Love the One You're With is Emily Giffin's fourth novel; I've read them all, and this may be my favorite one yet.

It took Ellen Dempsey a couple of years to sort herself out again after the abrupt end of her intense post-college relationship with Leo, the journalist she met during a stint at jury duty. But when she was ready, there was already someone waiting - Andy Graham, her best friend's brother. Their relationship may lack some of that intensity, but it's compatible and comfortable, and Ellen's genuinely happy with it...until she unexpectedly runs into Leo on a New York City street, and the encounter makes her start asking herself a lot of questions. Meanwhile, Andy's asking questions of his own, but his involve leaving their New York life behind and moving back to his hometown, Atlanta. His family is there, along with a position in his father's law practice - but aside from that, what does the upscale suburb of Buckhead hold for Ellen and her photography career?

I liked most of the characters in this novel, which is narrated in the first person by Ellen - and I really liked Ellen. The character has a lot of self-awareness, even as she does things that she realizes are probably not in her best interests and could very well backfire on her. She has a tendency to idealize her husband's family and their background, but I think it's understandable to anyone who's ever felt their own upbringing to be lacking somehow; for her, much of that sense of lack is the result of the early death of her mother, and it colors many of her relationships. The most important women in her life are her best friend/sister-in-law Margot and her older sister Suzanne, but mother loss plays a role in how she relates to men as well; it's part of the intensity and insecurity in her relationship with Leo, and a factor in the comfort of her marriage to Andy - the same comfort that makes her wonder if she's somehow "settling."

Emily Giffin does a fine job of drawing believable, human characters who have to make choices that aren't always black and white, and that rarely turn out to be final or perfect. I related to Ellen a lot, and I think other readers will too - most of us have had reason to wonder about our relationships and who we are in their context, at one time or another, haven't we? Giffin's brand of chick-lit is lower on the fluff and melodrama than some examples of the genre, and I'm sure that's part of its appeal for me. Love the One You're With is a smart, character-driven novel, and its author remains on my must-read list. ( )

Read 2009

I couldn't connect with the character telling the story, so I gave up, I read the last 2 chapters to feel like I finished it and I can't imagine the whole book being about her dilemma on 'Love the one your With' BORING ( )

Emily Giffin, you are always there for me when I need to escape into someone else's life and problems.

I thought of her 4 books this one was my least favorite, but I still really liked it. I fell right in to the character and her struggle between choosing the life (and man) that is safe and secure and the hot rollercoaster of a romance with "the one that got away". The book is junk food, but it's delicious!

Also, I LOVE how cute her books look on my bookshelf. I know I'm not supposed to judge a book by it's cover, but I almost gave it an extra star for design. ( )

In the fourth novel by Emily Giffin, we meet Ellen, who has been married to Andy for 100 days when she runs into Leo - the one who got away. We explore the back story of Ellen and Leo, who had an amazingly intense relationship that went awry and then ended abruptly at his instigation. Despite the fact that Ellen loves her husband dearly and is best friends with Margot, his sister, she finds herself keeping it secret that she has met up with Leo. When he gets in contact to offer her a brilliant photography assignment, Ellen finds herself tempted by more than just the offer of work. From there we see through Ellen's eyes as she wavers between the perfect life and wonderful husband on one hand, and wondering 'what if?' about her past relationship with Leo.

I have read all of Giffin's novels and by now I know what to expect. The stories come from a first person perspective and concern women in a relationship dilemma. It is much like sitting down over coffee with a best friend and hearing about her woes - the writing is comfortable and the novels offer a gentle perspective on the various problems that can inflict partnerships. The characters are usually somewhat cliched, and some suffer from being one dimensional as well, but Giffin has a warm voice and invites you to feel sympathy for the situation of the main characters. Here as well, it was hard to conceive that Ellen would end up with anyone but the man she eventually chooses - this would be too subversive for a Giffin book.

