This is a very well written memoir, one that reads like fiction. It's about the life of a boy as he grows up to be a man, and what influences he found along the journey. It's the story of an ordinary person but is very engaging and made me both laugh and cry. I can't pinpoint what it was about the book that I enjoyed so much but I would recommend it to just about anyone. ( )

I think this book would be appealing to men looking for a real life "Catcher in the Rye" story. Set, primarily, on Long Island, this memoir is about the life of a boy/man growing up in a world heavily influenced by men who work and frequent a bar in Manhasset, Long Island. ( )

I absolutely loved this book. Before I knew it, I was finished with it but very sad that it ended. I truly felt like I knew J.R and was a close friend of his while reading this book. This book made a huge impact on me and it also made me wish I knew people this well in my "real" life. A wonderful, wonderful well written memoir. ( )

I really enjoyed this book. A very engaging writing style sprinkled with humor, hilarity, sadness, introspection and a-ha moments. Great book. ( )

I really appreciate autobiography that reads like good fiction (or is that good fiction that reads like autobiography?). Anyway, this was a fantastic great read. And I love the wordplay in the title! ( )

I can't remember the last time a book made me laugh out loud so often and I am only about one-third of the way through. The people are so vivid and real, the suburban East-Coast setting so well drawn, that many readers will feel unexpectedly at home in Manhasset, Long Island, even if they have never set foot there.

This is a story of non-traditional families, of substitutes fathers, of extended families taking care of their own the best way they know how. None of the people that formed the J. R. Moehringer's "family" was perfect--their faults are lovingly recorded and acknowledged--but each and every one of them earned his or her place in the man the boy became. I know these people that I've never met and I thank J. R. Moehringer for introducing me to all of them. ( )

What an absolutely delightful surprise this book is. J.R. Moehringer has written a memoir of his life. He is not famous, not a celebrity....but he is such a wonderful writer that his story is gripping.

He grew up in Manhasset, New York and lived with his mother, grandparents, aunt, uncle and six cousins. His father, a DJ, was only a voice on the radio. His story is one of coming of age in a bar where his uncle works, and where the men who frequent the bar become surrogate fathers and role models in unexpected ways.

Highly recommended. ( )

the first 1/3 or so is a bit whiny, but then the book gets a bit better. Over all i liked it.I really hate how every book published after 9/11 lets you know its published after 9/11 by devoting atleast a chapter to that subject.Despite my mothers promises that there was no hidden agenda in sending me this book, I did notice that the main character's mother was held in very high regard through out the book. The author also spends a substantial amount of time taking about realizing his potential and nonsense along those lines. Frankly, I don't enjoy reading about peoples feelings and emotions that much. ( )

Excellent memoir written in a fine story-telling voice. Many were the phrases that caught me saying “I wish I could write that!”

One of the passages that stood out to me more for its insight
Page 387
My mother’s first lie to me, caught on tape.
How did she do it? With no education, n money, no prospects, how did my mother manage to look so fierce? She’d just survived my father clamping a pillow over her face until she couldn’t breathe, and lunging at her with a razor, and though she must have been relieved to escape him, she must also have been aware of what lay ahead—loneliness, money worries, the Shit House. But you wouldn’t know it to look at her. She was an inspired liar, a brilliant liar, and she was also lying to herself, which made me perceive her lies in a whole new light. I saw that we must lie to ourselves now and then, tell ourselves that we’re capable and strong, that life is good and hard work will be rewarded, and then we must try to make our lies come true. This is our work, our salvation, and this link between lying and trying was one of my mother’s many gifts to me, the truth that always lay just beneath her lies. ( )

The characters in this memoir are so quirky and real! You can see, hear, and smell them as sit, talking in the bar or driving to the beach. They all have a distinct “voice”, and play an important role in Moehringer’s life. Another character, “The Voice”, Moehringer’s father, is physically absent from his life, but often in his thoughts.

