HomeGroupsTalkZeitgeist
Hide this

Results from Google Books

Click on a thumbnail to go to Google Books.

I'm Ok, You're Ok by Thomas Harris
Loading...

I'm Ok, You're Ok (edition 2012)

by Thomas Harris

MembersReviewsPopularityAverage ratingMentions
1,15997,020 (3.52)8
Member:BrightCloud
Title:I'm Ok, You're Ok
Authors:Thomas Harris
Info:Arrow (2012), Paperback, 288 pages
Collections:Your library
Rating:
Tags:personal development

Work details

I'm OK, you're OK; a practical guide to transactional analysis by Thomas A. Harris

None

None.

Loading...

Sign up for LibraryThing to find out whether you'll like this book.

No current Talk conversations about this book.

» See also 8 mentions

English (8)  Spanish (1)  All languages (9)
Showing 1-5 of 8 (next | show all)
About fourteen billion years ago when I was a young child, I remember my mother had this book on my parents’ bookshelf. I remember three things about it. Firstly, it was one of the few titles on that memorable shelf that I could understand at that age. I also remember the strong vivid colours of the cover, so redolent of the 70s. The final thing I remember is that it was definitely my mother’s book and not my father’s. I think in later years, although my memory is scratched from my furious efforts to erase it, in one of her many drunken rages, she actually claimed that, for her, it was her Bible.

I avoided the book for decades not because of what it held inside it – I had no real idea – but rather because of who recommended it. If my mother claimed to live by it, I reasoned, then I might well end up something like the relational mess she represented to me.

That I did not read this book until my 43rd year is one of many tragic things about my childhood – albeit a minor tragedy in comparison to the ones that almost prevented me entering adulthood. I should have read this book very many years ago. In fact, along with Of Human Bondage by Somerset Maugham, it’s a book I will be buying for the next youth I know that reaches the age of 18.

Not that I think any of us will really understand it then. Anyone who understands it at that tender age is hardly in need of it, in fact. But it’s a book that should accompany you as you make your way through life, form relationships, meet people, encounter those you cannot fathom, those who fascinate and those who you really wish hadn’t been born. This book goes a long way to explaining why people behave as they do. Now that I’ve made it to my 5th decade, a lot of it makes sense.

This book is probably the most successful self-help book in history. It presents a very simple relational model and exemplifies it both through author created dialogue and illustrations from the author’s own patients.

The model is based on assuming that we can take one of three positions vis a vis another: Parent, Adult or Child. Ideally, we’d all be Adults. But, mainly because of our upbringing, we tend to default to either Parent or Child when we deal with others. And, because they are also defaulting to one of those, this can trigger certain responses in us too.

The Child tends to be paranoid, insecure, uncertain and emotionally volatile as it falls victim to circumstance and the manipulation of others. The Parent tends to be domineering, authoritative, holier than thou and an emotionally sealed box impervious to the situation of others.

Whenever someone is responding in the Adult position, they are communicating I’M OK – YOU’RE OK. There are no hidden messages, people act genuinely and there is no fear either generated or perceived. Whenever someone responds from the Child position, they assume the position of I’M NOT OK – YOU’RE OK. From the Parent position, the message is I’M OK – YOU’RE NOT OK.

Suffice to say that if you find someone hard to get on with and/or others find you hard to get on with, Harris’ book is for you. Pick it up and, shortly into the descriptive sections of each state, you’ll be calling the wife over and saying, ‘Listen. Who does this sound like?’ Just make sure it doesn’t sound like her or you’ll regret it!

There are sections that were less useful to me. I don’t have kids and so the two chapters that dealt with that were a bit pointless for me. And at the very end, he decides that his theories might hold the secret to solving all the world’s woes. Seemed a bit far-fetched to me but then it was the 1970s and even guitarists in skin-tight lycra were okay then.

