is a bit abrupt and you are left with many questions, this is not something the author can help. As a memoir, the book is intended to relate the story from the author's perspective. If she would have changed it to "make the ending interesting" it would have defeated the purpose of writing a memoir. ( )

This is one of the best books I have read in a while. I couldn't put it down. It's hard to believe it's all a very true story. Though it's ending is pretty bland, I can't say I didn't see it coming. You could see the enabling through out the book. BUT, that being said, there were so many twists and turns I didn't see coming. I kept wondering through out, though, why is she doing this? Why does she keep Sam in her life? I guess the title says it all, "Have you found her", maybe meaning, has she found herself? I don't know if I could have been as strong as Erlbaum. But the story was completely captivating none the less. ( )

the true story of a volunteer who works with a troubled runaway teen - who turns out to have more to her than meets the eye...

What an incredible memoir!
Janice volunteers at the homeless shelter she lived in 20 years prior. She is the Wednesday night 'bead lady" and is warned not to play favorites.
There she meets a tough street kid, Samantha, who tells her her tragic life story and how she really wants to end her drug habit and make something of herself.
Janice sees herself in this young woman: smart, determined, hard core.
There begins this tale of deception.
Amazingly written - you cannot put it down! ( )

Janice Erlbaum briefly lived in a homeless shelter when she was a teen and wanted to give back 20 years later. As the "bead lady" she brought craft projects to the residents but soon became attached - WAY too attached - to one girl in particular. Supporting Sam as she went from the shelter to hospitals and other facilities, Janice shared her ups and downs and found that all was not as it seemed. This reads like a novel, but life doesn't always wrap up loose ends neatly. ( )

Janice Erlbaum's memoir of her time spent volunteering at the same shelter where she spent time as a teenager and of the relationship that forms between herself and one of the girls is compelling reading. At its core, the book is Erlbaum's attempt to put the ghosts of her own youth to rest, and this is an experience with a universality that gives the memoir a resonance to almost any reader. At the same time, the particular story is dramatic and unique, and told with a candour and intimacy that illuminates the complicated feelings involved when you discover that someone you want to "save" doesn't necessarily want to be saved from circumstances or themselves, but still will do anything they can to ensure that you continue to want to save them. ( )

In this adult memoir, Janice Erlbaum returns to the NYC shelter where she once lived as a teenager to volunteer. She wants to "give something back." Instead she gets sucked into the world of one of the troubled girls, a nineteen-year-old junkie who is one heck of a manipulator. Janice doesn't know it at the time, but Samantha is an expert at controlling people. By the end of the book, Janice knows that she was duped, but the deception has already caused emotional turmoil in those surrounding her. This is purely a tale of deception. And Munchausen's syndrome, too. ( )

Have You Found Her, Janet Erlbaum's second memoir, tells the story of Sam, a young, homeless girl who is desperate for attention, and Ms. Erlbaum's quest to help Sam in the hopes of making up for her own damaged teenage years. This book was somewhat entertaining and I enjoy Ms. Erlbaum's style of writing, but I did find the middle of the book to be a bit tedious at times. A couple hundred pages lead up to the big revelation and then the book is wrapped up abruptly, almost as though a deadline were looming. I would have been more interested to hear stories about several of the girls in the shelter instead of focusing on just one.

Although I realize that Ms. Erlbaum had her motives for befriending Sam, I was initially put off by the unhealthy level of concern she had for the girl. Several times throughout the memoir she expressed worry over the fact that people were going to find her relationship with Sam inappropriate and, quite frankly, it was. As someone who has worked with troubled youth, I caught myself cringing several times while reading the book. I also found it hard to sympathize with Ms. Erlbaum's enabling ways and with the fact that she often brushed friends and family aside to solve Sam's perpetual crises. While Have You Found Her has its merits, if you're looking for a “troubled young girl” memoir, better ones exist. ( )

Ms. Erlbaum captures well the emotional roller coaster that those with a drug addict in their lives experience. We think we will recognize when we are being manipulated, but we don't. Even if we suspect or do recognize it, we are often helpless to escape. Despite all the advice to end the relationship with an addict, when he or she is your child that advice is nearly impossible to follow. As Ms. Erlbaum relates, it is extremely difficult even when that is not the case.

Ms. Erlbaum conveys her experiences with Sam and with Bill with admirable candor, telling us the good and the bad, the highs and the lows. She doesn't let herself off the hook, yet doesn't wallow in self pity, either. From my own experiences, I had a sense of dread when her relationship with Sam began, a sense well founded. On occasion, I wanted to shake the author to force her to see what was there in front of her, but I've been there - seeing clearly isn't easy or even possible.