Book club discussion was lengthy for this book. Everyone had a favorite character or incident – which led to another and another. ( )

interesting, enlightening ( )

I enjoyed this book, although a friend of mine couldn't finish it - I liked watching J.R. grow up. I would have liked some kind of current information on his life though. ( )

An easy read, enjoyed this one. ( )

After thinking this was a light and funny memoir I picked this up for a fast read. It weas a very slow read. Not because it was bad but because there was so much feeling in each page. I am a very very picky reader and still will say this is one of my top 3 books of all time. What a great story. I cried at the end for no better reason that a friend was ending. I felt so much for this author/character that I was sad to see him go... ( )

Was enjoying this book when it became due at library; I was on page 228 -- should go back and finish one day. ( )

A very well-written memoir about a young man who finds his male role models where he can get them (in a local bar). The characters are vivid, the stories are hilarious and sad at the same time, and towards the end, I had trouble putting it down. ( )

Whiny whiny book. Didn't feel the character development of the guys at the bar was very good. I couldn't keep track of who's who and just didn't find them compelling enough to try hard enough to keep them straight. Wasn't impressed...keep thinking...how am I the only one that found this boring and flat? ( )

You know those handful of books in a lifetime that truly have an impact?Not the ones with decent enough stories that keep you coming back just to find out what happens, but the ones that you start over again as soon as your done and give out as presents to everybody you know, well this book was definitely one of those. It hit home in such a way that it had me in an emotional limbo stuck between tears and laughter until I finished then it abandoned me , leaving me alone with nothing but the sadness that the book was finished and I would never be able to take that journey for the first time ever again. I truly dont know what it was perhaps the writing, nothing spectacular but poignant just the same, maybe the story of a child without a father and the void that it leaves, I truly dont know. So yes read this book, if you have ever read hemmingway and yearned to be jake just for a day, if you have every seriously wished you could be thrown into the madness of the great gatsby, if you grew up without a father, if you have ever felt like you just didnt belong, if you have ever that intense need to prove your worth, hell if youve ever laughed , loved, or even breathed please read this book ( )

A good book, but I loved the section starting bottom of 337 through 340.
"...that there wasn't a clear difference between when books were in use and when they weren't. I took pleasure from their presence, enjoyed seeing them lined up on my shelves and floors."
It's like he wrote it for me. ( )

A wonderfully moving and funny memoir of the author's coming of age without a father on the scene. The evolution of someone from child to an adult is rarely chronicled with such warmth, intelligence and, yes, tenderness. The revelations of the author toward the end of the book about the influence and impact of his mother on the direction that his life took had me in tears. Highly recommended. ( )

I am not a big fan of nonfiction, but I absolutely loved this book. It was my favorite book of the year when it came out! ( )

Wonderful, wonderful book told with warmth, love, respect, and lots and lots of humor. I read while I commute and I got quite a few looks from all the laughing out loud I did. Highly recommended. Looking forward to reading more of "Junior's" work. ( )

4111 The Tender Bar A Memoir by J.R. Moehringer (read 28 Dec 2005) This is set out as a true account of the author growing up enamored by a bar on Long Island. It tends to glorify excessive drinking and the author is totally amoral sexually, and what is said by the bar patrons is unexpurgated and you can guess the language printed. When the author finally figured out that drinking is not what makes a man successful he amounted to something. That said, the writing is good and one does want to keep reading. ( )

JR Moehringer grew up idolizing the men at the local bar that the place itself became more than just a bar, it became life itself. An interesting look at how this boy grew into man and what his influences were. I am really sorry that the original bar is not around now, because I would really like to go hang out there myself. ( )

OK, you know me. I don't mind being a contrarian. The quotes on the back of the book use words like "Astounding," but I thought it was just ok. Not amazing, not great, but pretty good. Moehringer's life has had an interesting trajectory, but not all that compelling. His analysis was very surface-level. I enjoyed it, but wasn't excited by it. ( )