Here I could identify easily with Ellen - anyone who has had a past relationship end with little explanation and still feels rogue feelings for that person will understand how she got caught up in contacting Leo again when he came back into her life. Giffin explores the ideas of the grass being greener - how those who fall into a rut can see another person or relationship as being preferable, rather than dealing with the problems that exist. I enjoyed Giffin's commentary on how the money her husband earns can be more of a hindrance to Ellen's life than a blessing.

I loved Ellen's enthusiasm for photography and the way that this both led the plot and provided poetic passages that lifted Giffin's writing above that of other 'chick lit' authors. I particularly enjoyed hearing about the shots that she took at Coney Island, and could actually imagine them from the descriptions.

So, this novel was much as I expected and a diverting read on a rainy afternoon, but certainly nothing that would challenge the intellect. Enjoyable and fluffy. ( )

The Story

Ellen married the perfect man for her… Andy. In addition to being a successful attorney from a good family, Andy is her best friend, Margot’s, brother. After a long courtship, planning the perfect wedding, and sunning on Hawaiian beaches for their honeymoon, the newlyweds settle into a seemingly perfect life in New York City. There, Ellen is a professional photographer, building her own business while Andy is employed by a large, reputable law firm. In their new marriage and new home, the future seems nothing but bright. However, on one fateful afternoon, things changed for Ellen that would alter the course of her future and her marriage.

That afternoon started like any other. As Ellen traveled through a cross-walk, she was confronted with the face of her past and was met with the eyes of her first true love, Leo. For Ellen, getting over Leo was a long journey filled with emotional hurdles. She was happy to be on the other side of the pain… married to Andy and living the life she’d always wanted. After Leo tracks her down at a nearby coffee shop, Ellen begins to question if she really is, in fact, over her feelings for Leo. Her love for him ran deep into her heart, mind, and soul. Was Leo, “The One That Got Away?” Ellen wasn’t sure. As Leo presses for a friendship to develop after their chance encounter, Ellen struggles with making the right decision, for her and for her family.

The Review

I became a fan of Giffin’s writing when I read Something Borrowed. I had high hopes that I would get to read Something Blue and Baby Proof, however no such luck. I just haven’t gotten around to picking up these two other books. I especially wanted to read Something Blue, as it was a sequel to Something Borrowed. Even though my goal was to read all of her novels, in succession, I just couldn’t pass up buying this book when I saw it in paperback at my local grocery store. Being an ultimate fan of ChickLit, I just couldn’t wait to get this book into my reading list!

I could really personally relate to the heroine of this story. I, too, have had that great love of my life… and lost it. I tried to imagine meeting a wonderful man in my current life and getting committed to one another… and then running into HIM. You know… THE ONE. I’m going to be perfectly honest in saying that it would still shake me to the core. I believe that true love really never does die. It may dim or hibernate, but it never really leaves you. It becomes a part of the permanent memory of your soul. So, if HE were then to share with me that HE’s not over me… misses me… and wants to try again… well, let me tell you… that would have my head spinning! I’m not sure that I’d have the power and the strength to deny HIM and not at least consider it. And, that’s what Ellen must face in this story.

Of course, Andy is the perfect new husband and nothing like Leo, the stormy, hot, sexy, passionate lover that stirred Ellen’s inner being. Andy’s “Mr. Dependable,” and is as reliable as the day is long. He’s loving, caring, considerate, financially secure and most of all committed to Ellen. He also shares his incredible family with Ellen. They love her and have accepted her into their hearts and homes. Logically speaking, Ellen would be a fool to walk away from Andy. Right? Right. But… Leo won’t give up so easily. Now that he’s found her again, he’s going to make his intentions known to her. And, Ellen isn’t exactly running from Leo.

For those of you who have met your soul-mate and have been fortunate enough to build a lasting relationship with him/her, consider yourselves very lucky. Great love is hard to find, but even harder to keep. For the rest of us poor souls who keep our noses tucked in stories of romance and love… well, we’ll keep wishing!

The Rating

On Sher’s “Out of Ten Scale,” in the genre of ChickLit, I am giving Love The One You’re With a rating of 8 out of 10. It made me think and it made me hope. And, you don’t know until the very end who Ellen will choose. If you’ve read it, I’d love to know who you think she should have chosen! ( )