I am glad to have read this book. I would enjoy knowing Ms. Erlbaum and her partner. They seem like sincere, likeable people. ( )

I found this to be an interesting and well-written book. I didn't find it compelling, because I was getting irritated at the enabling that was going on, but as the book went on, I realized the significance of the title. "Have You Found Her?" referred more to finding Janice. Her odd relationship with Samantha helped her in some odd way to reconcile herself with her own troubled past. ( )

While I found this memoir (written in a very novel-like manner) hard to put down for it's captivating story and because I am a woman in her early 40's who is the mother of a late-teen girl (both of us close in age to the two main characters who could easily have spun themselves into these lives in some way), It wasn't all perfection.

But I will not step out here and say that a memoir could be written so much differently and perfection could be given or expected.

I wanted more from the ending. That is really all I would ask. Of course, I wanted Janice to do things a little differently along the way, but who could rewrite an author's memoirs?

Thank you, Ms. Erlbaum for this honest rendering of a difficult and I'm certain, very painful tale. ( )

Have You Found Her is a memoir by Janice Erlbaum detailing the time she spent volunteering at a homeless shelter and the relationship that evolves during that time. As a teenager, she spent some time at this shelter and feels compelled to return but is not sure why. When she meets Samantha Dunleavey, she feels a definite connection to the young teenage runaway and begins a strong, intense, roller coaster ride of a relationship with her - despite the shelter rules that volunteers should not become involved with the clients of the shelter. This book is an extremely compelling story and reads more like a novel than a memoir. The writing is wonderful and the author holds nothing back in this book. All of her emotions, faults and thoughts are right there - there is no sugar-coating any of it. I loved this book.

Janice Erlbaum returns to volunteer at the shelter she stayed at nearly 20 years ago, when she was a homeless teenager. There she meets Sam, a bright young woman who reminds her of herself and who soon becomes her “favourite.” Have You Found Her is the story of what happens next.

This is a compelling and well-written book, with great pacing and a building sense of unease. It has the unputdownable quality of a novel and Janice does a great job of casually hinting that things are perhaps not all as they appear to be. And yet, for a memoir, I found this book oddly lacking in introspection. While Janice is unflinchingly honest about the feelings that Sam brings up for her, we never really find out what compels her to try to rescue Sam in the first place, other than the obvious, that Sam reminded her of herself and that she wished someone had rescued her when she was in a similar situation. Nor does Janice delve into how her obsession with Sam affects the rest of her life; instead, she glosses over her relationship with Bill, who seems too good to be true. Finally, the denouement of the book just happens too fast: I had the impression that she was jumping to conclusions—not that I’m suggesting her conclusions were incorrect; I just needed more details to understand how she came to them.

For all that, this is a fascinating book by a talented writer and I’m curious to read her previous one, Girlbomb.

A slightly different version of this review can be found on my blog, she reads and reads. ( )

Honestly, I wasn't looking forward to reading this book. Homeless teenagers?! What was I thinking, but I pulled it off the towering pile of "to be red" items on my shelf and tossed it into my bag on the way to work. My commute to and from the office is an hour each way on the T, so I get a chance to read everyday, and everyday this week I literally devoured this novel, finally finishing it yesterday afternoon as my train pulled into Alewife.

I was mesmerized by the intensity of the story. At one point, characters in the book ride a roller-coaster at Cony Island and it's hardly a coincidence that the pacing of the tale has a similar cadence. Erlbaum, who was homeless for a brief period in her teen years, relays the events surrounding her stint as a volunteer in the same shelter she lived in 20 years prior. While working at the shelter, Janice becomes attached to various girls, against the advisement of the program director who rigorously urges volunteers not to show favoritism among the residents. Eventually Erlbaum meets Samantha. A brilliant, creative, and decidedly tragic young woman who sweeps Erlbaum and other well meaning professionals into her tumultuous life, and practically consumes them along the journey. Unfortunately, small cracks begin to appear in Sam's story which leads to a horrifying truth and a dramatic confrontation. I'd urge you to experience this story for yourself and I assure you that it's a very satisfying read.

I definitely intend to pick up Janice Erlbaum's first novel, Girl Bomb, which details her personal story of homelessness as a teenager. You can read more about the author at her blog, Girl Bomb.

(Originally posted at: GirlieErin.vox.com)

"Have You Found Her" begins when Janice Erlbaum decides to return as a volunteer to the shelter where she lived as a teenage runaway. Despite being warned not to play favourites, she becomes attached to a series of residents, befriending a new girl when her previous favourite moves on. Then Erlbaum meets Sam, a smart, articulate young woman with horrifying stories of her abusive family and years on the street, and a series of severe medical problems. When Sam is hospitalized for the first time, Erlbaum begins visiting her, and her life becomes more and more entangled with Sam's, until she is acting as a surrogate mother and hopes to become Sam's legal guardian.