Overall, I’m very glad I read this. I wish I’d read it about 20 years ago. Now that I have done, I feel OK though! ( )
1 vote arukiyomi | Nov 26, 2013 |
O buna descriere a analizei tranzactionale. ( )
  Pralicel | Oct 28, 2013 |
An early pop-psychology explanation of transactional analysis for the masses. Although somewhat dated at this point in time, it is still a landmark for the field. ( )
  varielle | Dec 2, 2012 |
I read this book 35 years ago and it has made a big difference in my life and how I interact with people. ( )
  slsmith101 | Jul 4, 2010 |
This book gives the basics of transactional analysis. Two basic ideas: 1. Everyone is psychologically made up of a "Parent" (facts and rules), a "Child" (emotions) and an "Adult" (logic, common sense, neutrality, curiosity). 2. You can only have a normal interaction if you agree on which roles each of you has.
This may sound a bit complicated, but it's explained very well and it's a helpful model.
Recommended. ( )
1 vote wester | Nov 8, 2007 |
Showing 1-5 of 8 (next | show all)
no reviews | add a review
You must log in to edit Common Knowledge data.
For more help see the Common Knowledge help page.
Series (with order)
Canonical title
Original title
Alternative titles
Original publication date
People/Characters
Important places
Important events
Related movies
Awards and honors
Epigraph
Dedication
To Amy
my collaborator
my philosopher
my tranquillizer
my joy
my wife
First words
In recent years there have been many reports of a growing impatience with psychiatry .....
Quotations
Last words
(Click to show. Warning: May contain spoilers.)
Disambiguation notice
Publisher's editors
Blurbers
Publisher series
Information from the German Common Knowledge. Edit to localize it to the English one.
Original language

References to this work on external resources.

Wikipedia in English (3)

Book description
    ARE YOU FEELING OK ABOUT YOURSELF?
    OR STILL PLAYING DESTRUCTIVE GAMES?

"Happy childhood" notwithstanding, most of us are living out the NOT OK feelings of a defenseless CHILD wholly dependent on others for stroking and care. By the third year of life, says Dr. Harris, most of us have made the unconscious decision I'M NOT OK - YOU'RE OK. This negative Lire Position, shared by successful and unsuccessful people alike, contaminates our rational ADULT potential - leaving us vulnerable to the inappropriate, emotional reactions of our CHILD and the uncritically learned behavior programmed into our PARENT.

In personal Transactions, NOT OK people resort to harmful withdrawal, rituals, activities, pastimes, and games for getting needed strokes while avoiding painful intimacy with people they see as OK.

Dr. Thomas A Harris' pioneering work in Transactional Analysis has had a fundamental impact on our understanding of interpersonal behavior. IN showing us how to make the conscious decision I'M OK - YOU'RE OK, he has helped millions of despairing people find the freedom to change, to liberate their ADULT effectiveness, and to achieve joyful intimacy with the people in their lives.
Haiku summary

Amazon.com Product Description (ISBN 0060724277, Paperback)

Transactional Analysis delineates three observable ego-states (Parent, Adult, and Child) as the basis for the content and quality of interpersonal communication. "Happy childhood" notwithstanding, says Harris, most of us are living out the Not ok feelings of a defenseless child, dependent on ok others (parents) for stroking and caring. At some stage early in our lives we adopt a "position" about ourselves and others that determines how we feel about everything we do. And for a huge portion of the population, that position is "I'm Not OK -- You're OK." This negative "life position," shared by successful and unsuccessful people alike, contaminates our rational Adult capabilities, leaving us vulnerable to inappropriate emotional reactions of our Child and uncritically learned behavior programmed into our Parent. By exploring the structure of our personalities and understanding old decisions, Harris believes we can find the freedom to change our lives.

(retrieved from Amazon Mon, 30 Sep 2013 13:32:11 -0400)

(see all 5 descriptions)

An introduction to transactional analysis discusses the theoretical basis and applied methodology of a unique system of psychiatry, designed to effect positive behavioral change through effective group therapy and an enhancement of one's positive self-image and self- esteem.… (more)

(summary from another edition)

» see all 3 descriptions

Quick Links

Swap Ebooks Audio
81 avail.
13 wanted
4 pay

Popular covers

Rating

Average: (3.52)
0.5
1 8
1.5 1
2 12
2.5 4
3 40
3.5 10
4 55
4.5 3
5 24

Is this you?

Become a LibraryThing Author.

 

Help/FAQs | About | Privacy/Terms | Blog | Contact | LibraryThing.com | APIs | WikiThing | Common Knowledge | Legacy Libraries | Early Reviewers | 92,297,648 books! | Top bar: Always visible