Erlbaum's writing is gripping and honest. Her examination of her relationship with Sam and of her reasons for returning to the shelter and becoming so attached to Sam are fascinating, and once I got into the book I didn't want to put it down. I do wish Erlbaum told readers a little more about her own past, as it informs her decisions throughout the book, but I gather that this was covered in her previous book, Girlbomb. Like Erlbaum, I wanted more answers about Sam's past than I got, but in a memoir you have to be satisfied with imperfect resolutions offered by reality.

I would definitely recommend this book to others, and I would also read Erlbaum's other books. ( )

When I got this book for the early reviewers I had a hard time remembering why I even picked it. It just didn't seem me at all. The story blurb sounded interesting but I think I requested mostly on lark because one of the main characters name was Samantha and that's my name too.

Erlbaum shares her real life journey helping homeless teens at the same shelter she got help from when she was a teen. Soon she "adopts" Samantha, a troubled young woman.

Erlbaum had me hopeful for Samantha to pull through and become a healthier whole person at the same time I was expecting a shoe to drop. Something did not seem right. I will not say anymore you need to read the book to find out.

Erlbaum did a great job sharing her journey, making it both real and exciting. Definitely, a good read. ( )

I liked this book more than I thought I would. In the beginning of the book, I was put off by the author's extreme clinginess and neediness when it came to the girls she was supposed to be "mentoring." It bordered on obsession which I found a bit creepy.

Gradually though, I became fascinated by Sam and what would ultimately become of her. I don't think I'll forget her. I admire the attempts at salvation by the author as well as others, but ultimately they all learn harsh lessons. ( )

Please see my blog for my review of Have You Found Her by Janice Erlbaum.

http://sheisfinallywriting.wordpress.... ( )

Have You Found Her
Janice Erlbaum
Random House Publishing
1745 Broadway, New York, NY 10019
ISBN: 10 0-8129-7457-3 Memoir

Sandy Greathouse
5657 Countyline Rd. NW, West Farmington, OH 44491
Muzzley56@aol.com

This book was a really heart-wrenching story. Janice Erlbaum went thru alot at a very young age and overcame it all over the years thanks to guidance thru a youth shelter and people there who helped her. She finished school, and college and decided to become a writer. Her book, Girlbomb tells her story of life on the streets and in the youth shelter.

To further help herself put some of the past behind her, she decided to volunteer at the same shelter. She enjoyed the comraderie of the young girls and women she met, and especially a girl named Sam. They formed an instant bond, and Janice was intent on helping her put her reckless, and troubled lifestyle behind her. It became almost an obsession with Janice, until her instincts kicked in and she realized that some things just weren't adding up. Her second book, Have You Found Her is Sam's story.

I really enjoyed this book, and the authors honesty about her life. She writes with compassion for those who went through some of the same problems, with laughter and the friendships she made throughout her work with troubled teenagers, and even some anger over things she couldn't control. Not only is it a good read for adults, but I think alot of teenagers would benefit from reading it also. I wouldn't hesitate recommending this book to other readers, and hope that they would enjoy it as much as I did. ( )

Janice Erlbaum is in her mid-30s and decides to volunteer at a shelter for homeless girls - the same shelter she lived in almost twenty years before. She doesn't fully understand her motivations, and she immediately breaks the rules for volunteers by choosing favorites, giving gifts and eventually befriending the troubled Samantha. Have You Found Her is Erlbaum's story of that year and what she discovers...not just about Samantha (who is more ill than anyone can imagine), but about herself.

This memoir is a disturbing read, and ultimately one which is heart breaking. Erlbaum is a talented writer, slowly revealing Samantha's problems and her (Erlbaum's) underlying issues about motherhood, co-dependency and escapism through drugs. She builds tension with some subtle foreshadowing and the book unwinds with a sense of doom. Long before the final secret is revealed, the reader knows to expect disaster. Luckily, the sadness is balanced with a sense of fulfillment which Erlbaum finds with her domestic partner, Bill - a man who shines between the pages as a person of hope and stability in an uncertain world.

To say I enjoyed Have You Found Her seems inappropriate - who could enjoy the gradual unraveling of a young girl's life, the sense of futility and lost hope that invades the prose? But despite this, I couldn't put this book down. I felt compelled to turn the pages, to understand the despair which drives mental illness, to find out how it all would end.

Janice Erlbaum has written a memoir which will stimulate discussion among parents of teenagers, and those who work with disturbed or drug addicted children. Brutally honest and revealing, this is a book I can recommend. ( )